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DONNA D ERRICO [ SOOOOO WONDERFUL]DONNA D'ERRICO, TV and FILM STAR, Talks About Divorce, Custody, Nikki Sixx, and more!Donna D'ErricoSeptember, 2007 Donna D'Errico may be famous and live in Hollywood and divorcing a rock star, but in some respects her story is the same I hear from people every day in every city and town across the world. Join us as she talks about her divorce, her pain, and some very courageous acts she took in the courtroom.
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an interview with Ann BradleyAnn: Donna, I've been delighted to know you this past year and meet Rhyan and Frankie. You've obviously done a great job of mothering - it shows in every way with the kids. Rhyan looks like he has a future in classical piano and Frankie is creative and charming and a delight to be around. I know this past year has been difficult with the divorce from Nikki. How are you holding up?Donna: I'm fine. No one likes court and litigation, but I've been working on a new film with director Mary McGuckian with an ensemble cast including myself, Jennifer Tilly, Andie MacDowell, Elizabeth McGovern, and others and that's been great. My kids keep me busy and I like that. I'm also working on a new TV series and a book.Ann: Speaking of books, Nikki's book just came out. What can you tell
us about that and how do you feel about it?Donna: I am happy for him. The book is cathartic for him - it puts his
past in perspective and it allows him to move forward with his career,
so congratulations and best wishes are in order for him.Ann: Did you help him on the book?Donna: Oh yes! It was a creative and fun experience.Ann: Tell us about the book you are working on.Donna: Many people have asked me about my career and
various life events and I want to thank them for their interest. I
hope this book gives them answers and also provides a road map for
others - how to become happy, raise kids and move on during good
times and bad. I've learned so much and I want to share my life
lessons with people everywhere.Ann: I've read part of it and it's great. You're a good writer and it
is compelling. Can you tell us more about it?Donna: I'm always amazed that people think my life has been an easy
one and theirs is not. As I had children, got married, and now
divorced, I've had a chance to reflect on many of life's events - or
as Shakespeare put it - 'the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."
Like many, my childhood wasn't perfect and then nothing seemed to go
as planned - both the good and the bad came at me fast and furious.
And it seemed that every great thing that came to me, came with a
price.Ann: And you've lived those ups and downs in the public eye.Donna: Yes, I have. And because of that everything has been larger
than life in some ways. It's fun, it's exciting, but it has another
side to it and I want people to know that.Ann: Like what? The divorce? Does it have another side to it?Donna: Absolutely!Ann: Everyone on here knows I divorced a narcissist. But I have the
luxury of picking and choosing what parts of my very "unfamous" life
to share. For example, I was in collaborative law with my ex (not a
good idea with a narcissist) and behind my back he was writing emails
to his attorney telling him made up stories about things I did. I had
no idea why his attorney didn't seem to be very friendly in this
supposedly friendly arena of collaborative law. When I saw the
stories I was shocked. It hurt - and what hurt more was knowing his
attorney believed it. You don't have that luxury. Has anything like
that happened to you?Donna: Yes! And you are right about being in the public eye. My
former husband is Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue which has a huge fan base.
He's very well liked and especially so right now because of his new
book, The Heroin Diaries. I watch him promoting the book and I know
that people are seeing only what he wants them to see. Like you, I
have stories made up about me that are very painful. Behind the scenes
with Nilkki is just like any other woman divorcing a narcissist/abuser.Ann: Can you tell us about some of them?Donna: I raised Nikki's three kids for 10 years and came to love them
very much. When we separated, I rented a house large enough for all of
them to come visit. They never came. I was devastated and couldn't
understand why until I found out he was telling them things about me
that weren't true. He told them I kept them from their biological
mom. That just wasn't true, but it made a good story - and made me
look bad. He is very good at manipulation and using words to his
advantage. That's why I came to find your website - I was looking for
information about narcissism.Ann: You know Donna that very few of us have partners that have been
diagnosed as narcissists, but labels really don't matter. The actions
speak for themselves and when you put them together you find they are
all the same. Many women think they are alone in being blamed,
denigrated, put down and lied about. Then when they try and say, "NO!
It never happened this way. Please listen to my side." it turns out
that being on the defensive is not a good place to be.Donna: I found that out the hard way. Nikki was always making up stories
about me that were just outrageous and I felt I had to rebut each one. It became scary to see how he defined me with his stories.Ann: Can you tell us one?Donna: Sure. He said that I said bad things about Brandi - his first wife - to his daughter after the divorce. I raised the kids for ten years and I miss them so much. He's kept them apart from me and it is a painful event. He made up a very convoluted story about his daughter in the backseat of a car, hiding from me, and overhearing me tell her nanny stories about her mom. What is weird is that during our marriage he used to send me emails about how he wanted offshore accounts to hide money from her and he was the one who called Brandi names.Ann: Hiding assets from a wife! This is so typical. I have watched Nikki in some online videos recently talking about donating profits to Covenant House. I don't know him, and if I didn't know what you were dealing with, I might find him credible and charming. It's very hard to fight that image for any person, but he's larger than life! I admire how you hold your head up high and keep on going during all this.Donna: Thanks.Ann : Donna, you told me that one of your great disappointments and surprises was how Nikki did not continue the parenting of Rhyan which he had done for so many years. Can you tell us about this?Donna: It was such a blow to both of us - we still talk about it. My heart breaks when I see the sadness in Rhyan's eyes when he knows Nikki left him when he left the house. You see, Rhyan's biological father is dead and Nikki raised him, financially supported him, and proclaimed him his full son to the world online and in his personal writings (even tattooing his name on his leg and putting him in his will as a full child of his), referring to him as "son" and with Rhyan calling him "Dad"---for all practical purposes Nikki WAS and still IS Rhyan's dad. I don't know what the legalities involved with that are in California, but legalities or no--Nikki is Rhyan's father. And he abandoned him, deserted him, and rejected him. Rhyan became suicidal over that rejection and Nikki's severing the relationship with his other siblings...and Nikki could not have cared less. His behavior and treatment and psychological abuse and harm of Rhyan has been horrific. Rhyan still suffers a great deal. I don't want to minimize it..Ann: I hear a loving and protective mother in there, Donna. I hear your outrage. Rhyan is lucky he has you to help weather this and put it in perspective. I don't think anyone reading that can help but see what you have done for the kids and how you got blindsided.I know you did something very courageous in court recently. Can you tell us what you did?Donna: Sure. I fired my former attorney two days before trial and went in by myself on the day of the trial and asked for a continuance.Ann: I'm impressed! Why did you do that at the last moment?Donna: I didn't know I could do it until then. I thought I was stuck with my former attorney who didn't do discovery, who threatened to quit if I didn't sign a custody agreement, and ignored me so much that there were hearings I didn't even know about. I kept asking and asking for information and none was forthcoming. It was very hard to deal with. I knew Nikki was hiding assets like he did with his first wife. I said, "Enough!", fired him and asked for a continuance. I got it.Ann: Good for you! Learning that there are rights you have when everything is falling apart can be so empowering. Not a lot of people would go in on their own on the day of a trial, with witnesses already called, and say "No more. I want my day in court. With all the facts, with the truth on the table and an attorney that likes me, respects me and advocates for me." I know you have that kind of attorney now. What's it like?Donna: (laughing). Night and day! He even helped me see opposing counsel should be disqualified and we wrote a motion to do so.Ann: That's huge! What a brave step. Why should they be disqualified?Donna: Ethics violation. I was their client when married to Nikki and they should have gotten permission from me to represent him. It isn't fair to me that they represent him because now that the situation is adversarial, their prior knowledge of me is an unfair advantage for them - and an unfair psychological burden for me - not to mention it's being a violation of the rules - which I now understand.Ann: Amazing what lessons you have learned. I saw some of the emails to your prior attorney. You were sending HIM case law, and begging to be told about your case. I understand you filed a bar complaint about him.Donna: I sure did. He thought he could do what he wanted and ignore me. He's not allowed to do that. He has to tell me what is going on. I was sanctioned and he still refuses to tell me why! And he can't threaten to quit if I don't sign something . I finally found out why I was sanctioned. It was because he neglected to do something in discovery. And I had to pay for it!Ann: Bravo, Donna! You are so bright and so brave. I know you have told me that no matter what happens now, you are stronger and happier than in a long time. Is this because you took a stand against legal, emotional and economic abuse?Donna: Absolutely. Taking a stand is important. I also want to role model for my daughter that women can fight back, take charge and have a good life even in the midst of problems. I want her to be resilient, brave, and strong. You know, many people don't know this, but the family court system is not friendly to mothers and kids. I had no idea about this until I got into it. If anything I do can help change it, then I want to do it.Ann: I understand your book will discuss this. And that you are also doing a TV pilot on divorce because you want to open up the eyes of America to what is going on and help kids and moms. Is that right?Donna: Yes. I am starting a non profit called Donna's Corner. I see it as a little corner of the universe where women can come for information and help for themselves and their kids going through divorce. I want kids to be safe and moms to be respected.Ann: I am sure we will be hearing from lots of people who want to get involved with Donna's Corner. How can they help?Donna: Soon we will have a website with all the information about how they can start a local Donna's Corner and information about what we do.Ann: Wonderful! I will let everyone know when it is ready. What a great time I have had talking to you. I admire you, your kids, your mothering and your resilience. You've taken steps in your divorce that many women here can learn from. The world doesn't end when you take bold steps is one important lesson but so is the one that says, "I respect myself, and no matter what someone is saying about me, I know who I am and what is right and I will help me get to where I need to be." (even if it means firing an attorney two days before trial!)Your new movie sounds great. What's the name and what else can we see you in?Donna: The working title on this film is "ART in Las Vegas" about assisted reproductive technology. My previous film, "Intervention", will be at the San Diego film festival and others this November. I am very excited about that one, too. It deals with the pitfalls of being in a relationship with a drug/alcohol abuser. And the tentatively entitled "The Big D", my TV pilot, will be being filmed most likely in October!Ann: Thanks so much Donna. I will pass on emails to you that people send. And Donna has graciously offered to answer questions. So, send them in! Please send them to ASK DONNA