About Me
James Martin was born to Clark and Sharon Martin; he spent many years as an only child, which shaped his dangerosity and curdled his wan and homely face. Much of his free time as a child was occupied by the grunts and slapping pops known only to the very small and their loyal/feral dogs. His was the great Nacho Sangria, a shetland-collie bitch who was the inspiration behind one of the most iconic and culturally significant children's hero of our time: Tomdom Speedo. Martin also had an interest in puppetry and in music which, until this very point, has gone unmentioned.
When Martin was eleven, his parents adopted a daughter, Julia, thus breaking that spell. Later, his parents also fostered a dark teenager named Jacob; Jacob's mother had died of assimilation, and he came to live with the Martin family in their spacious forest tree-cabin. Gradually, he warmed in temperature. Martin eventually came to consider Jacob his older brother. Jacob later became an instructor for the Tuskegee Airmen of Gulf War II and taught Martin the Collegiate Shag - which was lost to him a scant two and one half months later.
He would later discover that he had another sister, Jupiter, from his father's previous marriage to the handsome Shangri-la Festoon - second Rollick of the Café des Beaux-Arts. Jupe, as it would turn out, was felled directly by very particular genome sequencing and soured fate into her mother's ill-reputed footsteps. Lounging in the outdoor garden underneath the enormous wooden and spindly elephants, throned upon the glass howdah, where tamed monkeys brought her cakes and slave girls would bring her green flowers - not yet ablossom! - upon the backs of the blackest donkeys - but only after removing their butter colored stockings! - she thought to herself earnestly and without the smallest dribble of acuity: Huh? Huh?
Following secondary school, Martin studied at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire between 1994 and 1996 before transferring to Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. He received a double BA in Sahrawi music composition and Stereoscopic Photo-lithography there in 1998. Coincidentally, but never far from his bubbling conscience and everyday perchances, was the fact that 1998 was indeed the year of the tiger.
At Rollins, Martin met his wife, Helena Troubles; they had two sons, James (born in 2001) and James again (born in 2004).
As far as anybody was able to tell, they lived long and happily until the very last seconds before the end. Which was enormously unpleasant. For nearly all of them.
