Cary Coatney profile picture

Cary Coatney

I'm not half the cartoon that I used to be

About Me

Well, for those who've been hiding under a rock for the past year & a half - like me, for instance- I used to be a Warner Bros employee stationed at the MIS department until those Hindu cut throat out-sourcers took away my job and sent it overseas. These days I'm stuck in the offices of Sony Pictures Television providing Neilsen ratings to a bunch of worthless syndicated game shows, court shows, and Seinfeld reruns. Ok, I guess they still bring in a lot of revenue -especially Seinfeld and Wheel of Fortune- but where's my end? I guess life's not all that bad if you're employed in the entertainment biz, but jeez, most of my living was made on OT. I've got credit card debt up the yang, my ex-porn star gal pal has left me in the lurch and tried to have me whacked, and I can't score more than 3 numbers in the California Lotto (HOWEVER, my self-published Deposit Man comic book series IS NO LONGER IN LIMBO!! At least, that's one good thing positive going on in my life) How much goddamn worse can it get? Currently enrolled in the Chronic Masturbation Prevention 12- step program.

My Interests

When I do have the spare cash - I like throwing my money around on comic books, a mean bottle of merlot, movies, DVDs, the latest in prog rock CDs, synthesizers, and callgirls (BUT only when I DO have a lot of cash lying around).

I'd like to meet:

Other sad sacks in the similar situation that I'm in.

Music:

Prog - and nothing but prog!! Yes, Genesis, Marillion, IQ, Ayreon, Arena, Flower Kings, Spock's Beard, Porcupine Tree, No-Man, Dial, Dream Theater, Threshold, Pallas, Jadis, Kate Bush, Pure Reason Revolution, Blackfield, Elbow, Frost*, Saga, Rush, Gentle Giant, The Watch, King Crimson, Riverside, Amaran's Plight, Wolverine, and Asia.

Movies:

Anything that's comic book related: Star Wars - all fucking six of 'em, The new Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, X-Men I, II, & III, Hulk, Punisher, Punisher War Journal, Swamp Thing, Man-Thing, Spider-Man I, II, & III, Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, NOT Batman & Robin, Batman Begins, Batman: Dark Knight, Supergirl, Superman I, II, III and Not IV- but effie on Superman Returns, Daredevil, Elektra ( yes I did like it) Hellboy, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, Ghost Rider, Constantine, V For Vendetta, Fantastic Four , Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer, 300, Art School Confidential, Ghost World, Crumb, 30 Days of Night, The Crow series, Speed Racer, Stardust, (fucking)Iron Man (BABY!), The Incredible Hulk, Wanted, Whiteout, Persepolis, and the Watchmen.

Television:

The L Word, In Treatment, Medium, New Amsterdam, Battlestar Galactica, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The Sarah Jane Adventures, Doctor Who, Lost, Supernatural, Smallville, Stargate: Atlantis, The Spectacular Spider-Man ( a show I track at Sony), ON DVD: Saturday & Sunday morning cartoons ( Betty Boop, Defenders of the Earth, Sam & Max: Freelance Police, Lone Ranger & Zorro, Star Trek, Venture Bros; etc; etc) Le Femme Nikita, Painkiller Jane, and the bloody brilliant Torchwood!! DVD Movies: The 8 Horror Films to Die For

Books:

Anything by Ayn Rand, Carlos Castenada, Harlan Ellison, Caleb Carr, Clive Barker, Robert Crais, Neil Gaiman, Garth Ennis, Peter Milligan, Steven Grant, and maybe myself when I'm not so fucking lazy and can find the time to sit in front of the word processor.

Heroes:

Lady Miss Bee (where art thou?), Ms. Sex in Stilettoes, Harlan Ellison, Tony Banks, Jon Anderson, Carlos Castanada, Kate Bush, Gullermoro Del Toro, Stan Lee, David Lynch, Will Eisner, my dad, me, myself, and I. Current arch-nemesis: Rikki Lixxx - the harridan of hate who really needs to stop spreading her legs on the Hazeltine Hellmouth premises before Van Nuys Vice comes over and busts her one right across the chops!!

My Blog

Stupid Celebrity Pile-Up

That's the funny thing about search engines- one day, you find a incriminating piece of evidence, the next day you don't. Well, whatever it is- it's located somewhere on www.theeroticreview.com c...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 06:57:00 PST

The Essential Guide to Making Sense Out of All This Shit !!

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO MAKING SENSE OUT OF ALL THIS SHIT!! The only caveat is: There isn't anything to make sense out of. This one is going to be a real shorty. Not much to mincemeat over this week. I...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Thu, 14 Jun 2007 09:11:00 PST

THE RIKKI LIXXX RAP SHEET !!

THE RIKKI LIXXX RAP SHEET    pretty little hate muff dive machine still at large...     As a supplement to yesterday's developing story, which I hope serves as a pleasant div...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 01:36:00 PST

REVENGE OF THE CYST!!

REVENGE OF THE CYST!!  So much for Becky's prediction of what shape my penis is just by telling by the width of my neck.  Which leads us to this disclaimer:   Our regularly scheduled bl...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Thu, 07 Jun 2007 03:52:00 PST

Another Yes Concert Review from August 23, 2002 @ UA

  Well - get set for a real exciting all new blog next Thursday. Apparently last night around 11 o'clock - I was served with a subpoena by Rikki Lixxx's lawyers to serve ...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 03:46:00 PST

A Lonely Tear in the Fabric of the Rectum Space Time Continium (draft)

A LONELY TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF THE  RECTUM SPACE TIME CONTINIUM     When I was somewhere in the middle of my high school years, I had this really euclid nightmare about......dying....
Posted by Cary Coatney on Thu, 31 May 2007 01:59:00 PST

Yes ( with Dream Theater ) @ The Universal Ampitheater 9/19

YES ( with Dream Theater @ the Universal Ampitheater September 9, 2004 ( This was originally presented on the Yesworld.com website )   Hey, does anyone remember who Marv Albert's favorite rock b...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Fri, 25 May 2007 11:58:00 PST

A Fool's Errand in Paradise

          A FOOL'S ERRAND IN PARADISE It seems once again, I'm up to my eyeballs in shit scampi. I got let go from yet another gig at Fox - and it turned out t...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Thu, 24 May 2007 03:00:00 PST

Not the PP Guru's First Run In With Paris

All I've been hearing on the news for the past fucking week and a half is Paris Hilton this, Paris Hilton that. The tabloids have been fucking ridiculous with this 24/7 on the spot reporting on whethe...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Fri, 18 May 2007 02:37:00 PST

Maybe the Son Can Soothe the Savage Camel-Toed Beast ( Or Maybe Not)

MAYBE THE SON CAN SOOTHE THE CAMEL TOED BEAST - THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT    Before we festoon the underbrush of yet more vile machiavelian deception that was aimed towards me at that wretched h...
Posted by Cary Coatney on Thu, 17 May 2007 02:00:00 PST