Kyle Fritz the Manatee

Once upon a time there was a girl named Sara. She loved to play with manatee’s. Her favorite manatee’s name was Kyle Fritz. One day Kyle Fritz the Manatee was really wasted, and he met another manatee named Lindsay. He asked her if she wanted to go fool around in his car. She enthusiastically agreed. Before they were finished, Kyle Fritz the Manatee sensed danger afoot. “Oh my heavens” he said, Marissa from the O.C. has just died in a tragic car accident. “Wait!” Kyle Fritz the Manatee exclaimed “who cares, Sara is drowning!” He sent Capitan Oats out to find Marissa’s body as he left Lindsay, and her ‘oh so tired hand’, in the car alone, and swam to Sara’s rescue. Of course everyone knows that when Kyle Fritz the Manatee swims in the ocean, he does not get wet, the ocean gets Kyle Fritz the Manatee. After hours of CPR, Sara finally came to. “MY HERO!”. Sara said, as the balloon folk celebrated for their balloons were finally the perfect size, not to big and not to small. Just as everyone was about to live happily ever after, Jaws music started playing! It was Justin the Shark!! And he was ‘oh so famished’. His first order of business, he popped all of the balloon folks balloons and proceeded to eat them with the rest of the world, including King Triton. The only survivors were Kyle Fritz the Manatee and Sara, who had hidden in Kyle Fritz the Manatee’s car. After the whole Justin the Shark apocalypse ordeal, Sara and Kyle Fritz the Manatee realized that they had to procreate, in order to save life on Earth. Sara gave birth to dozens of Manatee-human hybrid children. They were all Mexican and named Kyle Fritz the Manatee Jr. When all of a sudden the trunk of the car sprung open and out popped Lindsay! “THANK GOD FOR OXYGEN!” she shouted. She looked around, at Sara and Kyle Fritz the Manatee, and their Mexican children and exclaimed “ What’s going on here?” Suddenly a light bulb went off in her brain, and she pulled a hatchet out of Kyle Fritz the Manatee’s trunk and pounced at Sara with it. “I am going to kill you for stealing my Kyle Fritz the Manatee if it’s the last thing I do!!” said Lindsay. Just as Lindsay pinned down Sara and was standing over her with the hatchet about to strike a blow to her head, Patrick James Case the Emaciated Seahorse swam by. He told Lindsay to stop being so absurd. She replied by telling him to go have sex with the Pope. Not knowing she was only joking, he went on his merry way. Meanwhile at the Vatican, ACB(anti-catholic boy) was hidden in the Pope’s bathroom with a bomb strapped to his chest. Suddenly his pager went off. There’s a catholic shark eating everyone? “DAMN CATHOLICS!” said ACB, as he put on his scuba gear and flushed himself down the Pope’s toilet, and into the ocean, where he harpooned Justin the Shark in the gills. Now that the Pope’s life was no longer in danger, he could have the best sex in history with Patrick James Case the Emaciated Seahorse. Back in the ocean, Lindsay was still trying to kill Sara with the hatchet when along came another distraction. It was Caitlin kohl the mermaid, clarinet in hand. “OUT OF MY WAY I’M LATE FOR BAND PRACTICE!” she said angrily and bludgeoned Lindsay in the head with her clarinet, ultimately knocking her unconscious and saving Sara from the very well known wrath of Lindsay. “GO DRINK BLEACH” Caitlin screamed, and continued on her way. “What’s that on the horizon?” Sara asked. “Its about the size of a nuclear submarine” said Kyle Fritz the Manatee. But it wasn’t a nuclear submarine, it was Mr.Greth’s enormous ass. It appeared that Johnny Depp, as always, was manning the controls, and what a good job he was doing. “EWWWW” said Sara and attempting to shield her eyes and the eyes of all her Manatee-human hybrid Mexican children. ACB heard the cries of pain and anguish at the sight of Mr.Greth’s gynormous hinny. He swam over to see if everyone was okay. When he arrived he saw Kyle Fritz the Manatee drinking vodka and holding a rosary. He swam at him with the harpoon, still covered in Justin the sharks blood. Thankfully Johnny Depp leapt from his perch atop Mr. Greth’s ass just in time to save Kyle Fritz the Manatee from ACB’s harpoon. Johnny Depp held his sword to ACB’s throat and ordered him to give Mr. Greth’s gigantic booty a big smooch and then leave. He ran away, back towards Vatican city where Patrick James Case the Emaciated Seahorse had just arrived and he and the Pope were about to make sweet, sweet whoopee. Johnny Depp jumped back atop Mr.Greth’s huge ass and they swam into the deep blue sea together. As they were leaving all of the Kyle Fritz the Manatee’s Jr’s said a loud thank you, all in unison. “All in a day’s work my friends” replied Johnny. The Fritz family waved goodbye and wished them the best of luck on their quest to find Camelot. ..