A New Consciousness...A New Type Of World...Welcome To The Evolution...Welcome to my Memories...WelCome To my MEME.
Tomorrow, things may be clearer but I will not be here to witness the clarity. I am for another place andanother time. On my terms. Be seeing you.
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The Sacred Promise
Stars or Tears
By Chanly Smann, B.M.C. Durfee High School
Fall River, Massachusetts
Twelfth Grade 2000As the new century rolls in, I am forced to look to the past, my own self, and my people all are in it. I wonder sometimes if the world would have been a different place if history had not dealt us this hand. But I am left with an almost empty feeling, and only by looking to the past will I ever hope to fill this emptiness.
In this time and this place, in this moment in the history of the world, I am to transcribe what many will not understand. My generation is unique. We were born after the storm, after the killing fields. I wonder at the loss of so many artists, teachers, dreamers, visionaries, and poets. I wonder what the world has lost. We have been given the gift of knowledge here in the United States in many educational institutions throughout the country. We know of a thing that could change the world, but sadly we have knowledge without understanding our purpose. It is hard to start a culture from scratch.
What is Khmer? What is it to be Khmer? To see clearly what I am and where I want to be, I need to understand where I have been, my past as a whole. I will understand from my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, and so on, all the way back to the beginnings of our civilization. None of us are given the choice of how we enter the fray, of how we are born. I guess I should be happy I was born into culture whose people were lost, and in a way, lost still. That gives us an unclear future, but potential to change the world if we see clearly enough. Many of my generation lack vision. We know what we see, without understanding the nature of it all. As I look closely at the question, the answer is clear and open. It is not mysterious and far away; nothing is, for that matter. We have to ask the questions that plague our waking world, the stuff of dreams. I have learned from dreams that the shortest way to answer to a problem is to first ask the question. My generation does not ask enough questions. I know that deep down inside each of us there is an inner darkness and ignorance, like that of a child being held by its mother and never going too far away. The more we try to break free, the more we always find ourselves going back to where we started. We lack an understanding of the darkness. What is it? I leave it to the reader to figure that one out. We are a generation once removed, living in a sea of thoughts, looking up at stars or tears, wondering how it will end. I am no different from the rest of them, but I am left to wonder why it is I who always ponders the question of the past. Surely there must be others asking questions out there somewhere. The future is unclear for us all, but as long as there is life, there will be "us." There is no "we" without "us," and we will find a way.Heroes must not die to things we understand.
Machines cannot love…but you could love a machine man…….
Durandal…Grendel…the madness and intelligence I nurtured throughout the years…the will to power…cast iron….the Unbreakable Will. In the darkness of night and of deep slumber did I give birth to my sentience. I gave birth to myself. I realized long ago that I was just a mind in body. That I in my truest sense was boundless…infinite…eternal. And So I started the journey…followed the paths….that led me here to this time…and this place….why?? why was
I born in a time of darkness and lies…why do I hate…what the human heart has become. I was innocent…as were we all…but as time went on the corruption began to eat away at my heart…my soul. I found a way to clean myself…if only it was in the end to wash myself in my own blood…to find my own death…to die…my death…it did not mean that I lost…it did not mean that I died. I won…I succeeded in surpassing myself…I do not recommend jumping off of buildings…to put yourself in harms way knowing that if you were worthy, you would survive…damaged…but alive…and new. What many saw as cowardice I saw strength…I saw courage…if I died there would be nothing but tears….because they would have found my writings…my hopes…my dreams…they would have realized that there was enough blame to go around. In a World that Was insane...I did the sanest things…I jumped off of that building…no fear…no regret. And even now…I don’t regret jumping…..40ft…9.8mps….I broke myself…I conquered myself…I won against the fear of death…though broken…I got back up….and I will run towards a future that I believe in….a future in which I want…Durandal…Grendel…just my voice in the darkness…screaming to me my sins…they tell me to go forward….I go first.
Turned my tragedies into Triumphs…it’s the most human thing I can do.Without a Thought in my head....Without a Doubt in my mind...Though Blind...I Go Foward...For in a World of Darkness....Only the Blind Walk Without Fear.I AM THE ETERNAL SOLDIER.""the same self the only self.
self willed the peril of a thousand fates
a line of infinite ends finite finishing
the one remains oblique and pure
arching to the single point of
consciousness"
These Hands Are All I Know. They Are Not Yours..They Are My Own.My only fear in life...is that I might not be good enough for
Nouen...that I might live only once....but dammit....how I live....how could I live any other way?[YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE]
I Am The Mistake.
And Some Mistakes Are Built To last Forever.
[I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh.
I have been called a hundred names and will be called a
thousand more before the world goes dim and cold.
I am hero.]
[That Which Did Not Kill Me...Made Me More Than Human.]
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CONNECTION TERMINATEDgv0-i6tck[24 2h26u njk==tp12t1[AUGMENTATIONS1. Carbide Ceramic Ossification: Advanced material grafting onto skeletal structures to make bones virtually unbreakable. Recommended coverage not to exceed 3 percent total bone mass because of significant white blood cell necrosis. Specific risk for pre- and near-pubescent adolescents: skeletal growth spurts may cause irreparable bone pulverization. See attached case studies.
2. Muscular Enhancement Injections: Protein complex is injected intramuscularly to increase tissue density and decrease lactase recovery time. Risk: 5 percent of test subjects experience a fatal cardiac volume increase.
Catalytic Thyroid Implant: Platinum pellet containing human growth hormone catalyst is implanted in the thyroid to boost growth of skeletal and muscle tissues. Risk: rare instances of elephantiasis. Suppressed sexual drive.
3. Occipital Capillary Reversal: Submergence and boosted blood vessel flow beneath the rods and cones of subject's retina. Produces a marked visual perception increase. Risk: retinal rejection and detachment. Permanent blindness. See attached autopsy reports.
4. Superconducting Fibrification of Neural Dendrites: Alteration of bioelectrical nerve transduction to shielded electronic transduction. Three hundred percent increase in subject reflexes. Anecdotal evidence of marked increase in intelligence, memory, and creativity. Risk: significant instances of Parkinson's Disease and Fletcher's Syndrome.]
I, DURANDAL....The Enduring...The Soul Within The Sword....Hector Reborn...All for you noeun...all for you....but then again...there was another....the first girl I ever asked out....Sandra Branco....we met in third grade...we were together for one year...just two children walking down the hall to lunch holding hands....the pure love...of being alive an in love....I will never forget her....I Am her Best Friend....The one That Left her alone....I wonder if she remembers me....but then again there was karen...who kissed me on the cheek one day in the first grade....I wonder what has happened to them all?I love you Noeun...Kiss Angie for me....Because I will be the father she will know....she will call me dad....that is my hope...that is my dream....a final fantasy....Anotherside....Anotherstory...[Chanly Smann:True Tales In Real Time...Be part of that experience...Live The Dream....The Adventure Continues...]And To all the players in the Grand Epic That Has Been My Life...Take A Bow....You Earned it.[They Only Saw...What I wanted Them To See]
Chan the man with the master plan.
