A long time ago in a Galaxy far far away, a man in his basement that called himself "God"(and had nicknames like Buddha, Allah, Ganesha, Zeus, Rivers Cuomo) decided he would create a world in galaxy SR38, and he would make a world full of snakes, planes, dirt and people that are never ever satisfied.
Then he said one day he would create five totally awesome immortal souls, representing the five elements of radness. He would scatter them across the world, and one day when the world was in such destructive turmoil, they would join, and soothe everyones ears with such beautiful amazing music, that everyone would be happy. They would listen to such fantastic music, that they would orgasm in not just their ears, but every sense in the body. They would become eternally blissful, once hearing it.
But there was also a group who wanted to stop this at all cost, they hated when other people created happiness, and they became enraged with jealousy. They called themselves the holidays. (cut to clip of evil holiday crime bosses and their many minions)
They created holidays to create mass hysteria in the world, to where people want to be so happy that they will kill someone else's happiness for a tickle me elmo doll (the holidays ingenious focal point of evil in a small red doll). They would stop at nothing to destroy the five totally awesome immortal souls.
But now the five immortal souls have found each other, and they are here to do what they were created for,WHAT THEY WERE MEANT TO DO! and that is stand for all that is freaking sweet.
*cut to sweet anime flashes of each member*
*Water soaks your boobs*
Brian Allen-Master of the guitar solo arts, he comes from the depths of the sea where he harnessed aquatic energy, and how to make salt water taffy. He represents water and totally tubularness. His arms are like liquid, and attack with the ruthlessness of a tsunami wave mixed with aquafina bottled water. His fluid like abilities allow him to guitar solo enemies relentlessly, wave after wave, until they wet themselves in fright.
*rocks and dirt fly all over in your eyes*
Chris Kammier- Masterbeater of the drums, he comes from deep below the earth, in the city of onix, where people rock as hard as the rocks they live in. He represents earth and freaking sweetness. Raised by the family of rockin rock worms, he is no stranger to rockin hard on his drums, that when pounded, can either make you orgasm in rhythm, or smash the ear drums of crying babies(who are a product of evil babies inc)
*Wind blows up your skirt and gets in your raccoon wounds*
JoshUA Pitney- Master of bass, he comes from the sky sanctuary zone in the clouds from sonic the hedgehog that where inhabited by wind ninjas long ago, where he was taught how to be quick as the Wind, and as powerful as a hurricane. He represents Wind and Super radicalness. As silent as a gentle breeze on a woman's un-clothed under area, and as powerful as a ninja enraged with tornado fury, he can attack with lightning quick speed, spin you in circles until you vomit, then right balls on your forehead and steal your pants before you fall to the ground.
*sexy music plays*
Lakyn Bury -Master of guitar and singing, she comes from the island of big footed women, but was outcast because she could wear little boys Darth Vader shoes. She was adopted by a female Japanese assassin, and was trained how to use sexy prowess, along with deathly force. She represents femaleness, and holy hotness. A goddess among females, she can sing you to sleep and then kill you, sending you to a oh so sweet eternal slumber.
*lava erupts up in your grill*
Lee Dalton- Master of keyboards, he comes from the very core of molten lava in the center of the earth, where he learned how to burn people with insults and wield the fiery sex organ of synths, he represents fire and pure awesomeness. He knows how to techno beat the hell out of you with the erupting fury of a volcano that could burst out the side unexpectedly and kill news reporters. He wont hesitate to scorch the ego of crooked Jehovah's whiteness's.
WHEN COMBINED they connect to create STATIC TRAVOLTA, the spitting image of total awesomeness in its purest refined form. To fight all things stupid, and their arch nemesis group "The Holidays". They battle in a giant mech, much like voltron, or the megazord, but on a much cooler scale x 9985453.
They are here to rock your world, and you better listen, cause it might just be the best DAMN band you hear this lifetime.
Thank you Ryan for filling in and saving our asses in our time of need. You shall have a statue made of carbonite for your heroic deeds.
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