The Fat Jew profile picture

The Fat Jew

Filthy and gorgeous.

About Me


7 am- Wake up confused, disoriented, alone, and nude. Proceed to fall asleep in shower 10:01 am- wake up in a suit bought in London that's much too small, and i haven't ever been to London. 11 am- drink whiskey out of the flesh of a gazelle. 12:35 pm- wonder if tight jeans are cutting off circulation to brain 2:10- weep openly in front of housekeeper. 3 pm- Get nails airbrushed. Buy new door knocker earrings with the name "Mario" in script in the middle. 11 pm- Put on white Gitano jeans; chain-smoke 10 pm- call girl i made out with in 10th grade, ask her if she is as lonely as me, she declines to comment, i tell her i am masturbating furiously. 2 am- get blindly drunk at local bar and alienate middle class workers by tucking penis between legs and pretending to be a domestic woman, but they see through my ruse. Leave before inevitable beating. 3 am- Fall asleep in pile of trash.I have nice shoulders and biceps and I shave all my body hair. I'm interested in things. I truly believe that I am a sassy 16 year-old black girl named Tisha who loves lip gloss trapped in the body of a fat Jewish man.
Limited Edition t-shirt for sale now! 20$ for the sauciest shirt of all time. It's so hot you'll have to wear oven mitts to put it on. Available in sizes Small-XXL.
"Sexual Perversions"
..
"Lotion in the Basket"
..
They discussed my hair on television during the Met game

My Interests

Loofahs. not giving a fuck. manicures. pedicures. eating brunch in the bathtub. drug buffets. honey mustard. riding horses naked. salmon-colored turtlenecks. Asian men with small hands and long flowing hair. baking quiche. Tony Danza's calves. being charming. Doing it big like Ricki Lake's thighs in '94. frenzied behavior. loincloths. Jewish girls from Long Island. shrimp in baskets. depression. cheap champagne. penny loafers. Tom Selleck's moustache. mango scones. buying homeless men things on ebay. watching drunk white girls at bars sing "Juicy" by Biggie. Peeing in pools. fancy in the pantry. doing the damn thing. drug buffets. teenage vampires. slicing cold cuts shirtless. spider man pajamas with feet. goon squad hooligans. getting my hair did. transvestites. eye contact. onion bagels. getting dusted. movies on VHS. public access television. the gutter. flat-tops. loofahs. eye contact. Crown heights. double-dutch jump roping. Filipinos. tangerine bathrobes. reading the Post. shitty rap music. wearing colonial powdered wigs. meeting up with people to talk. pinky rings.bodacious babes. starched collars. shitty rap music. men who weep. exciting activities. tasteful floral arrangements. doing it and doing it and doing it well. The episode of 90210 featuring Color me Badd. Paintings of me naked and covered in doves, fighting a cougar with my penis shaped like a lightning bolt. white denim. black denim. inappropriately mixing denims. warm scotch. Dolly Parton. argyle everything. being famous in Japan. girls with big sunglasses. Nine West gator pumps in banana yellow. light treason. escaping to Mexico. ice cream sandwiches. kissing cousins. a beauty queen with an M16. vomiting out of taxi windows. Jason Priestley in denim button-down shirts. being too weird to live and too rare to die. People who use the word "asshole a lot, as in "Ted from accounting is a real asshole"
F Flirtatious
A Appreciative
T Tempting

J Judicial
E Explosive
W Wonderful
Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

I'd like to meet:

..

WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM

Music:

WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM

Movies:

BAD LIEUTENANT. MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME.

Television:

DeGrassi. College Hill. Sandy Kane. Discovery Home & Living. Designing Women. Charlie Rose. 90210 season 3 is epic.

Books:

The New York Post Blotter. 100 Years of Solitude. 740 Park: The World's Richest Apartment Building.

Heroes:


R-Vin is a god.

GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE THIS, GET AT ME!

My Blog

WWW.TEAMFACELIFT.COM

www.teamfacelift.com THE GREATEST WEB SITE FOR THE GREATEST RAP GROUP, EVER.
Posted by The Fat Jew on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST