Ikikid [Jesenji Ajvarolog]

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A short interview with the Owner:

Mr. McKiddly, you are well known for the great Ajvar Affair, and as one of the greatest MySpace addicts ever known to the man kind, and also as a user that almost refused posting any surveys, bulletins or youtube clips, just posting large, humorous comments on your friends pages, and another of your key characteristics here is that you edit your profile quite rarely. Now you have chosen a drastic step, a leap forward, something we haven’t seen for a while, and many of MySpace analysists who view your profile, are left in a bit of a shock. And is it true you are going to sell or rent this profile to an another user, leaving us permanently?

Yeah, I’ve changed it. Why? Well, the bio section, or as you call it the ’’about me’’ section was written almost a year ago. Yeah. It feels great, actually, it’s much more comfortable this way. And I’m just too lazy to write it all over again. For all you sorry ass fuckers who still want to know something more about me, you can read the damn thing. I’ve put it up there, in the Blog. But most of you don’t read this shit no more. You are just too fucking bored, or lazy, or mellow. Go to hell, or find a life, or open up a facebook profile. MySpace is killing me anyway. And, yeah, by the way, when you’d be reading this, I’ll probably be elsewhere and this profile will be ran by some prick I’m paying in virgins blood to be my official admin. Damn right it’s on sale! Yeah, baby! I don’t give a fuck! And I cursed too much already, so beg my pardon, and shove the fucking cheese up your fucking bum! Fuck yeah!

That’s a quite radical approach, and I must remind you we are broadcasting this live…and don’t you think you should be more reasonable for just a few minutes? We haven’t even got to the second question…

Oh, shut the fuck up, I don’t need this.

…But people want to know…

Exactly! That’s the reason I don’t want to tell you no more shit of this kind. People want to know is the greatest lie you can imagine!

I understand. You’re having a hard time I see?

Damn, fuck yes! You’re right, sergeant! Now don’t write that down, it would make me sound like an fucking emo loser. And people that know me won’t read this at all, so I don’t mind. They know enough.

Yes. Well, just tell me, what has changed in your life since the time you opened your first account (you have a second one now, I believe also).

Yeah. Well, frankly, nothing changed. Not that I expected to. And not that I expected that change would appear suddenly, thanks to a social network, though I do thing I have lived in a fantasy world for a long time. Well, few things got worse, like my mom’s health, and my motivation fell on the bottom. I went through a very depressive stage. And yet, I did meet a few interesting people here and there. I’ve managed to lose more hair and to shave, after years of full beardy-ness. I got a new guitar, and although it is bought on the street, it’s in excellent condition. My grandfather bought it to my little brother as his ‘first instrument’, but it’s my toy most of the time, when he’s not around. I started singing in a band. That’s the most positive thing that happened in the past year and a half. I still didn’t had a girl, and I still live isolated most of the time, starring in the monitor, stuck with my dial up connection, Fruity Loops and Reason, and an empty jar of a once tasty condiment…. A friend said to me recently: ‘’days must pass by very fast for you. It wouldn’t be so if you lived like me. Every day something happens. I can’t rest.’’ I would never swap with him, I’m used to this… What else can I say. I look forward to selling this piece of shit I have. And being cynical till my brain says otherwise.

And, if you don’t mind I would ask you just one more question: what are your plans for the future?

Hum. Well, as the matter of fact, I think I know. I want to become more responsible, and organized, so I could acquire a decent career one day. I want to find a time for myself, and to learn to be satisfied with what I’ve got. And I want to eat this fresh plums on the table, thank ye very much.

Thank you, Sir. May I have some of those?

My balls? No, off course you can’t. Shove it up your ass, Mr. Imaginary Journalist.

How nice of you! Well, it’s been a true pleasure talking to you, Mr. Kiddley, hope seeing you on Face Book…

Over my dead body!

…yes, you have been watching MyNalisis, a place for Spaceopathology, a interview with a patient… I am Ryan McFaggot, stay tuned for the newest headlines from the evil terrorist Russian puppet state of Abkhazia, God shave them all, and Slobodan Sakashvili esp…