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Kevin

Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky,

About Me


I hate half-assed jokes. I was watching Pro Bull Riding earlier on NBC when the announcer stated that rider Jody Hamilton was about to attempt the bull "Willy Wonka." "Not sure yet whether it'll be a trip to the candy store or not," he quipped as the other announcer chuckled. What the %$&@! What "store?" The man owned a factory. That's all you have? A broad reference to candy? Why even bother? You had all night, you knew there was a bull named Wonka, right? It is your sport. How about "Not sure if Hamilton's got the golden ticket or not." Or "Let's find out if Hamilton's gobstopper can last eight seconds." Or after getting thrown, "Hamilton was a bad egg." C'mon dude, get in the god-damn-game.
I prefer impractical jokes to practical jokes... Like an enormous whoopee cushion that's far too large to hide or a hand-buzzer that delivers a gently soothing massage. Perhaps even a lapel flower that only squirts water from the Fountain of Youth. Stuff like that.
I really like the tattoo that boxer Diego "Chico" Corrales has on his chest. It reads: Pain for Love. I'm not sure whether it represents the "pain" and sacrifices he makes for the sport he "loves" or whether he means it more personally, as in his love for his wife... Either way though, I'm pretty sure I can use it to justify my hangovers.
I despise anyone who refers to their "art" or to being an "artist." The exception is, if you're actually a painter. I'm not saying you're not an artist otherwise, just that you sound ridiculous. Seriously

My Interests

Hanging out, drinking Maker's Mark, Netflix, the outdoors, checking out thrift stores, Taylor's Steakhouse, The Golden Gopher, The Chalet, Steve McQueen, barbecues, stand-up comedy, reading, boxing, MMA, anybody funny, shooting claybirds, the Catskill Mountains, eating Korean food, pools, watching Lee Marvin movies, concocting hypothetical competitions and imagining their potential outcomes, belt buckles, Peter David's "Mr Fixit" run on The Hulk, getting haircuts, the James Toney shoulder roll, talking about why someone is "terrible."

I'd like to meet:

Instead of meeting, how 'bout you go here: www.kevinseccia.com

Music:

The Replacements, Johnny Cash, Face to Face, Sticks & Stones, The Bouncing Souls, The Clash, Tom Petty, The Old 97's, Rancid, Bruce Springsteen, Social Distortion, Green Day, Hank Williams I and III, N.W.A., Jawbreaker, Bill Monroe, J Church, Bad Religion, The Darkness, The Killers, The Police, Xzibit, Descendents, Weston, The Shins, DMX, Operation Ivy, Screeching Weasel, AC/DC, Against Me, The Ark

Movies:

The Magnificent 7, Hud, Bottle Rocket, Dawn of the Dead, The Great Escape, Evil Dead II, The Hustler, Repo Man, Anything by Sergio Leone, The Professionals, Halloween, Out of Sight, Friday, Takashi Miike films (Ichi the Killer, Dead or Alive), Enter the Dragon, A Face in the Crowd, Roadhouse, Miller's Crossing, Groundhog Day, Snatch, Old School, Three Kings, Anything by Peckinpah, The Dirty Dozen, Pushover, The Lusty Men, Point Blank, Fist of Legend, Battle Royale, High Plains Drifter, The Matrix (all), In a Lonely Place, Tombstone, Scarface, Rushmore, Bad Boys (the Sean Penn one), The Tai Chi Master, The Swimmer, Unbreakable, Rope, Signs, GoodFellas, March of the Wooden Soldiers, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Westworld, Paint Your Wagon, My Dinner with Andre, Blade Runner, Phantasm, Midnight Run, Down By Law, Office Space, Big Trouble in Little China, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Rear Window, Butch Cassidy, Rope, Roger Dodger, The General, Go West, 48 Hours, Battling Butler, Coming to America, Sharkskin Man and Peach Hip Girl, Serenity, Mr. Mom, Hellraiser.

Television:

Angel, The Wire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, LOST, The OC (season 1), Alias, The Venture Brothers, HBO Boxing, American Chopper, Deadwood, Quantum Leap, Ali G, Cheers, The Office, Friday Night Fights, The Twilight Zone, Three's Company, Arrested Development, Kung Fu, Battlestar Galactica, The Shield, Seinfeld, Alfred Hitchcock presents, Extras (HBO, not the lame tabloid show), Access Hollywood, Throwdown with Bobby Flay

Books:

Anything by Ernest Hemingway (The Sun Also Rises, The Dangerous Summer, To Have and Have Not) and Jose Saramago (Blindness, The Cave), Paul Auster's The Book of Illusions, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, The Great Gatsby, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Kavalier & Clay, Rolling Nowhere, Mockingbird, any Phillip K. Dick stuff, The Eye of the World, The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt, The Last Go Round, The Big Sleep, Great Expectations, Ripley Under Ground, Conan, Watchmen, Spider-Man, The Goon, and most Chuck Klosterman stuff...

Heroes:

You're looking at him. Wait, you were looking at me right? Also, Bull Hurley, Buddy Revell, and Wade Garrett. Also:

My Blog

Comedy Blog

I'm blogging news stories for Suicide Girls using the alias of TheCoolerKing. Feel free to check them out.http://suicidegirls.com/members/TheCoolerKing/news/You like to laugh, right? Well then put you...
Posted by Kevin on Sat, 14 Jul 2007 10:06:00 PST

Eating

The drive thru at McDonald's today was so unbearably slow that I'm convinced I stumbled upon one of those situations where robbers broke in, bound and gagged the staff, then stashed them under the cou...
Posted by Kevin on Mon, 30 Apr 2007 09:01:00 PST

An Interview

The earlier referenced interview with Seth Rogen that I did for Tokion magazine. Cut and pasted from Tokion.com.At the ripe old age of 24 Seth Rogen has already acted, written and been a producer on t...
Posted by Kevin on Thu, 08 Feb 2007 08:17:00 PST

A Materialistic List

The best presents I received for Christmas. - cowboy shirt- kickass, newly re-issued yet classically cool, Ray-Ban Wayfarers- Chuck Klosterman IV- a fake book with a flask hidden in it.- an autographe...
Posted by Kevin on Thu, 28 Dec 2006 05:55:00 PST

You show me a televison series better than The Wire...

And I'll show you an idiot who doesn't know what they're talking about.Not you, just some guy I know. The two events are actually unrelated. I just figured that if you took the time to search for this...
Posted by Kevin on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 10:18:00 PST

TOKION magazine

The new issue features my interview with Seth Rogen the writer/actor/bigshot from such things as 40 Year Old Virgin and... other things. My friend Ruben Fleischer did the photos.Go get it. I'm not sur...
Posted by Kevin on Tue, 07 Nov 2006 08:27:00 PST

Starface

How to Tell You're a Tabloid JunkieDo you spend your time late-night Web surfing? Trivia spewing? "What if" theorizing? If you're worried, check this list. Writer and comedian Kevin Seccia lets you kn...
Posted by Kevin on Sat, 05 Aug 2006 01:12:00 PST

If I had to pinpoint it...

I realized the guy on line in front of me at the dry cleaners and I never would've been best friends, under any circumstances, when he amended his answer to the question "What color is the jacket?" fr...
Posted by Kevin on Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:43:00 PST

Let the record show...

I hesitated not a single second in declaring the Nick Cave penned film, "The Proposition" to be the greatest movie of all time. Yes, I know "all time" isn't over yet. Doesn't matter. It is phenomenal....
Posted by Kevin on Mon, 29 May 2006 04:42:00 PST

The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift.

Obnoxious commentary inserted into a partial transcript of the trailer for the film The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. Fast cars race by. Song Lyrics: Too fast Too furious Guy 1: Its called drifti...
Posted by Kevin on Sat, 27 May 2006 01:35:00 PST