ruiner - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I want to know how it'll end. I want to be sure of what it'll cost. I want to strangle the stars for all they promised me. I want you to call me on your drug phone. I want to keep you alive so there is always the possibility of murder later. I want to be there when you learn the cost of desire. I want you to understand that my malevolence is just a way to win. I want the name of the ruiner. I want matches in case I have to suddenly burn. I want you to know that being kind is overrated. I want to write my secret across your sky. I want to watch you lose control. I want to watch you lose. I want to know exactly what it's going to take. I want to see you insert yourself into glory. I want your touches to scar me so I'll know where you've been. I want you to watch when I go down in flames. I want a list of atrocities committed in your name. I want to reach my hand into the dark and feel what reaches back. I want to remember when my nightmares were clearer. I want to be there when your hot black rage rips wide open. I want to taste my own kind. I want to be wrapped in cold wet sheets to see if it's different on this side. I want you to come on strong. I want to leave you out in the cold. I want the exact same thing but different. I want some soft drugs.. some soft, soft drugs. I want to throw you. I want you to know I know. I want to know if you read me. I want to swing with my eyes shut and see what I hit. I want to know just how much you hate me so I can predict what you'll do. I want you to know the wounds are self-inflicted. I want a controlling interest. I want to be somewhere beautiful when I die. I want to be your secret hater. I want to stop destroying you but I can't. And I want and I want and I want and I will always be hungry. And I want and I want and I want.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

People who look, sound, feel, smell and taste good. A reliable Dopamine Dealer...

Music:

I tend to like bands named after animals such as; Revolting Cocks, Sheep on Drugs, Pigface, Skinny Puppy, etc. Songs that have counting in them or the lyric "she said" are often very good. Native Wayne's Smoke-In is the highlight of my week.

Movies:

Mostly arty foreign films. Some of my favorites: Wings of Desire, Donnie Darko, Snatch and Lock Stock, La Reine Margot (I could look at Isabelle Adjani forever), Farewell My Concubine, Ridicule, A Very Long Engagement, Aria, Lair of the White Worm, L.A. Confidential, Tombstone, The Ninth Gate, Brahm Stoker's Dracula, Titus, Memoirs of a Geisha, V for Vendetta, The Hunger, The Wisdom of Crocodiles, Videodrome, The Weight of Water, The 13th Warrior, Requiem for a Dream. Favorite Directors: Lynch, Jeunet, Tim Burton, Ken Russell, Lars Von Trier (especially the Danish stuff), Jane Campion, Julie Taymor and Roman Polanski.

Television:

Puts me to sleep.

Books:

I read EVERYTHING.

My Blog

Birthday Spankings!!!

Come watch me get my Birthday Spankings from Mistress Melissa at Bar Sinister on Saturday Night. I'll probably arrive at around Midnight. If you'd like to take some spankings for me, I'll be at ...
Posted by ruiner on Fri, 02 May 2008 12:44:00 PST

Change of Plans

So, planning a trail ride is too much of a pain in the ass for this technically middle-aged chick, so here's the new plan: A number of people will be meeting me at the ranch to meet Dragonfly, The Mos...
Posted by ruiner on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 08:33:00 PST

It’s that time of year again!!!

Who would've guessed that my birthday activity might involve horses??? So, my 35th birthday is Sunday, May 4th, and I've been dying to do this ride for a while. Party bonus that we get to eat at...
Posted by ruiner on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 07:28:00 PST

Minor Complaint

I was on a gameshow a few months ago and I won a bunch of money. I have already spent this money, and one of the few things I have to show for it is this gigantic fancy bed. I am single girl, wh...
Posted by ruiner on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 03:21:00 PST

It finally happened!!!!

I rode my mighty steed, Dragonfly for the first time today.... ...mostly on my stomach across the saddle, but he did a 50 meter circle with me on his back and didn’t care about it at all. And th...
Posted by ruiner on Fri, 04 Apr 2008 10:33:00 PST

Holy Cow!

What a day! Jacqueline (my trainer and breeder of my beautiful Dragonfly) invited Cammy and myself to help with a photoshoot today involving her amazing Friesian breeding stallion Krist. And I am so t...
Posted by ruiner on Sat, 29 Mar 2008 10:56:00 PST

review

This week has been... okay. My dog and horse are freaking amazing. I tried to get on my horse for the first time yesterday (unsuccessfully). He’s not quite ready yet. Today, I...
Posted by ruiner on Mon, 24 Mar 2008 10:56:00 PST

Dragonfly the Brave

My horse made me so proud today AGAIN. I asked Bud if he’d like to show me a little about trailering, and he said he would open the trailer for me. So, I took Dragon out and longed him, and head...
Posted by ruiner on Mon, 17 Mar 2008 10:33:00 PST

ow, ow, ow

My equine son whacked me in the head with his jawbone today, which felt much like getting socked in the head with a dull axe. Horses have hard heads! He didn't do it on purpose, though, so no ha...
Posted by ruiner on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:11:00 PST

squee squee squee!!!!!!!!

I went out to the barn to play with the Baby Dragon today, and I spent a long while leisurely grooming him, getting the knots out of his mane, talking to him, petting him. I decided to just have the b...
Posted by ruiner on Tue, 04 Mar 2008 06:59:00 PST