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The saying goes, “Time heals all wounds.†I guess it depends on the wound, and the scars that are left behind. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ I met a girl named Ann when I was a sophomore in high school. Besides her name, all I knew about her was that she had lost one of her hands. I never knew how she lost it, or when she lost it, but she was obviously different from the rest of us. Kids made fun of her, called her names, and giggled and whispered when she walked by. I felt sorry for her, but I never stepped in and took up for her, and I regret that to this day. And why didn’t I say something? I knew firsthand how deep that knife could cut. After all, I had a younger sister who was learning disabled. I knew about the whispers. I was fully aware of the pain it could inflict, yet I said nothing. That was thirty-nine years ago and I still think about that girl almost every day. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ Youth has a way of blinding us to some of the harsh realities of life, until something happens…something that makes us pay attention. Something happened to me when I was sixteen; something which, if given a choice by God, none of us would choose. I was an ordinary teenager, who has since lived an extraordinary life, not by choice, but because of circumstance. Fate forced me, literally, to decide whether to live or die, fight or fail, quit or contribute. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ More often than not, it is hard to determine a clear cut beginning to a story. In my case, it isn’t. I was sixteen; I was on an All State swim team in Midland, Texas and riding and showing horses all over West Texas; I was involved in many high school activities and I was in love for the first time, or what I conceived as love at that time. Life was at its best and dreams were within my grasp. But, a storm was brewing. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ On a clear, crisp March afternoon in 1968, the nightmare began. I was a passenger in an automobile accident with four of my friends in which I broke my neck and suffered a spinal cord injury, left to live life from a wheelchair as a quadriplegic. My life fell apart, and at that point I didn’t think it was worth the effort it was going to take to put it back together. If given the option back then, I would rather have died in that wreck. But sometimes when fate intervenes we’re not given a choice…it’s a gradual transformation. I lost my former characteristics, my essence…the person I believed I really was, and because I liked who I was, it became all the more difficult to endure. And how could I expect other people to accept who I was if I couldn’t? Gradually, I began to evolve. I began to see a path, but it was not without obstacles and certainly not without heartache. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ When a spinal cord injury occurs, the life that was familiar, comfortable, satisfying and rewarding is wrenched away, literally in the blink of an eye, and the life you know is gone forever. Another way of life begins, not a life of your choosing, but one you must figure out how to live. The first few weeks are spent worrying whether you’re going to live or die. The next few months, sometimes years, are spent wondering how in the world you’re going to bear living life from a wheelchair, let alone enjoy it. Things that you were once passionate about become painful memories, because you feel as if the only thing you’re going to be able to do is watch the world turn as life passes you by. But, somewhere in the beginning of the journey, if you have any desire to succeed at all, you find a starting point. You accept this hand you’ve been dealt and begin to gamble on a new life. With time, your memories become pieces of time that can, once again, bring a smile to your face. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ Let me be quick to say that behind every spinal cord injury, there is a family, and there are friends whose lives have also been drastically affected. They make tremendous sacrifices and commitments on a daily basis. They feel helpless at first, but by degrees they grow strong too. They have to put the relationship they knew to rest and begin to develop a new one that is rooted from bits and pieces of the person they once knew. At times they grieve so badly they want to walk away. But if they are strong…if they are dedicated, they stay, always remembering that the character and personality of their loved one has been bruised, but is still intact. It takes the strength of family and friends to heal. In fact, it’s critical in recovery. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ I was told early on that I would probably only live ten years beyond my injury; it’s been thirty nine years since my accident. I was sixteen when the accident happened, I am fifty-five now. I was told by professionals that I shouldn’t marry because it would be a tremendous burden and probably wouldn’t last; I met my amazing husband when I was twenty two and we were married a year and a half later, and were married for thirty one years. He was able to look past my disability and see my heart. I lost him only last year to a sudden and dreadful heart attack, and my heart is broken...so, another new path begins, again...not by choice. I was told by specialists that I would never be able to live independently and would never drive again; I live on some acreage in Magnolia, Texas and I drive a modified van everywhere I go. My husband and I were told by one of my doctors and several specialists that I would never be able to become pregnant, and if by some miracle I did become pregnant, I would not be able to carry a baby to term; I had two normal pregnancies and two normal deliveries. Our children, (seen in the photos) are gifts to this world and are blessing our family with beautiful grandchildren. Lindsey is twenty-five and Nathan is twenty-seven. Doctors are human and aren’t always right, and times have changed and so much more is known about women who have spinal cord injuries and want children. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ With Christopher Reeve bringing his injury and paralysis to the headlines of the news, the awareness of spinal cord injuries has risen to the highest level of interest to date. The main focus, however, is a cure. The world is in desperate need of a cure because of the rising numbers of spinal cord injuries, and we are closer and closer to getting one, but there are those who have been living with the effects of spinal cord injuries for decades. I am one of those people and 'What Happened When I Blinked' is my story. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ I became the person who heard the whispers when my back was turned, like Ann. But, it doesn’t bother me—not in the least. I have learned what I’m sure Ann knew way back in high school—that it’s the differences that make you unique—it’s the differences that make you strong—it’s the differences that force you to see life in a different light, and to appreciate it all the more. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ So…does time heal all wounds? I’m not so sure that it does. What it does do is give us a different perspective on how we view things, I believe, and make us more sensitive to the needs of others because of our own requisites. Strength comes from within and if you have trials, which we all have at some point in life, the strength only increases when put to the test. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ But, me? Well, I chose to live and love and to try and overcome barriers life throws in my path, with the help and understanding of my amazing husband and family. I want to be a part of, not apart from. I decided that what happened to me was not, and would not define who I was…and I’m happy that I did. My story didn’t start with that wreck, and it surely didn’t end with it—but on March 10th, 1968 when I was sixteen years old, my life intersected. In the blink of an eye, I lost a life that I loved...and in that moment, the girl disappeared, and the woman I would become began to emerge, leaving behind childhood hopes and dreams. I opened new eyes and began to look at life from a different mindset…a new perspective. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ It was a tragic moment that has brought about an amazing life…a life that, had it not been for the grace of God, and the strength of friends and family, could have easily been lost in the chaos. But because I chose to look past the adversity and see possibilities, this life of mine, though plagued with obstacles, became extraordinary…knowing no boundaries. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ My future carries with it the optimism that was ingrained in me as a child. I’m proud of the person I have become and the life I have led. Almost every dream I had as a child I have realized…I just took a different path to get there and my old dreams took on new parameters. During our lives we have many doors close while a window opens. It’s our obligation to look for the window…and don’t we owe it to ourselves to try? ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ ~Terry Aycock Ensign~“When one door of happiness closes, another opens...but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.â€Helen Keller
