cap'n slap-n-tap

Lefty on a right handed bass!
I'm retarded, I have Drunken Tourette's syndrome, a small wrinkled weiner and one hairy ball!!! I like to sit in dark corners, rocking back and forth and punching myself in the crotch until I fall asleep. I find it eerily soothing :(
Now that you understand and accept that, please read furthur.
I barely figured out how to record a song, I don't know to cut or edit or find a loving woman to support me. When I'm not playing my bass I like to mastubate to with large grain sandpaper. I don't know why. I smell horrible and have thrown personal hygeine to the wayside. It does not benefit me in any way. Small children scream in horror at the mere sight of my mis-shapen head and grotesque excuse for a face. I like animals but they do not like me, my cat shits in my mouth when I sleep. Dogs piss on my leg. The government does not recognize my form of disablilty, " Drunken Tourette's is not a real disease" they say, "I say mother fuck that ass load of political bullshit!"
But I digress, I've never intentially killed anybody and I just want a gigantic never ending supply of french fries to stuff in my pie-hole and somebody to share it with :(
Feel free to post whatever the fuck you want on my comments page, use it to advertise your shows, I don't care. I don't care who adds me, you don't have to message me first. I usually do not message anyone first, it's stupid.
In case you haven't noticed, I have a very twisted sense of humor. I am not easily offended. If you are, you are on the wrong page. That is the closest thing you will get for a warning and an apology.
And finally, Cap'n Slap-n-tap does not play shows, nobody wants to see one guy with his bass and a drum machine. There will be no shows, there will be no tour, there are no shirts or stickers, there is no forthcoming CD. I lack the intellegence and the desire to make such things happen. I do it for the retarded kids!