Tracey - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a single father, a musician, a good friend, and a cocky bastard. In that order. I'm a fire-eating, gourmet-meal-cooking, good-looking son of a bitch. I'm alot of words with hyphens. I'm honest 100% of the time, except when I'm sarcastic, which is often. 90% of the time, I have no idea what I'm talking about, and I'm smarter than 98% of the population. Which makes me a very lonely person indeed. I'm easily amused, and loyal to my true friends. I'm not one for fake friends or brand names. I don't like the willfully ignorant or the hypocritical. I'm a stickler for grammar and spelling, and I will not add you to my friends list unless I consider you a friend. I am not a thief, and I did not have sexual relations with that woman.The music you hear is my music. If you dig it, add me there, not here. I have more than enough friends who don't dig what I do already. I'll add anyone to that profile, but I don't mass market or auto add. The Barnhouse Effect
Anything else you want to know? Just ask.
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My Interests

Jesus loves me.

I'd like to meet:

Myself. Your mom. God. In that order. Musicians looking to do something different. Drag queens, circus freaks, another omnitheist (I think I'm the only one.) Strong Bad, gay porn stars, Colonel Sanders, GI Joe, chronic masterbaters, practicing alcoholics, non-practicing virgins. Jim Beam, George Dickle, Jack Daniels, Mary Jane, and the dude who thought of YouHaveBadTasteInMusic.com That's just plain fucking funny.....I'd prefer NOT to meet:

Music:

I dig: OutKast, Sublime, Simon and Garfunkle, Johnny Cash (screw anyone who hates country), Deftones, The Roots, Tool, Ben Folds, A Perfect Circle, alot of local bands you've probably never heard of. Anything my daughter sings. Any artists and/or innovaters.

Movies:

I don't really have the attention span for most movies. Last one I saw in a theater was Sin City. Office Space, The Crow, The Usual Suspects, MST3K. I like watching movies at home, so I can drink and smoke (ideally cuddle up with someone) while I watch. Otherwise, 2 hours is a long time to be sitting on my ass.

Television:

I like it when the pictures on the box move. It's kinda like magic. Magic is cool. If I could do magic I'd marry Claudia Schiffer and get a tiger. Who would eat me. I like stuff that eats people. I dunno, simpsons, family guy? I'm really easily amused.

Books:

I like books. Kurt Vonnegut, Joeseph Heller, George Orwell, Herman Hess, Thomas Pychnon, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Phillip Roth. Douglas Adams. The Bible (makes good rolling papers, kinda like fortune cookies.)

Heroes:

Homer Simpson, Jack Kevorkian, Kilgore Trout. Seriously. If you don't catch the reference, just ask. None of the three are a joke. I'm not good at subtlety.

My Blog

New Song, Untitled:

This was the first day of the rest of your life, This is the last night we have for sure. Everything is perfect now and everything is bright, I swear to God my intentions are pure. You are not the ene...
Posted by Tracey on Thu, 26 Apr 2007 02:54:00 PST

For the nice guys who finish last.:

I've heard tell of nice guys who finish last.Most of the women I've dated, I'm still friends with, even one of the two who cheated. I think the problem might not be the girls they're dating, I think i...
Posted by Tracey on Sun, 08 Apr 2007 08:51:00 PST

Arrested.

I had a DUI last year, February. I failed to report for probation. Kept thinking I'd fix it tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Flash forward, 9 months, I've fucked up everything. In the same fashion. Wit...
Posted by Tracey on Wed, 28 Mar 2007 10:52:00 PST

THE TRUTH ABOUT SAINT PADDY'S DAY!

Seriously. I must let you all onto something. The Irish don't celebrate St. Patrick's day. We leave that to you other... how do I put this politely... alcohol-tolerance-challenged people. Seriously. I...
Posted by Tracey on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Instructions:

On nair, they recommend not using soap after, but, I did the nether region, and needed... release.Damn. It stung.This sting was all bad. It was like God was fighting the Devil and my taint was the bat...
Posted by Tracey on Tue, 27 Feb 2007 05:28:00 PST

Two women:

I like the whole girl on girl thing because I think it's considerate. That way, after the 5 minutes in heaven, they can talk to each other, instead of annoying me with mindless chatter. But then, I ...
Posted by Tracey on Wed, 14 Feb 2007 05:10:00 PST

How to show you care:

It's the little things that let a woman know you care.For example, I'll call my girlfriend in the bathroom if I have a particularly impressive bowel movement:Me: "Honey, honey, come here!!! Quick!!!"H...
Posted by Tracey on Sun, 04 Feb 2007 02:18:00 PST

Relationships:

I dated my showerhead for awhile. A female friend had suggested it. She said she was about to give up on dating when she found her showerhead. She said an 8 speed, adjustable stream model was the key ...
Posted by Tracey on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 09:16:00 PST

Cut Me Out.

The chronic depressive in meIs searching for reasons to leave.As much as I need you with meI just can not believe.That I am the best that youcan do.You're so clean and so pure,I'm dirty and tired.How ...
Posted by Tracey on Sat, 06 Jan 2007 04:51:00 PST

Not a True Story:

Once I went to the zoo, early in the morning, when the monkeys are masterbating. I mean, I do that all the time. Because thier wangs are so small, it makes me feel huge. I greatly enjoy watching...
Posted by Tracey on Thu, 28 Dec 2006 07:12:00 PST