Raisin

9:14 AM, EST Pardon me for that sudden outburst. Perhaps if you could see me you’d understand. Allow me to explain. This morning while I was brushing my teeth, I noticed something new about myself. Something, different. Something unexpected and uninvited. It seems that I’ve grown a mustache overnight. I understand this is normal for the male of the species. But for the female of the species, it’s not only abnormal, it’s also unhealthy and can lead to nausea, vomiting, and fainting spells if patient looks directly into reflection without the aid of a blindfold or some kind of shield. 11:16 A M I know I’m supposed to be all excited about my period and my hairy legs and arm pits and whiteheads and blackheads and oinky piggy noises that come out of my nose when I’m kissing a boy because it’s all beautiful and it means I’m becoming a woman, but now that the tides have turned, do I have to be all excited and moved about becoming A MAN???????!!!!!!!!!!