I would guess that maybe only 5% of the people viewing this page will stop and read what I have to say. The rest of you will see the pictures, and send a short note saying something truly brilliant like "sup" or "holla." Although I want to be fair and respond to all notes, its somewhat difficult to reply with any type of depth or intelligence to notes like that. But if all I say back to you, is what you originally sent me, the notes eventually will fade into nothingness. Oh well, such is life... right?
On my BP page, Provocative069 , I mentioned that I had a theory about the people we meet in our lives. I feel that the type of people you meet in your life serve as a compass for where you..re headed in life. For example, if the people you are meeting have lives that are in terrible shape, then you're headed in the wrong direction. But on that same note, if the people you meet have lives that are turning in the right direction, and their future is brighter than their present, then you are surely on the right track. So with that in mind - you will meet the person you were truly meant to be with ONLY when you have reached your peak! This is the same reason you seem to attract people whose lives are so similar to your own. If you feel good about who you are, and where you are in your life, there is no doubt you will attract positive people...but if you are unhappy and really down on yourself......you will attract those who are insecure and in need of reassurance. There is a time and place for everything and everyone...and I truly believe that how you feel about yourself has a lot to do with your "time" and your peak.
As much as I believe all of the above information I also know this. I can never expect anyone to love me if I dont even like myself. I have spent my entire life struggling with my weight, fighting for acceptance, and just trying to fit in! I feel that I am different from most people because I was never handed anything on a silver platter (including acceptance) and this set me apart from my peers. You see, a person who is physically beautiful their whole life....never has to try for anything...they are automatically accepted and people (men) will trip over their tongues just to be near them. I didn't have that option....so for me to be noticed and accepted I actually had to develop a personality....I had to do something better than anyone else so I would be noticed. I had to build character, strength, confidence, charisma and most of all, understanding. I think this is why I have so little patience for anyone superficial, anything artificial, and all ignorance in general. I have always sought that same quality in the people I chose to surround myself with. I was never a cheerleader, I was never a prom queen, and I never dated the captain of the football team. In fact, I dont think I really knew who I was until after I had graduated from high school. I dont care what anyone tells you, but those ARE NOT the best years of your life!
Every experience I have had in my life thus far has only contributed to the "whole" of who I am now. I am far from perfect and I know better than to seek perfection, I have a good understanding of people and human nature, I feel as though I have excellent intuition when it comes down to the heart of a man. But for some reason I just cant seem to accept me. I see myself as a person with ALL this potential. And I have tried everything you can imagine to get to that point. Im almost 32 now, still never married, and I know now what I need to do.
Until you've lived a day in my life, you'll never understand. There is nothing I could say or even show you that could give you the slightest hint of what's it been like to be me. I am not insecure, and I dont lack confidence. I know that whatever is meant for me will never miss me and what is not meant for me will ever come near me. And that..is all I really know...
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