The Only Hans You Need profile picture

The Only Hans You Need

Knowledge isn't power unless you apply it.

About Me

I'm just a real happy guy. So blow me. :)

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My Interests

Music. Sports. Pie.

I'd like to meet:

I already know a ton of cool people but I'm down to meet more. The people I've met have been the greatest part of my adventures through life thus far (well, not all people, some people are douche bags, and honestly, I don't care much douche-baggery). Lessee.... I'd also like to meet Jesus, to see if he is as tall in person as he is in movies.

Music:

I generally admire versatile musicians with exceptional compositonal skills such as Danny Elfman, Mike Patton, Les Claypool... people like that. I also enjoy the following bands: Primus * Jurassic 5 * Acid Bath * Ozomatli * Johnny Cash * Alice In Chains * Pink Floyd * Wu-Tang Clan * Louis Armstrong * Nine Inch Nails * Stephen Marley * Fishbone * MC Supernatural * Gilbert & Sullivan * A Dark Halo * Tool * Shoppy * Mastadon * The Doors * Bad Religion * Faith No More * The Rap Bastardz * Tomahawk * Peeping Tom * Mudvayne * Lovage * Massive Attack * Rage Against The Machine * Miles Davis * VAST * Tori Amos * Megadeth * Oingo Boingo * Keller Williams * Trey Parker (hey, he writes some funny shit) * War * Richard Cheese * {Intake}ca * Beethoven * Andre Sergovia * Sepultura * Visionaries * Talking Heads * Threat Signal * Federation * Digable Planets * Guano Apes * Jahmbi * Rise Against * Bjork * George Clinton * Metallica * Gorillaz * Dumbluck * Some movie scores/soundtracks * and a whole bunch of other shit...

Movies:

300 * Fight Club * Sin City * The Jerk * Orgazmo * What the Bleep Do We Know? * Brain Candy * Cannibal: The Musical * Dogma * Ong Bak: Thai Warrior * Team America: World Police * Super Troopers * Big Lebowski * Pass The Ammo * Baseketball * Mars Attacks * The Matrix Triology * Snatch * Pulp Fiction * Waking Life * Airplane 1 & 2 * Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas * Death to Smoochy * The Labrynth * Equilibrium * Reservoir Dogs * Go * The Naked Gun movies * Kill Bill 1 & 2 * The Crow (the first one, all sequels and spin offs are lame and should have been aborted pre-production) * some other shit I can't remember right now... I don't know, I dig movies I guess. Mostly comedies, apparently. Ha fucking ha.

Television:

I mostly hate TV. Shows i tolerate are generally comedies and prime time animation like: Simpsons * Mr. Show * South Park * Frisky Dingo * Kids in the Hall * Brain Candy * Aqua Teen Hunger Force * Your Mom

Books:

I love many kinds of books of many genres: Think & Grow Rich * Preacher (graphic novels) * The Book of Five Rings * Transmetropolitan (graphic novels) * The Four Agreements * The Rock n Roll Singer's Survival Manual * The Guitar Handbook * The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success * Sin City (graphic novels) * The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series (So Long and Thanks for all the Fish, etc.) * Dune * The Karma Sutra * The Bible (why not?) * The Tao Te Ching * The Satanic Bible * The Incarnation of Immortality Series (On a Pale Horse, Bearing an Hourglass, etc.) * damn near any book by Chuck Pahluniak or however you spell his name * Tao Te Ching * Angels and Demons * The Writer's Market * A lot of great Sci Fi books by guys like Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury... I'm sure there's other books I like too but I doubt MySpace is a huge literary club full of people who really give a shit so I'll stop here.

Heroes:

I hate heroes.

My Blog

Of the Dying Breed and the Alchemic Method of Transmutating Vomit into Gold

I am fascinated by people who can write in neat, concise, trite little ideas. They wrap their unoriginal thoughts in semi-clever prose and pepper it with the occasional high school vocabulary word for...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Fri, 11 May 2007 12:06:00 PST

A humble dissertation on matters both amorous and erroneous.

A common adage states that common knowledge is not so common. Given this pretext, it is a common truth that matters of the heart are a domain that cannot be pierced by logic or reason. Surprisingly, t...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:18:00 PST

I was forced to take this homoerotic survey at gunpoint and post it as a blog. Enjoy, plebians.

Truly Original Survey Would you do this? 1. Join the Military or the Mob? The mob is probably more efficiently run than the military, but ultimately, I'm not a joiner. So neither. 2. Turn a close frie...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 10:53:00 PST

Song I wrote because I have feelings and shit... Yay feelings. And shit.

Rest assured there is no future for usI am better off beyond arm's lengthSome how you can make simple things hurtI am no longer your source of strengthSadly, all the ships have set sailAnd I find sola...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 05:04:00 PST

Decisions, decisions....

"This is your last chance to back out of this and keep your dignity", she thought to herself. "Am I to remain a slave to my own momentum, or is there anywhere in me the strength to change direction no...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Sat, 31 Mar 2007 04:33:00 PST

A Brief Tale of Love, Sex and Lies...

It was finally over. They were free from each other. After all the fighting, yelling, bickering, lying, cheating and name-calling finally came to cessation, the waters were finally still and not even ...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Wed, 21 Mar 2007 09:20:00 PST

PRIDE Fighting Championships

So I had the opportunity to attend the second Pride event to occur on US soil, PRIDE 33: The Second coming. I will be honest, there are a lot of Pride nuthuggers out there who hate on the UFC out of p...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Mon, 26 Feb 2007 02:55:00 PST

300 Preview...

...So I saw 300 last night at a private screening at the WB studios. I have to say, anyone who likes cinema go see it when it comes out, this movie is seriously bad ass. I intend to see it again, hope...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 05:35:00 PST

Skinnie 5 Year Anniversay

Skinnie Magazine (the company for which I work) is celebrating it's 5 year anniversary this Saturday night at the Highlands in Hollywood. doors open for VIP from 8-10, general public is admitted after...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Wed, 07 Feb 2007 03:45:00 PST

Divine Division...

So ironically, I just noticed my blog entry that says "Divine Union". I haven't posted much since then. I suppose it's fitting that now I post a blog about how I am getting divorced. Pretty funny, huh...
Posted by The Only Hans You Need on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:09:00 PST