ALPHA MALE

i have never been so tired in my whole life. I love barcelona. I am an emotionally unavailable man. I want to learn spanish. I like ordering room service. i like people who talk fast. I feel suffocated easily. i don't like being around anyone for too long, unless you are DAVE!! i am dark and scary. i hate the sun. nature makes me ill. happy things make my skin crawl. i never smile or laugh. bubbly, perky people make me break out in HIVES. muhfuckas with weak personalities should be SHOT. I hate that everybody knows everybody. I like my coffee BLACK, like I like airthang else. drinking water is TORTURE. funnel cake is offensive. I hate people who use gay-ass phrases like "heads up" and "touch base." I like eating spoonfuls of peanut butter straight from the jar like a big ol' pregnant bitch. ain't one kind of candy i haven't tried. flax seed oil is NASTY. so is wheatgrass. routine KILLS me. i hate small talk. i know all men are gay, even the "straight" ones. I like to wear beat-up ass t-shirts with rips and tears, oh and STAINS. i hate when people write "there" when they mean "their", or even worse, "whether" when they mean "weather." i like the word, "papusa." I'm convinced there are no real men; THEY ARE ALL LITTLE BITCHES. I hate people from the Pacific Northwest, except for just the few muhfuckas I LOVE. can't stand hot weather; love the bitter cold, how it turns your cheeks rosy and numb. i hate when people use the word, "clubbing" unless it's in the context of "I was clubbing the fuck out of her face." This guy once called me "light-skinned." Still trying to figure that one out. I want to move the hell up out of DC, and really wish I could take my sista wiff me. i like using the word, FOUL. I don't like neediness in ANYONE, especially myself. I hate most dog-owners and don't really like dogs, except for DAVE. I like the sound of my sister's dog yawning. Avocados are my drug. I used to hotbox the FUCK outta Gaulloises and now that I've given them up, I'm even more bitter. The only time I scream like a lil' girl is when I see an insect, ANY insect, or when I lose my candy. CANDY!! The only thing that makes me teary-eyed is wasabe. I have more crowns than teeth in my mouth. I like carnival rides. i hate the west coast but it's somewhat appealing cause it's not HERE. I sold out and got my first cell phone, and just recently discovered text messaging. I LOVE it because i don't have to talk to people. oh, yeah, my titties are way too big. they're almost as big as my ass.