des!

there's no such thing as autobiography, there's only art and lies.
take it as it comes
and take me as I am
i never was a good imposter
but i know how to dream
and don't know where i stand
i'm willing to admit i try too hard
stop playing with my heart
i'm waiting by the phone
afraid to be myself
afraid to be alone
but everytime it rains
i know it's good to be alive
--Charlotte Martin
"I find it hard to talk about myself. I'm always tripped up by the eternal who am I? paradox. Sure, no one knows as much pure data about me as me. But when I talk about myself, all sorts of other factors--values, standards, my own limitations as an observer--make me, the narrator, select and eliminate things about me, the narratee. I've always been disturbed by the thought that I'm not painting a very objective picture of myself.
This kind of thing doesn't seem to bother most people. Given the chance, people are surprisingly frank when they talk about themselves. "I'm honest and open to a ridiculous degree," they'll say, or "I'm thin-skinned and not the type who gets along easily in the world." Or "I am very good at sensing others' true feelings." But any number of times I've seen people who say they're easily hurt hurt other people for no apparent reason. Self-styled honest and open people, without realizing what they're doing, blithely use some self-serving excuse to get what they want. And those "good at sensing other' true feelings" are duped by the most transparent flattery. It's enough to make me ask the question: How well do we really know ourselves?"
--Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart
"And myself? Observe me. There is something to be gained from my surface uses, and perhaps a little more from my lower depths, but my very bottom? That's where I am alone, the observer and the observed.
I descend, I try to tell the truth, but the primitive diving-bell that I call my consciousness is a more fallible instrument than the cheap thermometer in my fish-tank. I may not have a very bottom, I may be much shallower than I like to think, or I may be a creature of infinity, for now confined. My real world, as I fondly call it, may be the necessary cable that holds me in waters I can manage."
--Jeanette Winterson, Art & Lies
i am a girl who loves words, music, and people. sometimes i think i have a little too much love to give. people have been known to run from me due to my intensity. i am exceptionally forgiving but can be equally as harsh. i believe in truth (and its associated double-edged sword). i am happy for the first time in my life, and it's of my own doing. i'm independent, but not necessarily the most responsible girl in the world. i range from introspective and aloof to larger than life. i like to think that moderation's a game i play well, but i really live on the extreme ends of any spectrum. i care a lot, but i'm learning to walk away from those who aren't worth it. i'm learning slowly that i only deserve the best love, and i'm finding people in my life who are willing to give me that. i love to have fun, but i also like to make sure that the people around me are safe and taken care of. i'm a little bit of a mommy. i try not to be judgmental. i think kindness is imperative. i really, really want this world to be a good place.
who am i, if not one who listens for words to stir from the silences they keep?
screenname: doll sneerpiece
url: http://ifeelinfinite.net
"John felt that he and everybody in the New World was a part of a mixed curse and blessing from God, that they were a race of strangers, perpetually casting themselves into new fires, yearning to burn, yearning to rise from the charcoal, always newer and more wonderful, always thirsty, always starving, always believing that whatever came to them next would mercifully erase the creatures they'd already become as they crawled along the plastic radiant way."
--Douglas Coupland, Miss Wyoming
"you can be a loner in new york and still be surrounded by people. you can really live your life like a story, and fly by the seat of your pants. or you can stay home and order in. you can consume as much experience as you can stand. there's a lot of risk. i like risk." --parker posey