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Principally i would like to meet all kinds of people. In reality i would like to meet interesting people. Are you interesting?
And i guess this is the part where i advertise for eligible bachelors or bachelorettes (i'm heteroflexible)to get to know better
If you think you might have what it takes? Then please don't be shy. Just fill in this application form and send it to me. Hell, if i get enough i'll even start pairing other people up.
The application form is written in a "hetero-sexual way" I tried making a version where i was paying respect to homosexuals, but it just got too extensive. If you for some reason or other cannot identify with conform male/female identities, please just leave a small remark or two.
Application form:
Ok, let's start with the formal introductions.
Name:______________________
Age:____years
Height:_______cm
Weight:_____kg
IQ:_____ points on official european scale (spread of 15)
Occupation:_______________
Religion:__________________
Sexual orientation:________________
Where do you live:________________
How would you describe you cultural inheritance / national identy?
__A pool of anglo-saxon puke in which you can still see pieces of german bockwurst garnished with french mustard.
__A great tale of glory and fall, struggle and conquest, of woe and woo, fine arts and grand architecture. And one day the world will recognize that!
__We are the champions.
__Something unique, spiritual and exotic.
__Always the victims, but God's on our side.
__It involved boats, a lot of travelling and possibly even new names.
__Well eh... What was the question again?
How many languages do you speak? ______languages
Which ones? :_____________________________
Number of times you've seen/spoken to your mother within the last month: ___ times.
Do you live with your mother? __yes __no
Do you live with your father? __yes __no
When did you leave you home? At age ___ __I haven't left.
Number of close friends: ___
Favourite restaurant: ____________________________
Favourite café: ________________________________
Favourite bar/night-club: ____________________________
How many minutes do you spend getting ready for a night out: __5-10 __11-15 __16-25 __25+
Ok, i hope that didn't hurt you too much, because now i'll get a bit more personal. I want to hear about your history of relationships and attitude towards dating.
Number of failed relationships:____
Number of children: ____
Number of mothers/fathers to these children: ___
How do you feel about children? :_________________________________
Last time you said: "I'm sorry":
__I actually meant it
__I was avoiding confrontation
__I don't ever say i'm sorry!
__What does "i'm sorry" mean?
__I enjoyed it
Men: Who would you rather date?
Women: Who do you identify the most with?
__Mae West
__Marilyn Monroe
__Susan Sarandon
__Wonderwoman
__Sigourney Weaver
__Valerie Solanas
__Lucille Ball
__Dianna Galke
__Courtney Love
__Leni Riefenstahl
__Dyanne Thorne
__Marie Curie
__Yoko Ono
__Audrey Horne
Why?:_____________________________________
Women: Who would you rather date?
Men: Who do you identify the most with?
__Groucho Marx
__Johnny Depp
__Klaus Kinski
__Father Ralph de Bricassart
__Albert Rosenfield
__Wolverine
__Andy Warhol
__Indiana Jones
__Rocco Siffredi
__Charles Bukowski
__Eddie Izzard
__Humphrey Bogart
__Udo Kier
__Leonard Cohen
Why?:_____________________________________
Who of the above mentioned people would you rather divorce? :___________ Why?:___________________
Who of the above mentioned people would you rather not divorce?:____________ Why?:__________________
Thank you, that was very usefull information.
And now to what we've all been waiting for; Let's get down and dirty.
How many times a week do you bathe/shower? ____ times
Honestly, do you always wash your hands after bathroom visits? __yes __no
How many times a week would you ideally have sex?:
__1-2 times __3-4 times __5-7 times __7+ __I prefer keeping it platonic.
Specific sexual interests? As many X's as you wish:
__BD/sSM (__B __D __s __S __M __switch __huh? __No way!)
__Fetish ( enlighten me, please: ________________)
__Urine and/or other bodily fluids
__Threesomes/gangbangs/swinging
__Roleplay
__Anal
__Vanilla
__Wednesday night. Lights out.
__Oddeties (Vore, trampling, feeding, cannibalism, amputees, tupperware etc. ) :___________________
Don't you just love the internet? __yes __no
__Hold me i'm scared
__Other: _________________________
__I'm asexual
What's your attitude towards bodymodifications? :____________________________
Oh dear, you are making me blush...
Now some random random questions
Which of the following situations are you most likely repeatedly to find yourself in?
__Waking up in the middle of nowhere asking strangers how i got here and how to get home.
__Inventing exciting new dishes from the following ingredients: Soy, green food-dye, worchestersauce, onion, sprinkles and canned tuna.
__Making my own art-book consisting of collages with pictures/photos of people who look like Jack Kerouac
__Bluffing my way into a hip bar/disco under the pretence og being a journalist/under-cover agent/ member of Depeche Mode or Spice Girls/the Lindbergh baby
__Wanking or practice my poses in front of my full-size mirror
__Being bored
__In my secret underground lair punishing my minions for fucking up yet another almost fool-proof plan to take over the world.
__Disinfecting all surfaces of my home.
__At the local cemetery leaning my back against a lavish tombstone while reading Milton/Dante/Blake.
__Making a tribute-film to Bill Waterson using crayons, cardboard boxes, my entire collection of actionsfigures and stop-motion.
Please describe, in short, what an argument is to you:____________________________
Please describe, in short, what a fight is to you:_______________________________
Does man have a free will? __yes __no
Does woman have a free will? __yes __no
All men are rapists? __yes __no
All women are prostitutes? __yes __no
What's the difference between pain and suffering?:___________________________________
Which is more appealing to you? (one X in each line)
__Cocktails __Beer
__Chocolate __Chips/Crisps
__Coffee __Tea
__Pissing __Pissed
__Doggystyle __Missionary
__Dr. Who __Dr. No
__Book __Magazine
__Corset __Stillettoes
__Sweet __Cool
__Funny __Thoughtfull
__Boardgames __Mindgames
__Buttocks __Breasts
__Avril Lavigne __Pink
__Dog __Cat
__Go down __Blow up
__Sushi __Thaifood
__International rules __Australian rules
__Billard/Snooker/Pool __Boxing
__Anorectic __Obese
__Hentai/Manga __Marvel
__Stephen King __Franz Kafka
__Mickey Mouse __Donald Duck
__Seductive __Seduced
__No balls __No bollocks
__Drunk __Stoned
__Garters __Stay-ups
__Belt __Suspenders
__Terminator __Rambo
__Dr. Phil __Oprah
__Whiskey __G&T
__Batman __Superman
__Mary Poppins __Maria von Trapp
__Rock'n'roll __Disco
__Classic __Jazz
__Analogue __Dialogue
__Slimfits __Baggy pants
__G-string __Hipsters
__Hollywood __Bollywood __Dollywood
__Subtitles __Dubbed
__Cash __Presley
__Hunting __Haunted
__Neo __Post
__Give up __Get stubborn
__Easy __Hard to get
__Redwine __Whitewine
__Oyster __Lobster
__Champagne __Bubbles
__Abstract __Concrete
Thank you. I'll be in touch.
Best regards.
Ea-M.
I would also like to thank Lily Morgenstern and ShockingVenus at the blackmarket.dk community for providing me with inspiration. They made a long nightshift so much more fun.
I enjoy a broad spectre of music; From a catchy little pop-tune to noisy drones.
Some music i listen to because it makes me smile or even laugh, because it's so obviously ridiculous in either musical or lyrical expression, other because i find it intriguing, interesting, beautiful or because i have nostalgic bond to the tune.
I could be namedropping. But i actually find it more honest just to let you see what i'm listening to. Of course i haven't got all my music on the computer, and then there's all the tracks the player can't recognize and i'm too lazy to type in the data.
Whatever. I often listen to a random shuffle, since i have a hard time making choices. Otherwise i will sit around for hours listening to the first 2 mintes of a tune, then on to the next.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
I don't have a tv. I use the computer for watching dvds. I do watch random stuff o tv when i'm at work though, but that's mainly stupid entertainment and cheap porn from the local tv-station. Nothing i can't live without.
I mainly read fiction. Too much reality and too many facts to relate to in everyday life. Again i could make an endless list of books i've read, that made a great impact on my life, but noone would bother to read the list anyways. So i'll just put in the last months of reading and build up from here. I read and have read a lot of crap, and i have read and do read a lot of great books. If you want to know what i think of a particular book, please, feel free to ask.Recently read/reread (in no particular order or prefference):
My mum. She's a generous a giving humanbeing. She cares alot. She is capable of so much warmth and heart i sometimes wonder if she's human. She cares about you as well as me (more about me than you actually)When i was younger i misunderstood her kindness as weakness, but she simply believes in the things she does and think. And she always do it with worth and integrety.