Kell

I'd like to meet:

The guy whose idea it was to turn my elementary school cafeteria into a chinese restaurant, so I could express my displeasure, any member of the All-Alien NBA team, i.e. Sam Cassell, Charlie Villenueva, etc., Fred Russell, Terry Pendeleton and Gary Templeton, Larry the Cable Guy in a knife fight, any member of Fall Out Boy in a Mississippi strangling contest, Jared Baker, seconds before he conceived the ARC, so I would be able to say I have seen real genius at work, Bill Shakespeare, Carl Weathers(only if we were on the set of Action Jackson), Marv Albert, before he bit that lady, I don't want to meet Robin Ventura, but I would like for him to write me a detailed letter on his experience of being pummeled by Nolan Ryan, The owner of Mr. Gatti's, before he sold out, anyone who has taken part in a double nogginknocker, been struck in the solarplexes, or the breadbasket, Cecil Espy, Dalton Hilliard, Adam Keefe, Mary Lou Retton, anyone who can match the raw strength and technical greatness, of one Ken Patera, Ken Patera when he was six, so I could tell him of the life of awesomeness that awaited him, Ken Patera at age 12, same reason as before, Ken Patera age 18, so I could take credit for him using steroids, Ken Patera age 35, so I could tell him not to change his hair color from platinum blonde, Ken Patera age 2000, so I could ask him what it is like to live forever, Chuck Norris and Mr. T at the same time, anyone who puts the (insert letter) in the (insert word), Miss Spam 1998, anyone named Lou Diamond, except Lou Diamond Phillips, Rachel McAdams, rabblerousers, hooligans, Orangejello and Lemonjello, Meagan Fox, the lead singer of the Crash Test Dummies, C. Everett Koop, Vai Sikehema, the guy who punched me in the face on my 22nd birthday, anyone who invests in Haunt, the astronaut who wore an adult diaper so she wouldn't have to get out of the car, the proprietor of the Po Folks restaurant chain, Brooke Burke, King Kong Bundy, stereotypical people, Lindsay Clubine, Nuno Betancourt, survivors of the haunt challenge, Wilford Brimley, poets, scholars, Paul Hogan, the guy who stabbed the host of "Cheaters", hippies, townies, pseudo-intellectuals, the One Man Gang, Stephen Hawking, the cast of "What's Happening!", the creator of "Press Your Luck", Kamala, the actor who played Harry in "Harry and the Hendersons", Evangeline Lilly, I'd like to give the toast at Francisco Cabrera's wedding for providing one of the greatest memories of my childhood, anyone who achieved Weeblo status, Al Toon