About Me
Rich Fulcher is the great great, great grandson of Jethro Fulcher, famous gambler and sports instructor for the Royal Court of King George. In 1776, Fulcher was banished from England for failing to pay his cribbage debts and headed for America to spread badminton throughout the New World. Fulcher died three years later when he was shot in a duel after exposing himself to General Lafayette's nephew.In 1804, Jethro's son, a tracker named Bruno, was instrumental in aiding Lewis and Clark during their historic expedition by making love to a terrifying bear who raided the camp. Lewis and Clark escaped but Bruno was presumed dead, until a hairy offspring named Garson appeared in the vicinity twenty years later, claiming to be Bruno's son.Garson Fulcher became known by locals as Grizzly the Bear-Faced Human, and years later was discovered by P.T. Barnum, who toured Garson around the world to astounded audiences everywhere. He was later put to sleep after eating Tom Thumb. Garson was survived by his wife, Beardy Bernice and son Clayton Fulcher, who served as a Major in the Confederate Army under General “Big Balls†Johnston.After the Civil War, Major Fulcher eeked out a living in New Orleans as a curator for the Big Balls Wax Museum and Fish Emporium. He sired six children with various prostitutes throughout the Gulf of Mexico. The sixth child, Francis, became the shining paragon of the Fulcher clan, by graduating summa cum laude from the Tulane Medical School and becoming a medical doctor specializing in rare venereal diseases.In 1921, whilst lecturing in London on Your Father is not Insane, He Just has Syphilis, Dr. Francis frequented the Ten Bells pub in London's east end, where he encountered a ruffian named Ken Wormwood. Wormwood, hallucinating from absinthe, killed the doctor over an argument about wooden tablets.Left fatherless, Francis's son Wilbur became a petty criminal and joined the Army Air Corps in World War II, but was court-martialed six months later when he used one of the B-47s as a flying brothel. He spent his remaining years in Georgia,, where he fathered 112 children well into his nineties. He cast most of his family in the '70s film Deliverance.Richard (aka Rich), the 85th child, grew up under the belief that most of his brothers and sisters were family friends. He became emotionally distraught when he found out that many of his former girlfriends were actually his sisters and left Georgia for Washington, D.C.Trying to erase his sordid past, Rich joined the Secret Service but was soon banished from the organization after introducing Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky and actually told her that “I won't watch if you want to give him a B.J.†Destitute and homeless, Rich was ushered out of the country during the impeachment hearings, and secreted to London.Whilst drinking in the Ten Bells pub in Spitalfields, Rich naively began talking to a local prostitute named “Rohipnol Ritaâ€. Matt Berry noticed the American being taken advantage of and intervened just as the prostitute was about to take his trousers. The two became compatriots and the rest as they say, is...
