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DECEMBER 2007: ARE YOU ONE OF THE 13? Foist are/were (depending on when you read this) distributing a total of 13 exclusive limited-edition compilation CDs, all in bespoke, individual designs made from pieces of a postal worker's sac and bespoke, individual hand-drawn CD labels.The 13 receivers were specially selected by Foist, destined indeed to own a slice of Foist, at the All Tomorrow's Parties (ATP) festival at Butlins in Minehead, Somerset, England. But soon, Foist warns, this compilation will be available to the world at large.
Tis called THIS DEVIL FROM THE WOODS and contains many of Foist's finest moments of the past 19 years.
At this juncture, following some confusion from those barely aware of the Foist phenomenon, Foist feels it needs to explain that it is not an artist but a collective entity that has taken the form of cassette label, CD label, gigs promoter and veritable ambassador organisation for the unofficial country that it is the Forest of Dean. But though the stupid MySpace player cannot differentiate between Foist as a label and its many tentacles of artistes, different artists record different songs under the Foist label. Got that, folks?
Here is the track listing for THIS DEVIL FROM THE WOODS:
1. ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC by Helium Dealer (2005)
2. FELTHAM BASSETT by Hex Fremlin (1995)
3. AUSTIN CHAMBERS by The Shandy-Leers (2005)
4. SURRAGATE BREATH by The League of Tiny Giants (1996)
5. THE KINGDOM by H.P. Lovesauce (2003)
6. PULL IT APART by Turbo Wanker (2003)
7. IT'S BEHIND YOU by Charming Death vs Ruardean Woodside Players (2006)
8. BLACK GOLD by Tiny Giants (2003)
9. THEME FROM MINDER/ROLL OUT THE BARREL by The High Chairs (2007)
10. ACID BOOTS II by Mettassium (1989)
11. THE TALE OF DR PRICE by Pete Symonds (2007)
Expect that sooner than you think, many if not all of these tracks will appear on this here site
NOVEMBER 17, 2007: FOIST RELEASES GREATEST HITS FROM THE PAST, NEAR PRESENT AND THE FUTURE
It's all go here at Foist HQ... As well as the song from the future (see the time-travel entry just below this), Foist has grappled with new technology, dusting off a 1990 classic, put on to CD for the very first time. From Hex Fremlin, here you will find the catchy suicidal pop song Nobody's Problem?.
Due to popular demand, Foist has reinstated recent gems by The High Chairs, due to play their debut gig on November 24, Theme From Minder/ Roll Out The Barrel, and the evergreen Shandyleers with their country-rocker, Austin Chambers. Please leave expressions of gratitude in our comments section for this wondrous gift Foist has bestowed upon you, or go to hell.
NOVEMBER 11, 2008: FOIST UNVEILS NEW SIGNING, KARESSED BY KURVES
A year on from our last posting and Slagmagnet's You Die has had to actually die and be replaced by the utterly unique Flowers and Washing Machines Kan't Hurt Me. Tipped for the top of the pop parade, this one!
NOVEMBER 9, 2007: ALL-NEW OLD SONGS FROM 2005 SHOW FOIST AT THEIR MOST UNPLEASANT
If you're new to Foist, you'll just have to brace yourself and read down until you find the bit that explains what Foist is.
Disclaimer: Everything Foist does is bollocks, therefore so is all this writing.
The new Foist studio is rising from the rubble, and is now in a state of readiness for mixing (but not recording...yet). More all-new old songs from every era of Foist's almost 20-year history will appear on here in brand new mixed format.
Just to whet your appetite... and your bed, here are some gruesome trax from the vault, mercifully only up here for a limited time: Blue Suede Jews spent at least one hour composing, rehearsing and recording this EP of one-minute gems (all except Mervyn Tailor, which went on for two). And we've cooked up a great deal for you here, all five songs on one track! Soil, Dortmund Wurst Rekyavik, Blitch, Mervyn Tailor and Wombdweller
Slagmagnet present one of their lighter, more whimsical numbers: You die.
How can two people make such a wall of almighty sound? Charming Death come up with the goods on the charmingly titled Shit Shovel.
Deluge Of Arse Piss only managed to record two songs before being flushed into oblivion. Here's the B-side of Arse Piss, Deluge.
Aren't you glad you heard all that? Get your hands on the 2005 compilation Foist Frolics 1 for just £1. Hurry while stocks last! Available from no reputable record stores.
JUNE 23, 2007: CHECK OUT THE FOIST ASSOCIATES
While Foist waits impatiently for a new studio to emerge, various friends and colloborators have been invading MySpace. If you haven't already, please check out the following
AKIRA DOBBINS: Dirtyboy's bass funkster with his band Akira Dawn: www.myspace.com/akirabass
MADAMBRIE: From sultry jazz standards to boisterous lounge-punk, Madambrie can do it all: www.myspace.com/beccyborck
PURE EVIL: Though not strictly a Foist act, this grievesome threesome are close collaborators. Currently promoting their new and devilishly exciting album, 20 Golden Greats, out on 11A records. Grotesque rock'n'roll, jazz and punk cabaret-rock at its finest: www.myspace.com/pureeviloffical
TURBO WANKER: Ferocious and scrumptious songs, not to be missed by any true punk: www.myspace.com/turbowanker
APRIL 19, 2007: FOIST PLUNGE TO NEW DEPTHS OF DEPRAVITY BY UNLEASHING BURN THE WOODSHED! - THE FINAL RUARDEAN SESSION
In case you're not up to speed with the Foist phenomenon, here's a brief synopsis. Hailing from a little-known country nestled in the armpit of England called the Forest of Dean, these pioneers of self-indulgent bollocks have been forcing their highly distinctive audio palette down the minds of the unsuspecting and bewildered souls for 19 years now. The last episode came to a close, with the sudden and wilful destruction of the Ruardean headquarters. On the fateful final night of February 17, 2007, the loyal Foist all-star house ensemble, the Alimentary School Band gathered for a wake-cum-debauched sonic adventure, which was recorded for everyone's listening displeasure.
Foist began solemnly, with a sober exercise of remembrance of all the ongoing victims of prison torture worldwide, particularly with the 'leaders of the free world', the US at Guantanamo Bay. Words don't come easily when dealing with such horrors, so Guantanamo Bay Torture Blues doesn't have any. Eric Clapton, eat your heart out.
We owe the existence of Cunt Ballet to one Tony Hadley - thanks, Tony, wherever you are, you inspired us to write this beautiful, delicate song.
Later on in proceedings, after much ale and mead had been consumed, vomited and excreted, Bonzo Atkinson - a veritable expert on hydration, incidentally - leapt up from his drum stool and forced his way on to the mike, and insisted on telling us about the time he lost his virginity, and the second time as well. We couldn't help but share these golden memories with you. Hence, The Confessions of Bonzo Atkinson.
Finally, it was time to say farewell to Ruardean in the only way Foist knows how - with tears, laughter at memories of the good times, heinous profanities, hatred and pointless vitriol.
But even though it seems like the Last Supper, do not suppose this is the end of Foist. Foist is not dead, just slumbering, until another assembly point comes into being, somewhere in the deep, dark forest.
Despite no new recordings currently being forged in Foist's frightening furnace, new mixes of old tracks will steadily become available thanks to new technology, and these will be posted as and when...One day, there may even be a CD available. Watch this space if you are deranged enough to want to.
After a month or so, we will also give Foist's many, varied and far-flung disciples the chance to lobby for these gruesome tracks to be replaced...
Those that have been up and can go up again, if there is sufficient public clamour for their reappearance include: It's Behind You by Charming Death vs the Ruardean Players... tracks by Los Bastardos, Sunday Lunch, Mighty Pigeon (Nazi Killer Calypso), The High Chairs (Carelessness Causes Fires/ Minder Theme Tune/ Vacuum Cleaner), Tiny Giants (Trickle) and others which we can't quite recall...