I'm soft and squishy. People like me, but sometimes I feel hollow. People will use me and not even think twice about it. I can't remember the last time someone said "Hey thanks a lot, toilet paper. You really cleaned my ass. I'm so grateful I didn't have to use my hand."
Ok, ok. I shouldn't complain. Its my niche. My calling. My lot in life.... Whatever??! Its still a shitty job.
Just think though, were would be without me?
According to this website , here is a list of things people used before I came into the world
Early US: Newsprint, paper catalogue pagesMiddle Ages: Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy
Viking Age, England: Discarded sheep's wool
Spain and Portugal: Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews
Medieval Europe: Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick
United States: Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog, mussel shell, newspaper, leaves, sand (ouch!!!)
India: Water and your left hand
British Lords: Pages from a book
Hawaii: Coconut shells (wait... let that soak in)
French Royalty: Lace (pompous assholes!), hemp
Ancient Rome: A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick in Public Restrooms
The Wealthy in Ancient Rome: Wool and rosewater
The Elite Citizens of the World: Hemp & wool
Internationally: Defecating in the river was very common
France: Bidet
Eskimos: Snow and Tundra Moss (with a block of ice, how thorough can you be before you say "fuck that. I'm cold")