i am very interested in hot air balloons, attractive men who are insensitive assholes, natural selection, Mythbusters, body hair, Electric Light Orchestra, and Clive Owen.
i believe this section of my myspace profile should include my interests, as well as my disinterests, which are: empowerment, politics, laws, philosophy, obeying the laws, disobeying the laws of physics, the well-being of others, sociology, entitlement, human rights, people who don't push in their chair before they leave, middle aged women who won't reveal their age, low water pressure, people that tell you everything they ate during the course of one day, and giving money to charity. and those were my disinterests.
my interests are as follows: bear raping, unleashing the fury, violación del oso, Bär Raub, streaking, walking around in the nude, being naked, not wearing any clothes, taking off my apparel, stripping, nudity, harassing innocent pedestrians or fellow motorists with water pistols while shouting ebonic obscenities, men, jellyfish, Montel Williams, shoelaces, jewish people, illegal aliens, Germany, prostitution, making up bizarre and lame profiles on the internet, Country Time Lemonade, public television, hating Canadian people, Jem, Polly Pocket, lesbians, Dharma & Greg, rainboots, carrots, miniature teapots, bees, grasshoppers, snails, sloths, elephants, nudibranchs, aye-ayes, barn owls, whales, horses, sea cucumbers, my "friend" Kathie (she's only my friend when she wears boob-tassels, otherwise, she's just some Korean girl who i have lots of unprotected sex with), religion, isaac brock, raping isaac brock, pretending isaac brock is in love with me, forcing my friend Kathie to wear a mask of isaac brock's face when we "do it", forcing bears to wear a mask that looks like isaac brock's face while i make love to them, forcing isaac brock to wear a mask that looks like a bear's face while i rape him, dancing for money, hookers, whores, cunts, street-walkers, tramps, call girls, transvestites, transexuals, strippers, mousest modse, feminine deodorant spray, tampons, pads, kotex, midol, cramps, tension headaches, hot flashes, leaking on my period while wearing whitepants, urine, peeing on bears' faces, getting chased by a pack of angry sexually-frustrated bears, having makeup sex with bears, getting married to a bear, talking shit on my new bear in-laws, going on a wild honeymoon with my new bear-wife, having bear-babies, sending the bear kids off to college, going on a talkshow (preferably Montel Williams) to reveal my gayness, getting kicked out of my house for being a queer, making some mistakes while searching for my true self, deciding to go to school to become a bear-gyencolegist, becoming a bear-gynecologist, getting arrested for malpractice on bears, going to bear jail, being scared to fall asleep in bear jail, learnig the ropes of bear jail from a friendly black bear, getting released from bear jail, telling my story to all the problem-bears out there on the Montel Williams show.
I'd like to meet:
opportunists. and this fine fucker right here:
Music:
i only know 3 R.E.M. songs and guess what? i don't like 2 of 'em.
Movies:
Suburbia. worst acting ever. best quote: "what does that T.R. stand for? Totally Ridiculous?"
Television:
i don't watch T.V. i have dedicated myself completely to the practice and mastery of impregnating bears. BOOMSHANK!
if for some reason i somehow manage to pull myself away from my demanding job and pleasure-driven lifestyle, i enjoy nature programs, Carnivale, Curb Your Enthusiasm, the Big Comfy Couch, the Puzzle Place, Dharma & Greg, Histeria, Are-Oh-Vee, Conan O'Brien, Girlfriends, cancelled UPN shows including Rock Me Baby and the Parent 'Hood, and others.
Books:
the Don Sunset Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Dining Dandy, MEIN KAMPF,"the Ultimate Weight Solution" by Dr. Phil, "Prostitution: the Story of Ginger Vitis-Baker-Malone", "Plastic Surgery Disasters and You", "How to Give a Bear hepatitis C For Dummies" (and all other books "for dummies"), "Dat Baby Ain't Mine!: the History of Paternity Tests and Sabotaging Condoms", " 'Look at his ears! he look like Dumbo!': how to talk your way out of a paternity test", "So You're Going to Hell: Coping With Catholicism", "Capitalism: bad for them, good for you", "Triple X equals no sex: Straightedge Culture and Ideology", and "Fabulous!: Everyone is Gay Except for You".
Heroes:
Hasidic Jews, Jewish bears, men with beards, bears with beards, Jewish men with beards, or Jewish beards with bears attached to them. and Rockabillies. Rockabillies are my heroes. they're the coolest people on the planet.
and the dude.
