‘Free from harm’ exists to give people hope they can be free from self harm. It aims to empower people to take charge of their own lives and future. Here you will find information to understand self harm – its functions, addictive nature, and how to recover.
It is intended for people who self harm, their families and friends, professionals such as teachers, nurses and youth workers who come into contact with people who self harm, and anyone wanting to find out more about the subject. Please check out my other website for further information www.freefromharm.co.uk
‘Free From Harm’ offers 1 to 1 support
Via email [email protected]
Or contact me through myspace
I am available for face to face support (when geographically possible) in partnership with ‘Today’s Community Church’ based in Wigan, Greater Manchester, England. I am also available to speak at your organisation, school, church etc about my own experience of self harm and how to help people who are self harming. Please email for more details.
My aim in creating ‘Free From Harm’ is to break some of the stigma attached to self-harm and let people know there are many people who self-harm that are misunderstood and viewed negatively. When in fact they have no other way of expressing their emotions. I want to give hope to anyone who self-harms. There is a better life for you, and with the right support you can get there. I understand the need to harm yourself to manage your emotions. I've been there, I know how it feels to have thoughts of wanting to harm your body constantly running through your head, and you can see no way out. I want to tell you there is a way out and there are alternatives. The journey towards being happier in yourself and with your life can be long and at times you want to give up and can see no hope for change. But there is hope. I've been there and I've come out the other end. At times I never thought I would, and I never thought my life would ever change or become better. But it has because I took charge of my own life and made the decision I wanted more than self-harm. If you are trying to stop self-harming I hope ‘Free From Harm’ can be of some support to you. It is not intended to glamorize self-harm or be a 'trigger' to thinking about cutting. It is intended to give hope.
ABOUT ME
I'm Jane and I used to self-harm. During that time I felt so alone, like I was the only person in the world that would ever think of dragging a razor or piece of broken glass across their skin in some attempt to cope with their emotional distress. For many years I told no-one of my struggles, fearing judgement and rejection. I battled with the addiction of self-harm for around 7 years. Ironically, for 5 of these years I was trying to stop self-harming, yet was trapped in the vicious cycle. Through the right support and the right mind set on my behalf (I wanted to get better), I can confidently say that self-harm is no longer a part of my coping strategy for life. My past and my self-harming is now something that I can actually be grateful for. Now I can use my experiences to give hope to others.
Along with my personal experience of self harm, I am a qualified mental health nurse and currently work within acute mental health inpatient services. I have worked with many people who self harm and witnessed both positive and negative nursing interventions. I would like to see the experiences of patients who self harm on the wards improve and would like to see staff better empowered to provide treatment and care.
My personal journey to recovery was not an easy one and it didn't happen over night. Many times I slipped up and thought I had failed God, myself and the people around me who cared about me. Many times I felt like giving up and just accepting a lonely and desperate life of self harm. However there was something inside me that knew this was not the life I was created to live. Part of me was scared of failing and not being able to overcome, but I didn't let this stop me trying and fighting for a better existence with all the strength I had. The biggest failure would have been for me to give up and accept my life as it was. Yes I had some moments of weakness, but I didn't give up. I learned from them and I and grew. It was worth the fight.
Self harm is a growing problem in our nations. Recent stastistics in the UK suggest up to 1 in 15 teenagers are currently self harming. However actual figures are likely to be much higher, as many people self harm in secret. I want to do my bit in tackling this growing problem that is destroying lives and families. People need to know there is hope and there is a way out.
WHAT IS SELF HARM?
Self harm or self injury is the deliberate act of hurting yourself. It is something someone does to themselves, to cause deliberate harm. Self harm is often something done in secret and is hidden from others. Many people self harm secretly before having the courage to tell someone. Self harm provides temporary relief from emotional distress. However this relief is only short term and self harm does not address the person’s underlying issues. For example low self esteem.
Self harm is not to be confused with a suicide attempt. In fact many people who self harm describe it as their way to keep living and to avoid suicide. People who make serious attempts to harm themselves can be at risk from ‘accidental’ death through their self harm. This risk will be assessed by the professionals involved in their care.
Self harm is a symptom of another problem. It is a sign that all is not well and there is something else going on with the person.
There are many types of self-harming behaviours.
• Cutting the skin
• Burning the skin
• Banging the head or other part of the body against a hard surface
• Punching the face or body
• Hair pulling
• Self strangulation
• Overdoses of medication or harmful substances
• Swallowing foreign objects such as razor blades
• Inserting foreign objects into wounds
WHY DO PEOPLE SELF HARM?
It is hard for people to comprehend self-harm. It is a desperate attempt for the person to gain some control and manage their emotions. It is important to remember that if the person had another way to do this they probably wouldn’t be self harming.
Self harm is a coping mechanism – a way to manage difficult emotions and situations. Although it is not a 'healthy' coping mechanism, it is a coping mechanism all the same. Research shows people who self-harm have not learned to 'self-sooth,' (make themselves feel better). For example, in early development comforting experiences from care givers may have been absent. This means as a child/young adult the person did not acquire the internal ability to comfort themselves when distressed. Therefore as an adult the person has limited advanced methods of coping, and self harm is used as a way to cope with life and emotions. Self harm changes the person’s ‘emotional state.’ For example, from an emotional state of anger and frustration, to peace and calmness after the act of self harm.
Self harm is a way to express emotions. People who self harm often have difficulties expressing themselves and making their needs know in a sophisticated way. For example, the person is unable to tell someone they are unhappy and ask for help, so they self harm as a way to communicate this distress. This is often a subconscious decision – especially in the early stages of self harm. It should not be confused with a person ‘attention seeking.’ Often people self harm in secret and people around them are unaware of their actions. The person may be unable to cry or talk to someone about their problems. Emotions then build up inside and the person turns to self harm to get rid of some of these negative feelings and pain.
For some people self harm is a survival tactic. It is a way to avoid suicide, a way to keep them alive. They self harm as an alternative to suicide, as a way to get themselves through painful experiences and overwhelming emotions.
FUNCTIONS OF SELF HARM
It is clear that people self harm for a reason. The fact that self harm can quickly become someone’s only coping strategy for life, shows us that self harm works for the person. It does something to help them, it has a purpose. This is why it is difficult for a person to stop self harming.
Some of the functions of self harm include:
• To relieve stress and anxiety
• Create a sense of 'calm’
• Shows the person they are in control of their body and emotions
• Makes the person feel 'real' or ‘alive’ again
• Is a distraction from the real problem
• Gives a visual sign of the pain on the inside
• Communicates distress to others
• A way to ‘punish’ oneself
• A way to regain control
• Escape from overwhelming emotions such as anger, fear, depression, frustration
• An outward expression of internal pain
• Research has shown self-harm releases endorphins in the brain (our 'feel good' hormones) giving a sense of satisfaction and relief
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
There are various sign and symptoms, or warning signs to look out for that may suggest someone is hurting themselves deliberately. However this is not an exhaustive list and if you have concerns about an individual you need to speak to them sensitively.
• Wearing long sleeved tops throughout summer
• Social isolation
• Frequent unexplained injuries
• Problems expressing emotions
• Blaming themselves for events/problems
• History of sexual/physical abuse
• Victim of bullying
• Low self esteem and confidence
• Highly self critical and sets high standards for personal performance
HELPING SOMEONE WHO SELF HARMS
When someone self harms they have run out of other options, and to help them they need to be provided with the tools to deal with and express their emotions, whilst addressing the underlying issues. Self harm is a symptom of a range of other problems. The self harm cannot be addressed in isolation. The root problem needs to be dealt with. For example, a trigger to someone beginning to self harm may have been their parents divorce. This has caused them to feel unloved and rejected, and they may blame themselves for the divorce. These feelings have been turned inwards and the person begins to self harm. Friends, teachers, professionals etc may become involved and try and encourage the person to stop self harming. However if the original reason why they started to self harm initially is not dealt with, i.e. the feelings of rejection and guilt, the person will not be able to let go of the need to self harm to manage these emotions. Looking at the reason behind the self harm is crucial.
Understand self harm is their way of dealing with stress and anxiety. They have limited other ways to do this. Therefore to try and stop the person harming all together can be detrimental. Don't say things such as 'Promise me you'll never do it again.' You are taking away the only way the person can deal with life and overwhelming emotions. Before someone can stop harming they need to learn other ways of coping with their emotions. Only then will they be able to let go of their self-harm. Remember harming themselves works for them. It helps, if only for the short term. Underlying issues must be addressed if someone is to be completely free from any life controlling issue. If it is just the behaviours that are addressed it is common for the person to simply move onto another maladaptive coping mechanism to keep their control over their life and emotions. For example eating disorders or drug/alcohol addictions.
Often when people who self harm come into contact with professionals, they find the experience a negative one. Often they are seen as not ‘deserving’ of treatment and care because they have inflicted their injuries themselves. This is extremely detrimental as it confirms a lot of the negative beliefs that people who self harm have about themselves. For example, that they are worthless, a bad person, undeserving of kindness and insignificant and inadequate. If they are treated this way by professionals it confirms the person’s original faulty beliefs about themselves and the negative cycle of self harm continues.
If you come into contact with someone who self-harms don't judge them, try and understand and see the pain on the inside they are desperately trying to express, through the only way they really know.
ALTERNATIVES TO SELF HARM
As stated elsewhere, to truly be free from self harm the root issue must be addressed and dealt with. However there are ways to deal with the urges to self harm in the short term. Here are some suggestions. • Write down how you are feeling (poem, song, letter etc) • Talk to someone about your emotions and the trigger to self harm • Don’t be alone – go for a walk or spend some time with friends • Cry • Scream • Throw something non breakable • Hold ice in your hands to feel physical pain • Go to the gym • Tell yourself you won’t self harm now but if you still want to tomorrow you will (urges are usually quite impulsive and if you can get through those moments the urges usually pass) • Write words to describe your emotions on your skin (e.g. fear, frustration, anger etc) • Use a punch bag! • Talk to people who have been there – online discussion groups/Myspace etc. • Play a musical instrument if you can • Listen to some positive music (some music can be triggering) • Sleep • Have a relaxing bath (no razors) • Count to 100 • Deep breathing relaxation exercises • Ask someone to give you a hug...