titi jackee

i will eventually change my name to *whistle* legally. someday i will have pets named baby joker and big sleepy. i will be the maid of honor in the seagalbria wedding. i'm trying to bring back 90's hip hop dance. i'm somebody's bitch. i don't know how to whistle or snap my fingers. my dog breathes like a pot-bellied pig. i've got ho's in different area codes. i probably had a past life in which i lived on a farm in virginia, was a waitress and listened to buddy holly. my mom is a mix of jackee harry and queen latifah. my dad was a mix of cheech marin, ricky ricardo and scarface. my stage name would be either dottie louise, jackalackin', or phlegmingo. i was almost named josie or julissa. i think i resemble patrick swayze more than any other celebrity. i have three newts by the names of beavis, butthead and bazer (R.I.P.) yet i call them the black one, the fat one and the green one, respectively. my look can be described as tacky-chola-drag queen. i aspire to look somewhere between peg bungy and selena. i own a glow-in-the-dark lady of guadalupe. i have more phlegm than anyone in the world. i'm a walking calamity. i was voted most likely to become a cartoon character in high school. i admit to having rican rage. my favorite word is beverage. i'm bringing tacky back. i'm fat and ghetto. i want a gold nameplate of the name emanueline. my abuela called me jacquelina. my mom's boyfriend calls me jaquana. my sister calls me guadalupe. the fly girls are my inspiration. i'm a fashion don't. i go beep beep when i back up. i use old lady terms such as "goodness me", "my word", "oh my" and "cutey patootie". sometimes when i'm drunk i have an indian accent. bizarre foods on the travel channel make me hungry. the way to my heart is through my stomach. don't take me serious, unless i'm being serious. i'm a little bit of this & a little bit of that.