Cathi with a "c" and an "i"

i had this "fairy tale" once... it had been all i had lived for, all i had ever wanted and everything a girl could ask for but in an instant it was taken away from me and i never saw it coming. i thought that i could not exist without it, that i needed to have it. so i tried to find it again. and i searched for it for a very long time.... that fairy tale was to feel what i had felt before. to fall completely and totally "in love" one more time before i left this earth. you know, that all consuming feeling that takes your breath away with a simple thought of the other person... the way your heart skips a beat when you see their name on your phone... or the way everyone else in a room disappears when they walk into it... where eye contact or a simple smile makes your toes curl... and where you connect on such a level, that you finish each others' sentences.... where you have to sigh because you are too overcome with emotion to speak when they say something sweet to you that stops your heart... where you miss them so much when they are away, that there is an actual physical ache all through your body..... where thoughts of them consume every waking moment and every dream while you are asleep... and ideally, in a perfect world, have that person feel that same way for you. however, since losing what i thought i needed to be happy, and after a couple of false starts, i realized a lot in its absence. this is not a perfect world and i realize that with time, people change and so do feelings... and you don't always have control over that.... i learned that what i value in my life is not always what other people value in theirs. and sadly that honesty, loyalty and trust are not as high on others priority list as they are on mine. but the most sobering thing i have learned is that above and beyond everything, all you really have is YOU.it took me a long time to catch my breath, but i did... and i have since modified my fairy tale to be something i WANT to have and not something i NEED to have in my life to be happy. i know now that you usually come across things that you've lost long after you stop looking for them and they are usually not where you would ever expect to find them...after a long time alone and a long struggle, i have become independent and self sufficient. i am a full-time mom, maintain a full-time job and i am also a full time student. i have rearranged my priorities and know that i can be independently happy... i also know that my fairy tale still exists.... but it will be with someone different. and i will take baby steps cause next time, i want it to be for real and be forever...*06/04/06-UPDATE* "fairy tale"?..... i'd say its more like a surreal fucking nightmare. thanks, but no thanks. i will stick to being independent, self-sufficient and alone. but i will miss him forever....**05/24/2007-UPDATE** guess i was wrong on the missing him forever part.... i know now, it was never meant to be with him, or it would have been. i am past all of that now thank god and a great network of friends! and as far as being independent, yes. self sufficient, yes. alone, i don't have to be and am thinking i no longer wanna be... the time i have been spending with a certain someone has changed my mind to all of that lately... you know who you are and i wanna thank you for standing beside me through all of my stupid decisions and giving me that big shoulder to cry on when needed. if it wasnt for you, i wouldnt be nowhere near as far as i am in the healing process..... i love you dearly and always have. and without a doubt, always will. i just needed to focus on what was real to see it.
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What does your birth month reveal about you? (Pics)
 
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studyin
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