Carp™ often refers to himself in the 3rd person... as a matter of fact, here a few interesting facts about Carp™...
-Carp™ doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Carp™.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Carp™ allows to live.
-Carp™ once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
-On a high school math test, Carp™ put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Carp™ solves all his problems with Violence.
-Carp™ can strangle you with a cordless phone.
-When Carp™ was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Carp™!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
-The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Carp™ and forgot to pay him back.
-If you ask Carp™ what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he chokes you out with a flying triangle.
-Circles exist because Carp™ beat the crap out of some squares.
-Carp™ doesn't teabag women... He armbars them.
-In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Carp™, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
-Carp™ has two speeds: walk and kill.
-Carp™ can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-Carp™ is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-When Carp™ deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
-The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Carp™ punched himself in the face.
-Carp™ sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Carp™ tapped out the devil with a no-arm darce and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. The devil now takes jiu-jitsu lessons from Carp™ every Wednesday.
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Carp™tatorship.
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Carp™ and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-Carp™ once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
