jaime para pesos profile picture

jaime para pesos

I am here for Friends

About Me

i am not "chill." i do not enjoy hanging out with friends. i don't like to laugh, as i find humor to be immature and disagreeable. the idea of having a good time makes me nautious. i hate art. family guy is an over-rated show. i do not go with the flow. i do not roll with the punches. when life gives me lemons, i squeeze them into my eyeballs. i enjoy being bored. i prefer to be unhappy. buddhism is for idiots. enlightenment is just another word for laziness. i've got plenty of complaints. i think gw bush is a really stellar president. i have zero tolerance for sarcasm. so help me god, if you email me to question any of the above statements, i will forever glare upon you with the icy eyes of disbelieving rage at your stupidity and inability to acknowledge irony. and for chrissakes, if you are a 14-year old goth punk who believes s/he has finally found someone who understands, hit up my cat davis for a friend add-on, not me.ONE MORE THING: i'm sure you are a stunningly inspirational and creative individual with incomparable brilliance and wit, but if i don't know you in real life, i will not add you. period. i apologize, but i have too many close friends in my busy life that need my attention, and i have no time for you.and P.S.: now i just don't even know which candidate will get my vote for 7th grade class prez. damn you, politics.

My Interests

anything one-of-a-kind, dangly earrings, torch lighters, antique tins, fake meat, sky-diving, old satin slips, coffee and cigarettes, the umbrella man, buddhism, road trips, eastern europe, movies that don't make sense, black and white nudes, stogie the greatest man who ever lived, girlfriends, big sunglasses, mucha and keane, green traffic lights, fruit pie, monkeys, karaoke, indian food, jews, meteor showers, are you actually reading through these, i didn't know people actually do that, maybe i'm just disrespectful of people's blurbs, marshmallows, crossword puzzles, jokes, horror flicks, glitter, curtains, thrift stores, flea markets, farmers markets, davis the masturbating cat, people who wear converse, compliments, home-made cards, marbles, teasing, sitting in my friends' bath tubs, the mystery spot bumper stickers, a scar with a good story, over-the-top cliches, anyone who gets my humor, taking tests and surveys.
You Are Not Scary
Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet? How Scary Are You?
Are you the Messiah??
Yes!
You are the messiah!

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. .. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- END YOUTHINK.COM QUIZ RESULTS --

I'd like to meet:

i don't need to meet anyone ever again, because i ACTUALLY know the man in the video below.

Music:

i'm hot for klezmer right now-- but i love jazz and oldies (i'm so frickin hip. i'm like a granny). i most frequently dig on The Decemberists, Ella Fitzgerald, Cracker, Norah Jones, Ryan Adams, The Eels, and Vagabond Opera.

Movies:

donnie darko, labrinth, eulogy, legend, sliding doors, the princess and the warrior, breakfast at tiffanys, the adventures of sebastian cole, igby goes down, dummy, garden state, twin falls idaho, city of the lost children, PETER PAN 2003, love actually, harold and maude, charlie and the chocolate factory, stranger than fiction. hey, serious questions require serious answers.Take the quiz: "Which Horror Movie Are You?"

The Craft
You're whole life, you've felt different. You know you're different, and that is why you break away from the norm and don't give a shit what other people think about you. You're you, you're proud, you're a bit... weird might I say? but you're far more interesting than most people will ever percieve. Keep being yourself, whether people like it or not.

Television:

no, my vision is fine, although i do like buddy holly glasses. i can't wear them cuz they make my ass look big, but power to you if you have the infrastructure to pull them off. i'm also a fan of contact lenses that make you look like a cat, they fool me every frickin' time.all right.family guy, futurama, american dad, queer as folk, felicity, the L word, dawson's creek, hey dude, the amazing race, quantom leap, daria, sex in the city, roseanne, married with chilren, without a trace, star trek: n.g.i love tv. f*ck off.

Books:

john (or, the house of the lost), fairytales from the city. you gotta read these, they're nobel prize-worthy. i'll let you know when i find a publisher who agrees with me.

Heroes:

i don't eat land meat, but essentially anything else, as long as it has avocado. wait, is a hero a sandwich? sh*t, now everyone's going to make fun of me.

My Blog

I would like to say something brilliant about fear

I'd like to discuss the necessity of it, to say that it's natural. I'd like to quote the movie that says, "Fear is for people who love too much."   I'd like to explain fear as a matter of survi...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:19:00 PST

the first week of love

i'm just drop-dead smitten with this fella.
Posted by jaime para pesos on Tue, 06 Nov 2007 12:50:00 PST

Look at my Jack’O Lantern

He's a child molester.Please note the sunglasses and mustache. OOOOoooooooo Muuuuuuuustaaaaaaaache.........
Posted by jaime para pesos on Tue, 30 Oct 2007 03:49:00 PST

sex this morning

i was driving to work this morning, staring at the butt-shaped indentation on the hood of my car-- which incidentally, was NOT made by me, but rather was made on friday night when i left my car in a s...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Mon, 22 Oct 2007 01:00:00 PST

Rocky Horror 2.0

so i auditioned for rocky horror show for the second year in a row. the fun part was that i knew all four individuals who were judging me... the toughie was that they had pretty high expectations.i st...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Mon, 10 Sep 2007 09:39:00 PST

i need new plants

i missed it. just like that, and the moment is gone.so many fantasies about the courtroom. the judge is about to slam down the gavel when i burst in.All right. Enough     is &...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Sat, 08 Sep 2007 07:24:00 PST

happy thought of the day

BUSH BABIES:they're the size of a squirrel, scream all day like infants (thus the name), and jump up to twenty feet in the air.bush babies.(don't say "how?", I WANT IT NOOOOOOW!)...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 02:58:00 PST

the disease that ruins your sex life 2

i was asked o repost this. it is no different whatsoever from the one posted two years ago................"inexperienced chump / not that i want a grampa / but i'd rather screw a stump / and this may ...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Sun, 12 Aug 2007 12:23:00 PST

goddamned optimism

for the record (and you may not know this) my self-esteem is through the f*cking roof.i don't just mean now. in college, allison dubbed me "my own best friend." my father periodically shakes his head ...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 10:46:00 PST

it's been seven hours and fifteen days (tomorrow)

at first i thought someone was stealing my flowers. one was dug up, the red ones that look like daisies. i thought, well, someone liked my flowers. that's nice.then the yellow ones were gone. i locked...
Posted by jaime para pesos on Fri, 29 Jun 2007 10:45:00 PST