S I M - W I S E

That is not me BTW, it is my PA, Magda. Apart from playing a mean electric guitar, she handles my day to day business, booking enquiries, etc, etc. Have a chat with her if you would like to book me for work. Bear in mind she is not real though, so good luck with that.
Sum fings wot I do:
Model. Not only that but I does model and WIN PRIZES for it. Result.
Write. I once wrote War and Peace backwards in my sleep. Unfortunately it was all in crayon.
Appear on the telly in a haphazard manner. Apparently I'm a 'presenter'. Yeah.
DJ. I do this at a rock night called Hot Damn every third Friday at the Purple Turtle in Camden. I might be doing it other places too, watch this space...
Dance. Badly. You've all seen the videos.
Advise. This is a new one that I just added to my tombola of skills. Check out my box on the Myspace SCENE JUNKIE home page, and ASK ME A QUESTION .
See, I wasn't voted...
... by the teachers at Hearsall Community Primary School for nothing. Oh no.
BOOKING ENQUIRIES:For all modelling enquiries, please speak to Luki or Adam at Girl Management .
This is my website:
It's going to look well buff when it's all finished.
Some facts:
I once grew a minature donkey on my left hand. It was a great talking point at dinner parties.
My full name is Alexandra Agnetha Anni-Frid Benny Bjorn Dustin Hoffman Sim-Wise... my Mum was a big fan of Bauhaus you see.
While drunk once, I discovered the cause of the black death. Perversely, if was Susie Metwetwe's fault when she lit a menthol cigarette that time in 1978.
I am not cool. You may think that I am, but it is all a beautiful lie fabricated by clowns and gypsies.
I can converse with farm animals using only the intricacies of mind control. You may be inspired by the fact that this also includes chickens, who - as we all know - are notoriously hard.
The above knowledge has helped me a lot in my modelling career.
If I could, I would be reborn as Gary Coleman. I think he would make an excellent toilet attendant as he is the perfect size to fit under the door if you run out of toilet paper and/or check on Jenna Jameson's bathroom antics. Fun times WOULD be had.
I write for FRONT magazine and it is probably the best job I have ever had, beating Mormon bookseller and Pizza Hut waitress by a small margin.
I have never dealt crack. Not even to school children. That's quite an achievement in this day and age.
I appear in a lot of places, I do it mainly by the power of magic.
This is my tellybox showreel, for the tellybox:
Here is a quote that everyone should live by, but they don't:
Listen to the Banksy, he is a legend. Fame is not the be-and-end-all kids. Big Brother is for cretins and celebrity these days is a short-lived fast train to a mental home. Just look at Britney Spears. Live the dream by all means, but be intelligent with it. Then you can politely ask all the haters to begone with their naughty little smug faces. Word.
This is me:
This is me normal:
This is me when I was younger:
CLICK on my hideous fake tan addicted former self for more of that kind of thing:
This is my 'I'm great' rolly whirly thing - I like to look at it when I am sat at home looking like a troll:
This is me drinking beer:
This is what I do for fun:
This is what my brain is made of:
This is my favourite picture of all time:
I like:
I don't like:
I am all about:
I will run like the plague from:
I have a big cock:
When I'm bored I do this:
Add to My Profile | More Videos
A bunch of my stupid pictures, moving round and stuff:
Like my page? Spread the word and use one of my banners for special people:
Copy and paste this code to add my dumb banner to your profile:
Copy and paste this code to your profile to be down with Mr T:
AND especially for all you hardcore fans, this profile 'chufty badge' is for youuu... wear it with pride!
Copy and paste this code to add my stupid face to your profile:
CLICK on Tank Girl to see ALL THE THINGS I LOVE:
CHECK THIS SHIT OUT: