The Mud and The Sun

.. Born in the suburbs. Red bricks. Conifers. Closed doors. Homes chewing on the blue glow of a TV. In the darkness. People workin hard, earning a dollar, buying a TV. Working harder, earning more, bigger TV. Not me. No thanks. My job serves a function beyond feeding four walls full of shite. It is not conducted in the pursuit of egregious wealth so that I might partake of Melbourne's patriotic/pathological patterns of consumption (disobedient, but an idiot nevertheless?); it is a meaningful experience, but brief enough to allow me certain other liberties. Possessions are tools. They define me only in so far as so many others have come to allow their consumption habits to define themselves; something of a binary opposite. Instead, I say invite chaos into your life. Undo the screws that kept you from coming loose. Nihilism presents some interesting issues, not least of which is this: what is the difference between 'a murder and a kiss'? Each person has their own "Truth". The truth is not some sacred site of wisdom around which we all must gather and from which all assailants must (or can) be repelled. The "Truth" might be one's personal experience of a series of physical events or facts. It is the confluence of these different experiences of events that give rise to the foundations of belief and of value. For each individual's experience of an event is so vastly different, so it is that our sense of morality is entirely unique. One man once said that it was religion's relentless pursuit of the truth and of honesty which undermined its very foundations, ensured that no reasonable person could possibly subscribe to God, and ultimately, turned its faithful into rabid athiests. That is an act of heroism. The challenge, it would seem, in the absence of one, singular over-arching belief system or religion, in this state of seeming chaos where all meaning is without foundation, and all men and women are ultimately alone, how does one find any kind of belief to anchor themselves to? Is there 'nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower'? Is life without meaning so utterly wretched? Loyalty, truth, honesty, committment, integrity. Without a universal truth these qualities are as useful as treachery or avarice or a nail without a hammer. But truth DOES exist, though atomised it might be, but it exists nevertheless. In the end, it is up to the individual to extract truth and meaning from life as they had always done prior to the experience nihilism (if experienced at all), only thereafter in the humble knowledge that their truth is theirs alone. Save your friends, find your place, speak the truth. After the last man on earth has laid his last brick, and the last woman on earth sighed her last sigh, the flood and the insect and the wind will become truth, and God will lay cowering among the dead, searching for meaning in Its existence. Believe what you need to believe. Do whatever you need to do. Believe in God and build a Church. Believe in politics and build a prison. Believe in nothing and build a bunker.on a less interesting note, i write. it has less to do with enjoying writing than actually needing to write. it is a sick compulsion. a symptom of a restless and needy soul. it is not a way to pass time (some people eat cupcakes. i say, fuck your cupcake). it is not a way to reach out, to touch people, get touched back, and then, make a movie about it. and it has nothing at all to do with being heard. instead, it provides for me a mere insight into a place, a force, a part of the universe, that i simply do not understand. and i continue to write even now despite being fully aware that there is no hope, no reasonable prospect, that i will ever understand what's really going on. and all of this effort irrespective of the fact that the very thing i am trying to appreciate, grapple with and connect to resides within and passes through every aspect of my being. i have lived with it for all of my 26 years and still it defies understanding. logic or no logic. home, as a concept, is twisted and contorted until it means nothing to us at all. you might read some of my blogs, tell me theyre utter shite. you're probably right. othertimes, they might make sense, but you wont tell me about that. sometimes its best to smash the cupcakes of our various philosophies before its all too late.

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