melissa

Living life doing what you love. That is what interests me! Interests? HMMM! This is not an area I could even begin to touch on here, so I will state the obvious. However, obvious it may be, the most important it is. I somehow have always known this, therefore my regrets have been few. Stay true to yourself, your morals(whatever they may be, you live with you everyday.) and stick to whatever it is that makes you happy. Don't waste time watching other peoples lives progress while you sit back in misery giving yourself a time limit to do the things you want. It is not a competition between your happiness and your (irrelevant) peers social or economic status. Most people I've found to be in a rush to achieve some non-existent level of success to prove themselves to others around them often find themselves forever chasing a false approval only set by ones self. If you lie to yourself most likely your fear of acceptance or failure will ultimately show in jealousy and tired unhappiness. An example of this is the majority of talkers. If you have time to talk about others or find satisfaction in hurting others, I feel confident, assuming you are missing something in your perfect, happy life-lie. Remembering back when I worked at this Blues Bar in Minneapolis. It was a one time only job I kept showing up to for a two year waste of, well, anything and everything really. Even though I found this area of work to be of the utmost dead-end, backstabbing, blur of unhappiness, for those years I kind of liked my non-productive hiatus with my new miserable friends. All of them passing through like me.--- Almost all of them. Some of the superiors would feel self-worth and security by talking about or making fun of employees and rehearsing the next persons termination and who got to do it when they were done sucking that person of all dignity and energy. One in particular wasn't so satisfied with her plan to devastate my day when she begged for the honor to fire me. It never feels cool to be fired, never the less, in my case it was a first and I was relieved. For me, this meant I got to go out with friends instead of serve beer and ribs to people who's "majority vote" landed them in this commercial, safe, corporate, live blues bar with their friends happy faces painted on the chairs that surround their reserved table. While sincerely thanking that empty, insecure woman for the favor she did me in my head, I selfishly ran out the door. That was the last time I would ever compromise myself for such a mindless, mundane, physical, daily repetition...EVER! The next day I was packing for my year and a half vacation that suddenly came up and that I desperately needed after that experience of two-faced greed and false friendships. I felt really bad for the next one who (wasn't as exhilarated as moi.) will become a victim of her entertainment and visible low self-esteem while contradicting her managers manual with blatant neglect for humanity. Time flew by when I realized it was how sad I felt for that homely little Wisconsin woman, whom plainly was the unhappy one and it showed. I clearly could see her fear and insecurities. She felt powerful at the expense of others. To me, that is so sad and unfulfilling. I was way off worrying about her prey, I am sure they got over it. Even this tinny experience of wasted time in my life continues to hang around in reminder of how important it is to remember your truth. My point here is, don't let something that doesn't even exist scare you down a safer path. You will end up letting fear rip you off. People are just people. There is room for all of us. So just go forward. In the end nobody cares who had what. You on the other hand, might! It is so much more fun to laugh at yourself than others. I ravish myself in embarrassing situations. Try it. All is not bad for fear I must add. I believe someone, somewhere told me that the "superior leadership qualities" demonstrated by the superior person that kindly fired me got promoted to a full time manager position at suburban mall location. (so I could be wrong....NO! I am right.)