"I hereby proclaim a rennaisance! I recall the first spasmodic stirrings of television horror hosting back in the late 50's with Shock Theatre, and I am now witness to the rebirth of a hallowed genre, a brave New Era of creative enterprise, in which horror hosts have evolved beyond the outmoded & limited medium of days long gone and stepped upon the international stage of the internet! We appeal to an audience of world-wide scope and no longer just to the limited few within the narrow range of a television broadcast. No studio interests shall stifle our creativity with their petty mercantile demands! I therefore proclaim a New World of Internet Gods and Online Monsters!"
My name is Doctor Svornoff, although many of you probably know me by one of my other numerous aliases. Because of certain...ah, shall we call them "differences of opinion" between myself and the AMA concerning trivial matters like ethics and human experimentation, I have been persecuted by the medical profession for years and often have to quickly change my name and place of residence. I know that you've heard the ugly rumors disseminated by ex-colleagues who are envious of my brilliant mind and the ingenious nature of my theories. I assure you: I DID NOT KNOW THAT THOSE PEOPLE WERE STILL ALIVE WHEN I DISSECTED THEM! After all, they were just laying there immobile in the homeless ward, looking for all the world like lifeless cadavers. How was I to know they were just heavily sedated! Nor did I realize a year later, when I created the world's first and ONLY plutonium-based laxitive, that my experimental volunteers would suffer such unexpected and horrible side effects. True, I have invented most of the pesticides known to cause birth defects in humans. But think of the many species of insect pests I've eliminated! And although I confess to the occasional act of grave robbing and corpse trafficking, I assure you that I acted only in the great cause of SCIENCE! So you see, I am unfairly condemned by a medical establishment which lacks the intelligence to appreciate my true genius. I owe an immense debt of gratitude to my nurse, the lovely Bela Donna, for allowing me to conduct further research and experiments free from the fear of reprisal by lesser minds, all of whom I shall one day destroy...
