Malka profile picture

Malka

Love Isn't Blind, It's Crippled and Retarded

About Me

Getting to know me too well may cause mental instability and retard your personal growth, but go ahead and check me out anyhow. I never stop people from putting their hands on a hot stove.

My Interests

I love reading books, walking in the woods with my dog, writing evil blogs, bleeding in public, suspending infants from the ceiling with chains, and having large crayons shoved up my ass.

I'd like to meet:

an extraordinarily wealthy relative.

Music:

old Metallica, She Wants Revenge, Giant Sand, Cop Shoot Cop, Pitch Shifter, Brian Eno, Alice In Chains, Tool, Babes In Toyland, Slayer, Radiohead, Portishead, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, The Jesus Lizards, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Audioslave, Interpol, The Pixies, Missy Elliot, Korn, Joy Division, Foetus, The Cure, Deftones, Butthole Surfers, Talking Heads, Ministry, Primus, System of a Down, Perfect Circle, Outkast, Cabaret Voltaire, Garbage, Reverend Horton Heat, My Morning Jacket, Dave Matthews Band, Marilyn Manson, Sepultura, Cheap Trick, Jeff Buckley, White/Rob Zombie, The Smiths, Big Black, Ozzy, Sonic Youth, Melvins...

Movies:

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Natural Born Killers, and Dangerous Liasons are the only type of love story I can tolerate, because of the emotional and physical devastation. I also like any disaster movie with a high casualty rate. The Royal Tennanbaums is great, but that's because I like to watch serious dysfunction resolve itself with a happy ending.

Television:

"The Venture Brothers" and "Beavis and Butthead".

Books:

19th century literature, Philip Roth, Tom Wolfe, various nonfiction. Everything. My favorite book is To Kill A Mockingbird. You haven't lived until you've killed a mockingbird with your bare hands.

Heroes:

Heroism is dead.

My Blog

Get His Attention

It is said, usually in a wry and world-weary tone by men, that marriage is a good way to kill a sex life. I say it happens a lot sooner than that. Once you've agreed to be faithful to him, once you've...
Posted by Malka on Tue, 08 May 2007 07:35:00 PST

Revenge

Sometimes revenge is an impersonal thing. Consider all of the malicious bugs that make anti-virus and firewall software an indispensible component of modern computing, bringing to mind those droopy, f...
Posted by Malka on Fri, 04 May 2007 07:14:00 PST

Pants On Fire

I had once been asked whether I thought that love could ever die. Figuring that my past experience was as good as any to create my own theory, I replied that yes, love can die, or rather, it can be ki...
Posted by Malka on Sat, 28 Apr 2007 05:01:00 PST

Don Imus Was Only Following Your Example

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18072804/So, Don Imus was disgraced and fired from his position as CBS broadcaster for calling a rough appearing team of women basketball players "nappy-headed hos", a spea...
Posted by Malka on Sun, 15 Apr 2007 07:59:00 PST

19th Century English Gangsta Hood

     One bucolic and delightfully serene summer's day, having retired from the full London season to their luxurious estate, Edward and Emily strolled under the stern gaze of sever...
Posted by Malka on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 08:49:00 PST

Knee-Jerk Biology

I'm fairly fucking weary of reading today's apologias for stupid, inconsiderate, or unhealthy behaviors based on a specious argument of The Biological Imperative. Having constructed a perpetually evol...
Posted by Malka on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:48:00 PST

In Defense of Britney Spears

OK, guys, we get it. She had a disturbing moment, she went nuts, shaved her fucking head. At least she had a human moment, an identifiable response to unbearable stress. I can understand that. Did Ju...
Posted by Malka on Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:12:00 PST

I Don't Owe You Shit

Despite what you might think, I  don't owe you.   I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you for the time you wasted on me. I don't owe you money, I don't owe you labor, I don't o...
Posted by Malka on Sun, 04 Mar 2007 01:54:00 PST

Spacedogs

How is it that humans came to shelter and care for animals who blithely impart a hairy texture and a stench of toasted worms to our living space? We dog lovers, oblivious to drool stalactites oozing f...
Posted by Malka on Thu, 01 Mar 2007 09:27:00 PST

Dont Put That In Your Mouth!

Liver: I remember the first time my mom ever cooked that shit for us kids. The stench saturated every gasping air molecule in the entire house, and I was amazed that someone had finally discovered a w...
Posted by Malka on Sat, 27 Jan 2007 12:22:00 PST