I'm an attorney at a well known Boston law firm, Crane, Poole, and Schmidt. I seem to never be politically correct and am never sure when I've crossed the line until I've done so. I've built up quite a reputation in the legal community and am quite happy to say that my name never seems to be mentioned without a torent of obsenities following it. I am single at the moment but am most certainly up for online relationships. Even if the women I date aren't easy, I am. Just thought you'd like to know. I must warn you that it wouldn't be wise to know me too well; you wouldn't like the mess inside my head. However, I am happy to befreind anyone who deem a friend request appropriate. The only request I have is to not disturb me when I'm on a date or enjoying the quiet joy of a friendship with Denny on the balcony...START BZOINK.COM SURVEY CODE
A 200 Question Fun Survey 4 Myspace (All The Bzoink Surveys Put Together)
Full Name:: Mr. Alan Shore
Birthday:: 2/7/60
Birthplace:: Boston, MA.
Eye Color:: bluish-greenish, I suppose
Hair Color:: brown
Height:: 5-10
Weight:: I lift weights and do some calisthenics
Right handed or Left handed?: right handed
Your Heritage:: American
My Worst Habit:: Ethical behavior always escaping me
Zodiac Sign:: I have no idea!
Shoe Size:: Whatever's comfortable
Pants Size:: I do love being measured for pants
Innie or Outie?: That's private
Parents Still Together?: I'm afraid they've passed away quite some time ago
The Shoes You Wore Today:: Loafers
Your Weakness:: Sex and attractive women
Your Fears:: Clowns and being alone
Your Perfect Pizza:: On top of a woman
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:: Sleep with Shirley
Your Most Overused Phrase On An Instant Messenger: Intercourse
Thoughts First Waking Up:: Tara
Your Best Physical Feature:: I keep an extremely clean penis
Your Bedtime:: Whenever Denny leaves the balcony
Your Most Missed Memory:: My mother fitting me for pants
MY FAVORITES
Favorite color?: Red
Food?: Steak with Denny as company at a fancy restaurant
Sport?: football, but I rarely have time to watch sports
Animal?: Trout
Ice Cream?: Chocolate
Candy?: Payday
Store?: Joseph A. Banks
Salad Dressing?: Something not too strong, but not too weak.
Actor?: James Spader
Song?: Sexyback, by Justin Timberlake
Letter?: What is the point of this question exactly?
Number?: I don't know. What's yours?
Gum?: I don't chew gum
Holiday?: Halloween when Denny and me dress up as flamingoes
Season?: Winter I suppose
Toothpaste Flavor?: Anything minty
Radio Station?: Anything that plays soothing classical music late at night
Perfume?: Spirit: by Antonio Banderas
Scent besides perfume?: The natural scent of Tara upon first waking up
Body part on the opposite sex?: Sex isn't all body parts for me... it's mental.
FRIENDS AND LIFE
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?: Well, I'm an attorney at the moment.
How Do You Want To Die?: Old, smoking a cigar and enjoying a brandy with Denny
Turn ons:: Sex, attractive women, tara, unethical behavior
Turn offs:: Jeffrey Coho, Bradley Chase, Paul Lewiston, people who hate the poor
Which One Of Your Friends Acts The Most Like You?: Denny
Who's The Loudest?: That would be Sally
Who Makes You Laugh The Most?: Denny
Who Have You Known The Longest?: Tara, but it really slips my mind at the moment
Who's The Shyist?: Jerry Espensen
When Have You Cried The Most?: When Tara left me
What Is The Best Feeling In The World?: I've been told it's sex. Am I correct on this?
Worst Feeling?: Being alone
Where Do You Want To Live When You Grow Up?: On Nimmo Bay
If You Could Change One Thing About You What Would It Be?: My unethical behavior hurting those who I love and cherish
How Long Do You Think You'll Live?: I have no idea. I've always believed that homicide is what God has planned for me.
FINISH EACH SENTENCE
Let's walk on the: balcony overlooking Nimmo Bay
Let's look at the: fish swimming about in Nimmo Bay
What a nice: tight ass you have!
Where did all the: salmon in Nimm Bay get to?
Why can't we: have intercourse right here on my desk
Silly, little: Sally
Isn't it weird that: Denny can get away with anything and everything?
Never under any circumstance: trust Bernard Ferian
I wish: Tara would come back
Everyone has a: irrational fear
I am: Alan Shore
HAVE YOU EVER
Been In Love?: I have actually
Been To Juvie?: Not that I can recall
Mooned Someone?: Yes, once in lawschool. He had it coming to him
Been Rejected?: Oh, many times. But it never gets me down
Ran Away From Home?: A couple times
Pictured Your Crush Naked?: I picture nearly every woman I meet naked. I like to fantasize.
Skipped School?: Usually not
Thought About Suicide?: Doesn't everyone?
Slept Outside?: I sleep in a hotel room so that I can check out on a whim
Laughed So Hard You Cried?: I chuckle, smirk, and snicker, but never quite that hard
Cried In School?: I'm unemotional when I'm studying
Thrown Up In School?: Yes, once when I was nervous about a mock-trial
Wanted To Be a Model?: I happen to know that I could be if I wanted, but I chose to do more good as an attorney
Cheated On Someone?: Ah, those were the days
Done Something Really Stupid That You Still Laugh At Today?: I never laugh at my mistakes
Seen A Dead Body?: Yes. I'd prefer not to talk about it
Been Bitched Out?: I don't believe so, no
Drank Alcohol?: I drink scotch and brandy with Denny all the time
Smoked?: I smoke cigars with Denny all the time
Been On Drugs?: Some judges have accused me of this habbit
Eaten Sushi?: I have and it's not all that appetizing
Been On Stage?: I can't recall. I don't believe so
Gone Skinny Dipping?: You should really try it sometime. It's very unethical
Shoplifted?: Never. There's little need, seeing as how I'm rich
Been Drunk?: Not often
Been Called A Tease?: I'm always called this
Been Beaten Up?: Yes many times actually. Jeffrey would love nothing more, I have a feeling
DO YOU
Swear?: Rarely
Sing Well?: I've never tried
Shower Daily?: Of course
Want To Go To College?: Have already gone
Want To Get Married?: Someday, maybe. I don't like to be tied down though, figuratively speaking that is
Believe In Yourself?: Not really
Get Motion Sickness?: Never
Think You Are Attractive?: I like to think I make the ladies swoon
Get Along With Your Parents?: Not totally, no
Like Thunderstorms?: No. I like to sit on the balcony with Denny
Play An Instrument?: I took lessons back in the day, but seem to have forgotten all my talent
Own An IPOD?: Not as such, no
Pray?: I've never really known who or what I'm praying to
Go To Church?: Only when Denny drags me to it
Sleep With Stuffed Animals?: I sleep with women, but that's hardly counts
Keep A Journal/Diary?: I do actually. I rarely add to it though
Dance In The Rain?: Maybe in a future episode when Tara returns
Sing In The Shower?: Some of my favorite tunes, yes
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke?: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King?: Some place much more classy than those
Single or Group Dates?: Single dates
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries?: stawberries with whipcream...
Meat or Veggies?: Denny is watching so I'd better say meat
TV or Movie?: Movie
Guitar or Drums?: guitar
Adidas or Nike?: I don't wear sneakers
Chinese or Mexican?: Chinese
Cheerios or Corn Flakes?: Corn Flakes
Cake or Pie?: Pie with whipcream...
MTV or VH1?: I don't watch music videos. Denny sometimes does...
Blind or Deaf?: Preferably neither
Boxers or Briefs?: Boxers. They're much more roomy ans spacious
CAN YOU
Do The Splits?: I haven't been able to do that in years. Can you?
Write With Both Hands?: Terribly, yes
Whistle?: Barely
Blow A Bubble?: I don't chew gum
Roll Your Tongue In A Circle?: Ask Tara
Cross Your Eyes?: No
Walk With Your Toes Curled?: I've never tried
Touch Your Tongue to Your Nose?: Ask Tara
Dance?: Yes. Or so I've been told
Eat Whatever You Want And Not Worry?: I eat whatever is presented to me... I've very polite
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON
You Touched:: Shirley
You Talked To On The Phone:: Tara
You Instant Messaged:: Denny. He's learning the computer now
You Hugged:: Jerry Espensen
You Yelled At:: A client I believe
You Played A Sport With:: Denny
WHAT'S THE LAST
Time You Laughed?: With Denny on the balcony
Time You Cried?: When I got off the phone with Tara
Movie You Watched?: The Secretary
Flavor Of Gum You Chewed?: I don't chew gum. How many times do I have to repeat myself to you?
Joke You Told?: Something about a client to Denny
Song You've Sung?: The Boston Legal Theme Music
RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT
Where Are You?: at my desk at Crane, Poole, and Schmidt
What Can You See Out Your Window?: The city, automobiles, attractive women with plunging necklines
Are You Listening To Music?: Not at the moment. I'm supposed to be working
What Are You Wearing?: A suit and tie as always. Tonight it's quite a different matter...
What's On Your Mousepad?: A picture of Denny. It was a gift...
BELIEFS
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: I suppose. I haven't invested much though into it though
Do you believe in miracles?: Sometimes
Magic?: What kind?
Love at first sight?: Sex at first sight, yes. I'm not entirely convinced about love
God?: I'm not sure
Satan?: Certainly not
Ghosts?: Do they want to kill me too?
Santa?: I've grown rather attached to Santa
Evolution?: Only religious nuts and Denny don't believe in it
IN A BOY...
Fav Eye Color:: I'm rather fond of women and am not as fruity as I may appear. I like brown eyes
Fav Hair Color:: brunette
Short or Long Hair:: long, flowing hair that drapes across their breasts
Height:: I can work with women 3 feet and up
Weight:: Denny likes chubby sex. I prefer slender sex
Best Clothing Style:: Professional
RANDOM
What Country Would You Most Like To Visit?: France
Number Of CD's I Own:: I have no idea
Your Good Luck Charm:: Denny Crane!
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Quite a few actually
Do you drink milk?: Who doesn't? But most often a brandy
Person You Hate Most:: Paul Lewiston
Most Outdated Phrase:: Paul Lewiston stating "Crane, Poole, and Schmidt"
Do you think God has a gender?: I highly doubt it, but then again, I'm the last person you should ask about God
Where do you think we go when we die?: Hopefully and all girl cabaret in New Orleans
How many rings until you answer the phone?: 4 or 5
What is something scientists need to invent?: A cure for Alzheimer’s
Are you a health freak?: Certainly not. Though I am feeling my age at times
Are you a virgin?: When was I a virgin? I doubt I was ever one
If you could travel into space, where would you go?: To the Crane, Poole, and Schmidt offices on Mars.
What is the worst weather?: Rainy weather. It keeps Denny and me inside the office
Did you play with Barbies as a child?: I had a lot of fun undressing them, didn't you?
How many grades have you failed?: I was quite brilliant as a child, even if I was lonely
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