Johnster the Monster - ProfilesArchive

About Me

FOR MORE CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY, THE ENVIRONMENT, AND MY FAMILY, DON'T MISS THE "OLDER" BLOG ARCHIVE.Get your own Extended Network Banner - Over 530 to choose from
WELCOME TO MY HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE. Come on in, we just sprayed for syphilis. We have fresh titty milk on tap. I'm into volume, vagina, chicks with tattoos, chicks into chicks, amateur porn and rock and roll that isn't for faggots! I lack couth, inhibition, and the filter that regulates what I'm thinking and what comes out of my mouth. I hate prudes, bandwagon fans, rap music and the continued persecution of those who seek prostitutes. My wife rocks! She's hot, shows her tits in public, doesn't wear underwear and doesn't care that I'm a rabid pervert in pursuit of all things trashy, whorish, low brow and unholy. If you do not believe Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen was an abomination, don't know that AC/DC died when Bon Scott turned into a popsicle (or, a Bonsicle), or are a Steelers fan, get the fuck off my site! Unless you have an ass like Demonica's (see friends), then you can stay. Speaking of asses, check out the work of art on Marj's backside... exquisite! Ask me about punching out a bar owner at a Dangerous Toys concert, getting arrested for streaking, falling off a two-story house, or playing strip-pool in a bar and losing badly. And hey, READ THESE BLOGS DAMNIT! Slash'em, burn'em, tell me to fuck off, I don't care, just answer me!!!

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Here Ruyter demonstrates to MJ the proper technique in which one may administer a good old fashioned prick lashing on a fully cocked Johnster Monster! A little wider ladies and don't forget to choke up on the bat... I found this layout design on PureLayouts.com - check out their MySpace Layouts .

My Interests

Copulating, decibels, women prone to making bad decisions, throwing out my chest and leading with my chin, the immediate re-establishment of the divine right of kings, writing checks with my mouth my body can't cash, harnessing the molecular power of the stars for the purpose of visiting Hellish destruction upon those who have sworn allegiance against rocking, Mexican pizzas with sour cream and enjoying a good donkey show as much as the next guy.

For the Bordello portion of the site I will allow my associate Senior "Dirty" Sanchez to introduce you to the girls. "We have lots of much pretty girl. You find one for fucking you...No? You no fuck Quinne?"

"Pam good for fuck you, no?"

"You like French girl, no? Brigitte good for suck you. I get bear skin rug for you."

"You do rusty trombone with Tifani, no?"

"Tera titty fuck much good. You fuck now, no?"

Thank you Senior Sanchez. Now may I direct your attention southward. This is THE HOLY ROUNDTABLE OF ROCK. Kneel bitches!

I'd like to meet:

Any girl from Shane's World, Robert Williams, Guy Aitchison, Caravaggio, Quinne Suicide, Sonny Barger, Dale Earnhardt, Tipper Gore, the Heat Miser and Mark Manning. I would also like to have a four-way with Brigitte Bardot, Mata Hari and Lydia Lunch, but they're probably unavailable so I'll settle for any two chicks that are willing to double up on me and my wife at the same time. As for my wife, that's her down below (MJ). She's a crazy little rock and roll harlot! Go to her site, slap her ass, squeeze a tit, put your quarters up, bend her over a pool table and shoot one up her dirtbox! The line starts in the rear.
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Music:

In the name of Kiss Alive stop being a pussy and listen to one of these bands now! Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, Nashville Pussy, Zeke, The Ex Idols, I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch In The House, The Brought Low, The Muffs, Supersuckers, Broken Teeth, Bracket, The Datsuns, The Railbenders, Jesse Dayton, David Allen Coe, Confederate Railroad, Willie Nelson, Kiss, AC/DC (with Bon Scott), Motorhead, Hound Dog Taylor, Split Lip Rayfield, Elmore James, Rattlesnake Remedy, Steve Earle, R.L. Burnside, The Quadrajets, The Riverboat Gamblers, The Midnight Evils, Raging Slab, REO Speeddealer(Now known only as Speeddealer because those Speedwagon knob-shiners cried like a bunch of chain whipped cunts), Masters of Reality, The Distillers, The Snakehandlers, Nebula, The Paybacks, Young Heart Attack, All, The Detroit Cobras, Ramones, Hammerbox, Alice In Chains, Tool, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Cheap Trick, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, The Martini Kings, anything by John Williams, Mozart or Beethoven, Motley Crue, Johnny Crash, Smashed Gladys, Spread Eagle, Drive-by Truckers, Sugartooth, Dianna Krall, Tom Petty, Bullets And Octane, early Van Halen, early ZZ Top, Truckstop Honeymoon, Lucero, Two Cow Garage, Old Crow Medicine Show, Wendy O. Williams, The Shifters, Towers of London, Big Smokey, Butch Walker, Dragbeat, Sonny Vincent, Rosie Flores, Lynam, Hammerlock, Wednesday 13, Throw Rag, Ruby Dee and the Snakehandlers, Damone, Old 97's, The Zeros (from L.A.), Pantera, Dangerous Toys, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Faster Pussycat, Shooter Jennings, Pretty Boy Floyd, The Darkness, Johnny Casino's Easy Action, Gideon Smith and the Dixie Damned, Iron Boss, The Dexateens, Streetwalkin Cheetahs, D'molls, Joan Jett, The Lunachicks, Andrew W.K., Five Horse Johnson, Turbonegro, The Casanovas, The Living Things, Urge Overkill, Beautiful Creatures, Neurotic Outsiders, The Wildhearts, King Diamond, Judas Priest, The London Quireboys, Circus of Power, Nitro, Hank Williams Jr., Hank III, Al Green, Black Sabbath, Duane Peters Gunfight, Sex Pistols, The Dead Boys, Fastway, early Black n' Blue, early Lita Ford, early Loudness, Accept, Ratt, Def Leppard before Rick Allen lost his arm and the rest of the band lost their nutsacks, Megadeth, first three Metallica albums, Deep Purple, Cream, Priestess, Social Distortion, American Pearl, The Plasmatics, Nazareth, The Black Crowes, Aerosmith before they became ballad peddling ass clowns, Led Motherfucking Zeppelin, Duitse Herder, W.A.S.P., Government Mule, Die Hunns, Justin Black and The Lights, The Lifters, Choking Susan, Stacie Collins, Nine Pound Hammer, Queen Adreena, 18 Speed Tranny, Slunt, The 440's, Porcelain and the Tramps, Jackviper, Nicky FUKIN Shad Music, Dale Watson, Tito and Tarantula, Moot Davis, The Muggs, Dropkick Murphys, Leroy Justice, Drunkula.

Movies:

Anything that doesn't have Matt McConaughey acting gay, Tom Cruise being gay, or Rose O'Donnell not acting gay.

Television:

Television sucks almost as much as radio, unless you're watching Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. Or this chick...

Books:

Anything by Mark manning, Hunter S. Thompson, or Larry Flynt.

Heroes:

Anyone who can make your ears bleed. Any girl who can make your tongue hard.Also... Robert Williams

Artemisia Gentileschi

Caravaggio

Zurbaran

Ron English

Paul McCaffrey

My Blog

The Path of Least Resistance

Here's a short story I wrote for a creative writing class a bunch of years ago. It seemed like an appropriate story with Father's Day coming up The Path of Least Resistance &...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Mon, 19 May 2008 09:52:00 PST

Charmed By the Devil Herself

I've been getting a lot of shit for not posting blogs lately so here's another rerun for all the newbies because I just don't have any fucking time to write these days. Anyway, it's a favorite o...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:49:00 PST

If This is the Best You Got, I Want My Soul Back

Since I’ve been too busy to post anything lately, I decided to repost one of my greatest hits for all the new blood out there. This was originally posted in March 2007. For all who&r...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:15:00 PST

The Losing Proposition

The Losing Proposition There may be no more powerful force on this earth than the female reproductive organ, I’m quite sure of it. Wars have been started for it, ...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Tue, 25 Mar 2008 07:23:00 PST

Dragon Food

Dragon Food & the Adventures of Gay Ray I’m a pervert at heart. I think it was bred into me like some sort of leg-humping show-dog type of thing or something...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Wed, 19 Mar 2008 02:12:00 PST

The Hustle (A Saint Valentines Day Massacre)

The Hustle (A Saint Valentine's Day Massacre) Whipping someone in the ass with a towel is an art best left to those of us who revel in our propensity for masochistic amusemen...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Fri, 15 Feb 2008 10:42:00 PST

Kneel Before the Pricktator

Kneel Before the Pricktator It took eight hard-fought years, but somewhere between blatant plagiarism and shameless sexual favors, I managed to trick a formerly respected ins...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Fri, 01 Feb 2008 09:28:00 PST

The Prodigal Sumbitch Returns

The Prodigal Sumbitch Returns Preparations have been made. I've been duct-taping hookers and stuffing them in the trunk of my car feverishly since I received the news (they'r...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Thu, 20 Dec 2007 12:24:00 PST

Fuck You Motherfucker

Fuck You Motherfucker I got a call one night, sometime after 12:00am, from an old girlfriend named Leigh Anne. She was dancing at a ramshackle chub-club called The Appl...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Sun, 02 Dec 2007 11:56:00 PST

21 Burning Questions

I haven't had time to finish any blogs recently so I wrote this fun little survey up to make sure the world knows I'm still a dedicated pervert. I made sure to bulletin it too. Add to the ...
Posted by Johnster the Monster on Fri, 28 Sep 2007 07:40:00 PST