Above is a song from a great guitarist Mike Hickey,called 'Gold'.He is an amazing guitarist,to hear this song just turn off my player & click the player above.
Below is a song really hits home for me in alot of ways. I'm trying to look forward into the future through the hards times I face,ands it's not an easy path to follow. But the past is the past & that cannot be changed. You can dwell on it all you want ,yet until you can realize that no matter how long or how many times you look back at it ,nothing will change it. This helps me try & hope for a better future,I still have trouble accepting it ,but working hard at it.
Press stop on my music player & press play on the video below to see & hear the song played live.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
I'm open for just about anything!!!! I'll try(almost) anything at least once....xD.Had to add that 'Almost' in there for some sicko's that might take me up on that statement ,,,,lol.
If i could meet someone,I'd like them to be honest,that's a definate BIGGIE for me. No offence,women ,,lol..but some of you, like to play games,,xD.That's cool & all in it's own way I guess, but sucks when your on the other end ,,lol.As you can also tell I still have a little unsettled attitude.....ya think?...lol
SILKROAD ONLINE
(By clicking the above banner ,it will take you to Silkroad Online Home Page) SILKROAD ONLINE The online game 'SilkRoad' targets the unceasingly active world other than the existing online games which the has built the entrenched world. On the specious Silk Road, the merchants constantly moves for trading and burglars who intend to strip them of goods. In addition, there are hunters who specialize in removing such burglars. On the Silk Road which seems to be static, the hostility and secret strife in which various groups continuously engage for the benefit of their own groups inform the Silk Road world with new life. Besides, there is no fixed job in the SilkRoad world. All players can freely promote the growth of their own characters by their wills, and change his/her own group to other groups like merchant, burglar and hunter which he/she affiliated with as well as alter his/her character. The player is to have an experience of ultimately free world with setting up not fixed, organically changed world. The server system processed in the parallel decentralization can simultaneously accommodate a large group of users without fail and offer the more fresh game by virtue of minimized loading time. Moreover, realizing the more natural character's movement through the motion blending and dynamic animation technique provides the players with the improved oneness with the character. Now, the road to SilkRoad is open to you. It is entirely up to you whether you will earn much money in the trade, become one wolf which pounds the extensive and outlawry continent or play an active part of guardian who protects the peace of SilkRoad.
THIS VIDEO IS THE ACTUAL 'TRAILER VIDEO' FOR THE GAME
The above movie is actually from Silkroad Online.All the graphics & combat scenes actually look just as the appear on this video.This is a definate game to look into, if you like playing RPG's.Watch & see for yourself the graphics & gameplay you'll find in this game.If by chance you decide to try the game out?I do have 2 characters on this game ,I tend to play once and a while.My characters are: 'Kurzon' & ' Mighty_Odin'.So look me up if you decide to play.Oh also there are about 14 different servers to choose from,to play on.Once you create a character on 1 server you can't bring that character to another one.So If you would like to play on the server that I play on,choose "Olympus',when logging on to create your character/characters.Well have fun & enjoy life.
EVERY PARENTS NIGHTMARE
HOME IMPROVEMENT: Season 3 Episode 1, Maybe Baby
HOME IMPROVEMENT: TOOL TIME (Part 1)
HOME IMPROVEMENT: TOOL TIME (Part 2)
4X4 CRASH & ROLL!! FUNNY
MONSTER TRUCK SPECIAL
4X4 EXTREMO
CHRISTIAN PFEIFFER BIKE STUNTS
FLAGSTAFF FURY 2!! MUST WATCH!!
EXTREME FUNNY
FUNNY EXTREME SPORTS 2
FUNNY STUPID ACCIDENTS
40 MOVIE CLITCHE`S
ALIENS All members of alien species wear the same outfits.
ANIMALS Snakes always attack the lone woman in the group.
CARS When you are alone in the back seat of the car, make sure you sit in the middle.
CHILDBIRTH Every woman uses Lamaze (pant method).
CLOTHING Whenever anyone knocks out anyone else and takes their clothes, they always fit perfectly.
COMPUTERS Any "Permission Denied" message always has an "Override Password" function. // When the power plant/missile site overheats, all the control panels explode.
CONVERSATIONS Two people will often converse while one stares out the window, with their back to the other. When an emotional point is made, the first person will turn around.
DRINKING A cup of black coffee/splash of cold water in face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober.
EVIDENCE The photo that provides incriminating evidence is never on top of the pile.
FIGHTS If a character uses martial arts, his opponents will always face him one-to-one. Spare bad guys may dance around the fight taunting our hero, but none will engage until his predecessor has been disposed of.
GLASSES "Little girls who wear glasses in movies always tell the truth. Little boys who wear glasses in movies always lie." (Gene Siskel)
HEROES The hero's best friend/partner will be killed by the bad guys three days before retirement. // After a fight, the hero will always wipe blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, then look at it. // A hero will show no pain even during the most terrific beating, yet he will wince if a women attempts to clean a facial wound.
INJURIES The hero always gets shot in the shoulder.
MEDICAL More often than not, the best method to revive somebody after their heart has stopped, assuming that there has already been a lengthy attempt to revive them with CPR or those electric zapper things, is screaming at them something like: "You've never backed away from anything in your life, now fight! Fight! FIIIIGHT!" or "You can't do this to me! I love you, goddammit!"
MIDDLE AGES Medieval peasants always have filthy faces, tangled hair, ragged clothing and perfect teeth.
MINORITIES Native Americans all have mystical knowledge.
NIGHTMARES Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright in bed.
PHONES Always knock over the phone if it wakes you up. // On the subject of phones, how about variations of the Bob Newhart-style conversation where we only get to hear one side of the discussion, as in: "Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet? (pause) And you already called Bill's? (pause) What did he say? (pause) He hasn't seen her either. (pause) So, John's getting nervous? (pause) He's going to call the police?" If I'm not mistaken, the conversation must have gone like this: "Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet." "Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet?" "No, and I've already called Bill's." "And you already called Bill's?" "Yes." "What did he say?" "He hasn't seen her either." "He hasn't seen her either." "John's getting pretty nervous about this." "So, John's getting nervous?" "Yes, he's going to call the police." "He's going to call the police?"
RADIO & TV A character turns on the radio in time to hear a special announcement. He or she then turns the radio off. SEX All beds have a special L-shaped top sheet, which reaches up to armpit level on women and waist level on men. // Women who have just finished a steamy lovemaking session always lie back and pull the sheets up to their necks.
SHOPPING Every set of grocery bags contains at least one baguette sticking out of the top.
SPORTS In any sports movie, a player on the field can look up into a crowd and immediately spot their loved ones.
SWORDPLAY During a duel, the hero will jump onto a table that raises him above the villain, who will swipe at the hero's legs, which the hero avoids by jumping over the blade.
TRAFFIC When a character has to cross the street, he or she can always cross immediately. If he or she jogs across, it is in order to miss the one car that drives by after they cross.
VILLAINS No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still get up. Therefore, always make sure to leave his gun in or near his hand after you've killed him and you turn away to comfort the girl. // Whenever a villain has captured the hero, he will take five minutes to tell the hero every detail of his plan to rule the earth. // The bad guy, instead of simply offing the captured good guy on the spot, will devise some sort of drawn-out, fiendishly clever method of execution.
WAR You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
WEAPONS The first shot by a bad guy always misses. // When the villain runs out of bullets, he throws away his gun. // If the good guy is driving, he simply ducks a little to avoid bullets. // Shots fired at guys hiding around corners always strike the edge of the building at eye level.
WOMEN Women fight by pulling hair, falling to the ground together and rolling around.
WOOD No matter how thin, it's a safe shield against bullets.
JAPANESE TRASH TV
You have seen Jackass and Crocodile Hunter, but you haven't seen anything like the best of Japanese TV strangeness. It's a circus of gross-outs, psychos, tits and masochists. The Japanese government has cracked down on the most-sadistic game shows, and many of the variety programs stocked with giggling, topless cuties have been canceled. But some of the most outrageous scenes have been preserved in underground video compilations such as Japanarama: Psycho TV From Japan. (Scene from Super Jockey)
For years, popular Japanese game shows have showcased contestants willing to suffer minor tortures in pursuit of prizes or fleeting Scene from Super Jockeyfame. The popular Sunday afternoon program Super Jockey invites bikini-clad spokesmodels to sit in tubs of scalding water for free advertising time. On since-forgotten variety shows, the producers speed along an endurance contest by squeezing juice into the contestants' eyes and throats. Two beefy guys use their heads as stoppers while pushing a bowling ball to each other over an A-frame incline. A team of men — including a masochist who rubs his rump against the hot tailpipe of a car — compete to see who can best sully their undershorts. The comedy team Downtown ties a man down, naked but for a pair of boxers, and covers him with butter before releasing the hounds to lick him silly. The producers of Susunu Denpa Shonen lock a naked comedian in a one-room flat with no subsistence but for whatever prizes he can win in magazine competitions. He lasts 15 months. Some of the programs prefer psychological torture. London Hearts includes a segment called "The Stinger." A guy telephones his girlfriend to break a date at the last minute, then watches via hidden cameras as a handsome actor attempts to seduce her immediately after she takes the call. The kicker: The boyfriend observes the action while sitting in the Stinger's apartment and listening to the host analyze the woman's every move. For the finale, the camera pans to the door as the Stinger arrives home alone or with the cheating heart on his arm.Where there is pain, there must be pleasure.On Break, women wearing bikinis compete in such future Olympic sports as tricycle racing,jumping to touch a horizontal bar with their heads and performing push-ups over a camera pit.The money shot comes when each competitor,exhausted,collapses with her breasts against the glass. The contestants' efforts are replayed in slow motion while a panel of B-grade celebrity judges make appreciative remarks.The women who lose are subjected to humiliations such as the face-distorting, balloon inflated inside a stocking on your head until it pops torture. In another segment, six women play shy while enjoying a nude soak in a hot tub.The host Happy camper asks a trivia question;to answer,the women must stretch to reach the buzzer,revealing their breasts. (Happy camper)
This concept is almost as simple as inviting American strippers to share their silicone with astonished Japanese men, as occurred in a prime-time special about the "wonders of the world." On Robamin, Chichi Dasu Mimi ("Tit-Baring Mimi") appears live and unannounced at noodle stands and gambling halls wearing a space-age metal bikini. She presents the weather, then releases the hinged cups covering her breasts. A moment later the cheek plates fly from her ass. The men laugh and clap. The forecast, at the moment, is sunny. You can see more photos online, or order the videos from their creator.
FAVORITE MOPAR
by Christopher Napolitano
I got the need for speed. There's nothing like the feel of Detroit steel. I'm a Mopar Man, pal. Long before Lee Iacocca, the biggest names at Chrysler were Plymouth Road Runner and Dodge Charger. In the late Sixties and early Seventies, these prom killers prowled the streets of suburbia with a predatory rumble. The 1992 video Favorite Mopar (Wild Motor Films) is a perfect introduction to these classics and the cult of Mopar, which is the generic term for Chrysler, Dodge and Plymouth automobiles and performance parts. The video was filmed at a Mopar show at Raceway Park, Englishtown, New Jersey. Original cars, rare muscle cars, drag cars and show cars are on display and compete in drag races. It's a blast; the cars are intense. Sean O'Leary, the track's announcer, calls it an awesome event. Spittle forms at the corners of his mouth as he breathlessly explains Mopar history: When Ford and GM were building high-revving small block engines (the glory days were from the mid-Sixties to 1974, when air-pollution controls sucked the horses and the fun from U.S. autos), Chrysler was building 4000-pound iron big blocks. And Mopar cars were cheaper than Mustangs and Corvettes. Remember the 440-cubic-inch motors (go along with me here)? Or the 383, 340 four barrel, or 426 Hemi motor? If you doubt the power of these engines, go down to your corner garage, tell the mechanics you inherited your grandma's Belvedere with only 10,000 miles on its 440 and watch them snap to attention. Back to the tape. O'Leary notes that Mopar fans from as far away as England and Japan are in attendance. Classy. "You will not find a crowd that will go crazy like the Mopar crowd will," he says. "Rock 'n roll, drag racing, high horsepower, cruisin'; that's what Mopar and Chrysler are all about." Indeed, the Dick Dale-ish surf guitar soundtrack is most excellent. But it's the visuals that will make you watch this tape over and over. The original Hot Rods and Tough Stuff are here: '69 Road Runners with air foils — the fastest street car of its day (just don't try to turn corners with it); Hemi Chargers; Barracudas and Hemicudas; Super Bees; Coronets; Furys; Satellites and, my personal favorite, Dodge Dart Swingers. I recently sold my '72 Dart Swinger to a mechanic way out on Long Island. It had a tiny racing steering wheel, aluminum mag wheels (the rear wheel wells had been customized to fit 14 inch tires), adjustable air shocks, dual exhaust with two glas-pack mufflers, and it was painted mat black. The shit was bad — it was so loud, the vibrations would set off car alarms when I drove down the street. It terrified my wife — and scared the hell out of Chip (wimp). Anyway. A drop-top 426 Challenger bought in 1970 for $5000 sold for $125,000. In the words of O'Leary, "That makes Picasso look sick." (This from a guy who, when asked what his favorite Mopar was, says, "That's a tougher question than `Do you love me?' ") After Chrysler's lean years, they got some cash and put out the Mopar catalog to rebuild and turn the old muscle car into high performance. The cars in the video look brand new — except that they have style that today's aerodynamic cars lack. ("When you hold a light up to a Jap car, all you see is a shadow but no lines. The design of my car looks like someone really cared," says one guy about his Charger, tears forming in his eyes.) Miss Mopar, in her skin-tight pink top, agrees. There's a rather boring interlude here with Big Daddy Don Garlits and Bill Golden talking about the old days and 3-9-1 gears. The thrill comes from the goosed up cars. They fuel up on 116 octane gasoline; their air-jammers are chromed out with eye-swivels. One guy shows off his 6-pack (6 carburetors) atop his engine; another argues that his '66 Charger (the Boss Hoss; pony cars have ponies under the hood but the Charger is all hosses) is rarer than a 'Vette: only 20,000 were made between '66 and '67. "Tell a 'Vette owner that, and they don't want to hear it," he says. These guys research the month and factory when the car was built. They rattle off their favorite cars with ease: a 1970 lemon twist Hemi-Road Runner with air-grabber, white bucket seats and a four speed or a curious yellow 'Cuda with spoilers, rear louvred windows, Raleigh wheels and dash, etc. Mopar had some wild colors — plum crazy, citron yella and green go. My favorite part of the flick is a section built around old TV commercials. A Plymouth Fury is blasting over sand, racing dune buggies. Another ad has, I believe, Playboy's November 1969 Playmate Claudia Jennings (Queen of the B-movies) at the wheel. I'll end this review with a call to action: Today, many politicians are pushing the bullshit program called the Clunker bill. That means that polluters such as Com Ed and other power companies get a $500 tax deduction for every pre-1974 car they decommission. (It's a better tax break than when they rebuild their own smoke stacks.) This is a shame! There are a lot of old beauties out there just waiting to be restored. If you've got a Mopar jones, subscribe to Mopar Muscle. Usually it has too many shots of the Dodge Viper, a car with real thoroughbred heritage, but it's still a fun read.
MUSICAL WATER MEMORIES
by Unknown
Besides being known for its beaches, my hometown of Grand Haven, Michigan is home to the "world's largest" musical fountain. When I was in the fourth grade, my family moved across town. From then on, I heard the fountain through my bedroom window at 9:45 p.m. each summer night. The musical program lasted 15 minutes, and then everyone went home. That's when you could hear the waves lapping again on Lake Michigan. Whenever a relative or guest came to town, we walked to see the Fountain. I seen the show at least 50 times, including every Fourth of July. It's located on a hillside across on one side of the channel that connects the Grand River with Lake Michigan. Spectators sit on the populated side of the channel on the grass, or in a set of observation bleachers. If you are a local, you sit in the grass in Bicentennial Park, on a blanket. Each show begins with a little blue flume of water and a baritone voice, "Welcome. I am the voice of the Musical Fountain" while the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey booms in the background. The program begins. Flutes of water shoots skyward, varying in color and height to correspond with the ebb and flow of that night's musical selections. The computerized synchronization must have created a stir when the Fountain was completed in 1963. Residents had raised the funds and moved about 50,000 yards of sand from the dunes to make room. City officials immediately began boasting that theirs was the largest musical fountain. When I was 17 and an intern at the local paper, I heard a rumor that there was a larger fountain in Germany. But I'd seen how much everyone loved the Fountain and so I didn't ask too many questions. A few years ago, I bought The Official Musical Fountain Souvenir Book, published in 1965, at a garage sale for a nickel. Its author apologizes to the reader for his poor attempt to "capture some of the fountain's infinite variety of color and form." He notes that recalling the "enchantment" of the Fountain in print is "like recalling 'Swan Lake' just from seeing colored pictures of the dancers. But it is the best we can offer." The writer continues, "the Fountain responds so subtly, so delicately, so beautifully to the changes in musical mood and tempo that most observers have but one thought to express their awe: 'Why, it's almost human!' " I had that thought sometimes. The Fountain draws 40,000 gallons of water for each performance, or enough to fill 800 bathtubs. It's pumped from the river to a 12-inch-deep basin. It's then pumped through a 16-inch main at the rate of 4000 gallons per minute (a garden hose delivers about 10 gallons per minute). Eight thousand feet of pipe, 300 valves and 1300 nozzles are used to shoot the water 100 feet into the air. The equivalent of a thousand 100-watt bulbs illuminate the flumes. The programs were initially coordinated by computer punch cards. They allowed for 1,875,352,500,000,000 variations that would take 20 million years to perform. The Fountain typically plays classical music and big band tunes. But I remember waiting each summer for the night it interpreted the Beatles. (Once I even heard the strains of Led Zeppelin and I thought I was losing it.) You haven't lived until you've seen a giant colored water fountain perform an interpretation of A Day in the Life. Following the crescendo, there's that pause, and then the Fountain shuts off and the wall of orange water drops back into the basin with a crash. When I was in college, my friend's little brother's summer job was to row across the river each night to start the Fountain. He always said he'd take me but I guess he forgot. I wonder how he started it, whether it was a big switch. He had to sit there until the show was over and then row back. I saw the bowels of the Fountain in elementary school during a field trip, but it was during the day and just looked like a big heating coil. It must have been in the winter, because there was no water in the basin. The Musical Fountain was a huge part of my growing up. When you heard the Fountain kick in on Memorial Day, you knew summer had arrived. The Fountain was always there at 9:45, like a lullaby. Now I've moved too far away to hear the Fountain or the lap lap lap of the waves. I remember dancing with my first girlfriend on the picnic tables at the beach, and the lake breeze on the back of my neck, and the music sneaking along the shore, and I kissed her. I was happy.
MORE MUSICAL FOUNTAINS
According to The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste, one of the first American musical fountains was the Waltzing Waters near Fort Myers, Florida. The Fountain is located inside an auditorium. The voice that begins the show is described as "breathless, bordering on hysteria" as it announces, "Get ready to tap your feet, as we all get hooked on the classics!" The program begins with classical music, proceeds to populist fare such as the theme from Entertainment Tonight, and finishes with a patriotic flourish. The first musical fountains were created in Berlin in the early Thirties by Otto Przystawik (his grandson now runs the company in Missouri). The original set-up had a guy playing the sprinklers and an orchestra playing the music. A conductor dressed in white would pretend to direct the flumes. Today the "liquid fireworks" are operated by computer. There are indoor and outdoor fountains in many parts of the world, including Branson, Missouri, Gatlinburg, Tennessee, Strasburg, Pennsylvania and Newtonmore, Scotland.
HOW TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY
This issue of the Closet Cleaner is late because I had jury duty. It sucked. I spent three days waiting to be selected, and then I was selected. The trial lasted five days, and it was bullshit: Guy uses a fake silver pistol to rob a fast food joint of $127, and while robbing it, the grips on his gun fall off. He's arrested a few blocks away with the stolen cash in his pocket (including 50 one-dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band) and a silver pistol WITH NO GRIPS! No waaaay! He didn't wear a mask, so three employees got a good look at him, including the clerk who gave up the money, and when she's asked if the man who robbed her is in the courtroom, she looks at each of us in the jury, then at the prosecutor, then at the defense attorney, then at the judge, and then the defendant, and she starts sobbing! We went to recess, even though I never understood why they called it that, because all we did was sit in a room and read old magazines. No milk, no touch football, no overweight lunch ladies telling us to get the hell out of the street. The trial was spent establishing things like, yes, the grips fit the gun, and the guy ran when the cops approached him, and he had a sweaty black T-shirt with white lettering and a black baseball cap with white lettering in the gym bag he used to slug the pursuing officer, and that's EXACTLY WHAT THE ROBBER WAS WEARING. The defense attorney then tries to plant some reasonable doubt by noting that a witness told one of his investigators that the robber was wearing a white shirt. But it wasn't enough to convince me, and good thing too because I learn after the trial that the guy also had robbed the same joint a week before, and he was wearing a white shirt, and that's why the worker became confused. I guess when you get held up that often, it's easy to get confused. Anyway, after all that, I was chosen as an alternate, so I didn't get to deliberate. It took my colleagues about 40 minutes to find the guy guilty. Initially I was proud to be selected to serve — doing my civic duty and all that. But by the time it was over, I was disillusioned. Because there are relatively few residents in Washington for all the crimes committed here, you're guaranteed to be called back every two years. The next time, I'm going to have a list of excuses ready so I can be excused. People are shameless about it, anyway. Every time the judge asked the prospective jurors a question such as "Does anyone here have any religious reasons that they can't serve?" this woman next to me would think a second, then go, "Oh, I do!" and raise her hand. Here's my list, in case you get called and need to demonstrate your inability to render a fair and impartial judgment. Wait until the judge calls you to the bench to discuss your situation before you blurt any of these out, so the other commoners won't steal your material:
* I can tell if people are guilty by looking at them.
* I'm attracted to you, your honor.
* If a police officer told me I was a bug, I would believe him.
* Is it murder if I haven't been caught?
* My religion prohibits me from sitting near other people.
* Would I have to bathe?
* Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?
* Laws are for sissies.
* Your marshall's handcuffs are turning me on.
* I'm allergic to justice.
* A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
* I have Tourette's Syndrome, you fucking asshole.
* I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
* Have you ever done this, your honor? (Chop off your ear with a razor).
IN THE NEWS
In Athens, Georgia, a judge sentenced a juror to two days in jail. In order to get out of jury duty, she had someone phone the courthouse to say her father had died. The suspicious judge sent an investigator to find the father, who was very much alive at a local trailer park.
In Memphis, defense attorney Leslie Ballin called one group of citizens the "jury pool from hell." One potential juror admitted he was arrested after he "almost shot" his nephew because the boy wouldn't come out from under his bed. Another said, "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite" and walked out. A third said he was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop posing as a hooker. "I should have known something was up," he said, since "she had all her teeth." After a jury had been selected, Ballin's client was found not guilty.
VISITOR FEEDBACK
From David Letterman (reading from his second Top Ten book):
Here are other ways to get out of jury duty: (1) Keep saying very loudly, "Hey, who's frying baloney?" (2) Say you're looking forward to hearing judge sing — like on Cop Rock. (3) Ask if there will be opportunities to examine bloody undershirts. (4) Tell them you've already done jury duty on Matlock.
From Joe Huffman:
"The voices in my head told me it was a good day to clean my guns." I thought of that after I had left the judge's chambers. We convicted the guy yesterday. If I had known about all the things we weren't allowed to hear, I probably would have held out for acquittal or a mistrial. The judge would not let the accused put up the defense he wanted. The defendant would have said, "Yes, I did take my kids and left the state without telling my ex-wife where we were, but she has been beating them, here are the police reports, here are the witnesses to the beatings, I did what I had to do to protect my kids." The judge ruled that was hearsay and irrelevant. We didn't have a clue as to what his reasons were. I'm not at all sure justice was done, and I was part of it. That sucks.
From Sue Simpson:
I have been searching the Internet for days trying to find a bonafide reason to get out of jury duty. I was disappointed with your article because I can't use any of them. Since you went through the whole stinking process, you can understand why I am trying to get out of it. I even sent a letter stating that I would make a rotten juror because I hate drunk drivers and people who don't pay their bills. I told them I couldn't find a babysitter who could take care of my children who have severe allergies and asthma and require medication and breathing treatments. Forget the fact that I can't be out of my two-year-old daughter's sight for two minutes (including the bathroom) because she has a fit and holds her breath and passes out. The judge told me to find a sitter. I can't believe that people leave their children with child-care providers who watch 15 kids in a 12 by 12 basement with no windows and cement floors. I am sooooo serious. Why should I leave my kids in a basement? Well, they say, maybe you have a relative who will help out. Forget it. My mother is a manic depressive-obsessive compulsive alcoholic who talks on the phone every day for four hours to a radio announcer because they can't get together in person for fear of sexual arousal. My mother watched my kids the other day when I had a migraine and was puking all night and she didn't come to visit for a week after that. Plus we have a home business that I have to run. This is all true and I still can't get out of jury duty. I have to call them every night after 5 p.m. I can't make any appointments because I might have to serve. So I called and asked if I could be excused if I had a note from my doctor and they said it depends on what the note says. My doctor will write the note tomorrow but I don't know what to tell him to write.
From Anonymous:
I have to go see if they choose me for a jury today. The "I can tell by looking at them if they're guilty has worked twice for me allready." I'm stuck and in need of a new plan. My wife was drug to the ground in a robbery, mentally maimed for life her ankle permanently messed up. She won't go to anywhere without me there now and they plea-bargained her case. The guy was never charged. Now they want me to go and serve so someone else gets justice. I can't say its gonna happen. I got a hour to come up with a good excuse so when I do I will give it to you, if it don't get me arrested.
I am looking for ways to be selected for juty duty. Honest. I've been called a couple of times but not selected because (I suppose) I was a city firefighter, I am a former car mechanic and well-acquainted with cars, I am a veteran, and I don't believe the police make mistakes, All judgments are paid by the taxpayer or consumer, I pretty much hate everybody and want to cause as much misery as I can. So why can't I be selected?
BLONDE/POLICEMAN
One time there was a blonde and she was driving in her brand new corvette and she got pulled over from going to fast. So the police officer told her to please get out of the car and she did. then he drew a circle on the road and said stand in this circle and do not get out of it.So he turns around and pops her tires and she starts to laugh. Then he turns around and he smashes all of her windows and the blonde started laughing even harder. So he turns around and dents all of her doors and the blonde starts laughing hysterically and the police officer turned around and he said why are you laughing I just totaled your car. And the blonde says all the times you turned around I stepped out of the circle.
BUYING A TV
A blond walks in two a store and says,"I want to buy this tv" and the clerk says," No blonds allowed in my store." So she goes home and dyes here hair green and goes back and says, "I want to buy this tv" the clerk again says, "No blonds in my store." So the blond goes home and dyes here hair purple then she goes back to the store and says, "I want to but this tv" well the clerk again says,"no blonds allowed in my store." The blond, which is now purple, says,"Iim not a blond" and the clerk says, "then why are you asking for a tv and holding a microwave?"
YOU'VE GOT MAIL
This guy lived next door to a blond. One day he saw her come out and check her mail, when she had saw there was nothing in her mailbox,she stormed off. The next day he was mowing his grass and saw her come out again, she checked her mail and stormed off , she looked even more mad then the day before. The next day he decided to go ask her whats wrong. so he went and rang her doorbell and said 'excuse me miss, why are you so mad?'..she replied..'my computer keeps on saying "you've got mail"
THE MEANING OF PANDA
A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter. The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!" the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?" "Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda." "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar. The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition: PANDA: 1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.
A WOMAN'S RENT MONEY
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems. She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to." The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead. So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine." The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars. Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has 3,000 dollars. Deciding thats enough she heads for home. On her way she meets a bum in an alley and decides to have a little fun. So she tells the bum that she will bet her 3,000 dollars against his bottle of booze that she can tell him a ryhme to wich he cant come up with a reply. The bum figures what the heck and says "your on" Six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine, I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine. The bum sits back, thinks for a minute and says "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine, I can piss in yours but you can't piss in mine!!"
STATE OF THE ART WATCH
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "Oh really? What's it telling you now?" she inquires. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!" And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast!"
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE A 'DRINKING PROBLEM'
You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think not! Two hands and just one mouth ... now THAT'S a drinking problem! The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. Every woman you see has an exact twin. You fall off the floor. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger -- forget dinner! The glass keeps missing your mouth. Bill Clinton starts to make sense. Mosquitoes catch a buzz* after biting you. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in. "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol." You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store. "BeerTender! Get me another Bar!"
TURNAROUND IS FAIR PLAY
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"
WHO NEEDS WOMEN
A man walks into the bar and orders 2 shots of whiskey and the man drinks one and pours the other shot in his hand, the man did this 3 times before the bartender finally asks him ----why is it you drink 1 shot and pour the other in your hand. The man replies, I'm getting my girl friend drunk!
MEASURING MONKEY
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks. "Now what?", responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"
SINGING FROG
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy." "Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."
SOTALLY TOBER
starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peep I don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the longer I get Just give me one more drink to fill me cup 'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up
I'M CURED
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place. The bar tender freaks out. "You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I'll beat the shit out of you..." The man begins crying. "I'm sorry! Its ruining my life. I can't sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It's worrying me to death, please don't hit me..." The bar tender takes pity. "Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist,here's his card, why don't you see him?" The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank yous... Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Okay, here you go... Wait! Weren't you that guy who.." "Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely cured." "Well, that's great. This beer is on the house." So the man drinks the beer, stands on the bar, drops his trousers and pisses on the bar. "You bastard! I thought you said you were cured!" "I am! It doesn't bother me anymore..."
GIVING THE TROOPS BAD NEWS
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
PICKUP LINES GALORE
I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.
(Lick finger and wipe on shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
Nice legs....what time do they open?
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
You've got 206 bones in your body, want 1 more?
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a BIG BREASTED BED THRASHER, have you seen one?
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest women on earth tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
Is that a ladder in you stockings or the stairway to heaven?
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
My friend wants to know if YOU think I'm cute?
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are
obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have
multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are
paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are
schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are
depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are
delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
GROUP THEROPY
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy."He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy."At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."
GUILTY & DEPRESSED
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.""I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.""For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
MEMORY CLINIC
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
MONSTERS UNDER THE BED
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
THE PSYCHOLOGIST & THE GENIE
A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him."For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California."The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask.""OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!"The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did you want two lanes or four?"
My Dad 1947 - 1979 ,"May He Rest In Peace"
A close friend of mine wrote the poem above
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Ya it's there,,for them boring nights ,,xD
View My MySpace page in 3B!
This one is of myself..G had a woman come out on mine ,,lol.
My Daughter Courtney Ann Hurlburt,age 16
My youngest son Chayne River Hurlburt,age 7
My oldest son Wayne Ronald Hurlburt III,age 15
This is my sister, Theresa. In Memory of her."1965-2005".May she be a peaceful place.
Create Your Own
WARBLING WHALES HAVE A LANGUAGE OF THEIR OWN
The songs of the humpback whale are among the most complex in the animal kingdom. Researchers have now mathematically confirmed that whales have their own syntax that uses sound units to build phrases that can be combined to form songs that last for hours. Until now, only humans have demonstrated the ability to use such a hierarchical structure of communication. The research, published online in the March 2006 issue of the Journal of the Acoustical Society of America, offers a new approach to studying animal communication, although the authors do not claim that humpback whale songs meet the linguistic rigor necessary for a true language. “Humpback songs are not like human language, but elements of language are seen in their songs.†Ryuji Suzuki "Humpback songs are not like human language, but elements of language are seen in their songs," said Ryuji Suzuki, a Howard Hughes Medical Institute (HHMI) predoctoral fellow in neuroscience at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and first author of the paper.
(click image to hear "Songs of the humpback whales", recorded in Hawaii.
With limited sight and sense of smell in water, marine mammals are more dependent on sound—which travels four times faster in water than air—to communicate. For six months each year, all male humpback whales in a population sing the same song during mating season. Thought to attract females, the song evolves over time. Suzuki and co-authors John Buck and Peter Tyack applied the tools of information theory—a mathematical study of data encoding and transmission—to analyze the complex patterns of moans, cries, and chirps in the whales' songs for clues to the information being conveyed. Buck is an electrical engineer who specializes in signal processing and underwater acoustics at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, and Tyack is a biologist at Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts. Suzuki, who began the project as an electrical engineering undergraduate at the University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth, worked with Buck and Tyack to develop a computer program to break down the elements of the whale's song and assign an abstract symbol to each of those elements. Suzuki wanted to see if he could design a computer program that enabled scientists to classify the structure of the whales' songs. He used the program to analyze structural characteristics of the humpback songs recorded in Hawaii. To measure a song's complexity, Suzuki analyzed the average amount of information conveyed per symbol. He then asked human observers who had no previous knowledge of the structure of the whale songs to classify them in terms of complexity, redundancy, and predictability. The computer-generated model and the human observers agreed that the songs are hierarchical, confirming a theory first proposed by biologists Roger Payne and Scott McVay in 1971. Suzuki said that information theory also enabled the researchers to determine how much information can be conveyed in a whale song. Despite the "human-like" use of hierarchical syntax to communicate, Suzuki and his colleagues found that whale songs convey less than one bit of information per second. By comparison, humans speaking English generate 10 bits of information for each word spoken. "Although whale song is nothing like human language, I wouldn't be surprised if some marine mammals have the ability to communicate in a complex way," said Suzuki. "Given that the underwater environment is very different from our world, it is not surprising that they would communicate in rather a different way from land mammals." The structure of the humpback whale song is repetitive and rigid. The whales repeat unique phrases made up of short and long segments to craft a song. There are multiple layers, or scales, of repetition, denoted as periodicities. One scale is made up of six units, while a longer one consists of 180-400 units. The combined periodicities give the song its hierarchical structure. Suzuki compared his new technique for animal communication research with more traditional models, such as the first order Markov model that is used to analyze bird songs, which are often shorter and simpler in structure than humpback whale songs. The Markov model proved inadequate for the whale song's complex structure. Information theory, in contrast, proved perfect for analyzing humpback whale songs because it provided a quantitative analysis of the complexity and structure of the songs. "Information theory was the right choice because it allows one to study the structure of humpback songs without knowing what they mean," said Suzuki. "I hope that knowing the hierarchical structure in humpback songs will inform research in other fields, such as evolutionary biology," said Suzuki. The technique he developed is already being used by a postdoctoral fellow in Buck's laboratory to analyze recently recorded songs of humpback whales from Australia.
CANADA'S ANNUAL SEAL SLAUGHTER
Michael Werbowski Prague, Czech Republic March 14, 2007
An adult seal and pup resting on the ice. (Photo: David Boily / AFP-Getty Images)
Spring is approaching in the northern latitudes and one perennial event that Canadians pay little attention to domestically but gets lots of international media coverage is about to get underway: the annual mass slaughter of seals. This grotesque spectacle begins in an almost ritual fashion at the end of March. "Hunters" club the seal pups to death then strip off the pelts with mundane efficiency. This is not nearly as deplorable though as the near absolute absence of a national public debate over the morality of the hunt. The silence across the land is deafening. The issue appears too hot to address in the "people's" House of Commons, and few if any politicians wish to take a public position on it. As if swept under the ice floes for far too long, the images of wholesale gore, splattered blood on ice banks, have evoked disgust and outrage throughout the civilized world. The barbaric primitiveness of the hunt-slaughter, or cull, contrasts jarringly with the "nice guy" image Canada wishes to project abroad. Not long ago, I attended the D.C. environmental film festival and after a screening at the Canadian Embassy in Washington, D.C., a high-ranking diplomat invited me to chat with him over coffee. Beforehand, he graciously gave me a tour of the impressive building. I noticed the images of seals on paintings and Inuit sculptures and carvings that adorned the walls. This near reverence of these sea mammals and their beauty depicted so stunningly in art form, seemed in sharp contrast and in total contradiction to the reality of the seal slaughter taking place off the coast of Newfoundland. Right now, the P.R. machinery is working overtime to deflect and stifle worldwide criticism of the seal hunt. Canadian diplomats and officials in Ottawa are busy sparring with the European Union parliament, which has denounced the hunt. Aside from the usual invective exchanges between activists worldwide and the minister of fisheries and oceans in Ottawa, the usual barrage of embassy press releases that depict the hunt as "humane" and crucial to the well-being of local communities is underway. Yet how can Canada continue to preach and peddle its green image internationally and still carry out the mass slaughter of seals? Scientists of dubious credentials are hired by government bureaucrats to issue studies justifying the annual butchery. Just what impact the sudden diminishment of the seal population over several weeks has on the overall ecosystem and its fauna is simply unknown. One does not need to be an expert in environmental studies to see that there is an impact and not only on the seal population but also other species such as their predators, the endangered polar bears. Furthermore, those who advocate the seal hunt have yet to produce a comprehensive report about the impact of global warming on the seal population as a whole. Perhaps Ottawa will come up with such a study soon. David Lavigne, a scientific advisor to the International Fund for Animal Welfare in Ottawa says, "Prudence would say you reduce the number of animals killed to allow these animals to have some chance in the face of global warming, which is contributing to high levels of pup mortality." But appeals by those opposed to the seal hunt fall on deaf ears and despite the perils of warming sea temperatures on the overall seal population the hunt goes on. Meanwhile, a mini trade war is brewing. It looks to be more than just a minor spat. Over a week ago, outraged by the seal hunt, the German minister of agriculture proposed to bring a bill in front of the Bundestag banning the importation of sealskins or any related products from Canada. Sure enough, as the ice beings to melt, Ottawa took immediate counter-measures. A Canadian member of parliament from Newfoundland, the province that benefits the most from the seal trade, now seeks to forbid the importation of German boar and dear meat. This diplomatic tit for tat is unlikely to stop the seal hunt. However, the issue is nevertheless a very hot one in Europe. Germany, as mentioned above, is considering a ban on seal products; Belgium has already banned them. And Britain is pushing for a European Union wide ban. In legitimate self-defense, Canada accused Germany of hypocrisy, saying basically that the killing or hunting of boars and deer is inhuman. Certainly one can argue that the annual systematic slaughter of the seals for pelts and meat is an industry based upon an economic imperative. The livelihoods of thousands of locals living in Newfoundland depend on it. However, the seal hunt is hardly a sustainable practice in the long term. If the hunt continues, at some point the seal population will be pushed to its limits (just like the cod stocks that were over fished and have now virtually collapsed) and a free fall decline. Hence, the economic reasoning that underpins this outdated practice is invalid, and furthermore, will eventually drive the seals and their predators closer toward extinction. The hunting of boars and deer on the other hand, just like the hunting of bears, elk, or moose (a common practice in Canada) is mostly a sporting activity in Germany. It's not an industry but more of a traditional pastime. This type of hunt is not mainly driven by monetary gain. Therefore, the killing is not as systematic a slaughter as the seal hunt. Moreover, as we all know, the border between the needed revenue for the hunters and the greed of the fur industry is a blurred one. Secondly, seal pups are bludgeoned to death and skinned alive. How "humane" is that? Shooting an animal or killing it with one blow seems like a much better way to go, as every self-respecting hunter well knows. According to Lavigne, a sustainable quota of 250,000 to 335,000 was set for last year's hunt. This year, however, it may be more. The upcoming slaughter will do incalculable damage to Canada's international image, and the proposed European Union wide ban—even the mere hint of one—will likely deal a heavy economic blow to this unnecessary slaughter.
UNDERWATER ADVENTURE:CAVE DIVERS FACE DEATH DEEP BENEATH THE SURFACE
Extreme Fraternity of Explorers Attempts to Bring Back the Body of One of Its Own
Drowning In the Desert -- Cave Divers Attempt Daring Rescue. A group of extreme explorers face darkness and death nearly 1,000 feet below the surface of a desert water hole as they attempt the deepest underwater body recovery in history.
By JAY SCHADLER
March 19, 2007 — Bushman's Hole, on the edge of the Kalahari Desert in South Africa, is one of the strangest places on Earth. It's a prehistoric crater on an otherwise endless track of desert, and for an elite but extreme fraternity of explorers, what happened there is the stuff of myth and legend. The terrible beauty of the place can't be seen from the air, or even the ground. But if you trace the walls down, you reach a tiny pool covered in algae. Keep going, through a narrow shaft running for another 150 feet, and finally it all opens into a vast freshwater cavern tall enough to hold the Eiffel Tower, and deep enough — nearly 1,000 feet — to mesmerize the most experienced, technical cave divers in the world.
Unprecedented Underwater Dive. The diving cave known as Bushman's Hole is a place of risk-taking and heartbreak. More people have walked on the moon than braved its depths, and 10 years ago, one young diver never returned. Now a diving team is attempting to recover his body, but not everyone will make it back from this trip alive, either.
Don Shirley is one of only a handful of divers who has "gone deep" at Bushman's Hole. "It's hypnotic," said Shirley. "When you get permission to dive in a cave, as it were, the cave, it greets you, and you just want to go and explore." Verna Van Schaik holds the women's dive record there, and said that a good dive propels you to go even deeper. "That's the lure, that's the danger," she said. "You kind of are able to logic yourself into the fact that the risks probably aren't so real." The environment in Bushman's Hole is so alien that deep divers compare it to space walking: "Imagine floating," said Shirley. "So you've got no pull by gravity whatsoever… you're moving around in this cave and you can float up to a ceiling…you can float around corners. And if you couple that with silence, then there's absolutely zero noise. That's a magic experience … It is a different world." Bushman's Hole is the kind of world a young man with a thirst for thrills might love. Theo Dreyer still remembers the day, 10 years ago, when his son Deon was invited by the South African Cave Diving Association to join them as a support diver at Bushman's Hole. Deon Dryer only had two years of diving experience, but it promised to be the thrill of a lifetime. "They wanted to go deep," said Theo Dreyer. "So [Deon] got invited along to do backup for the guys… He said 'Dad, this is an honor being asked to do this.'" 'He's Gone Down Too Far' Exactly what happened on that dive, 10 years ago, is unknown. The dive team reported that while coming back up they looked down and saw Deon Dryer's cave light fading, sinking back into the abyss. Theo Dreyer said the rest of the group tried a rescue, "but it was futile, he'd gone down too far." There's a local legend that a man-eating serpent lives at the bottom of Bushman's Hole, but what likely killed Deon Dreyer was something more prosaic, and poisonous. When a cave diver breathes too heavily at extreme depths — as an inexperienced diver like Deon Dryer might — carbon dioxide can build up in the lungs, resulting in a blackout. Deon Dryer never came back from Bushman's Hole. "The average person, when they pass along, gets buried in a tomb…and there's somewhere you can go where there's a living memory…and you can go share some thoughts," said Theo Dryer. "We didn't have that. I mean, there was no body. There was nothing." A Discovery in the Deep The memory of Deon Dreyer faded, but Bushman's Hole remained a bright jewel, luring some of the best cave divers in the world. Among them was Dave Shaw. Ten years after Deon Dryer's death, in October 2004, Shaw undertook a kind of dive never attempted at Bushman's Hole. Shirley explained that most world records for diving are what he calls "soap on a rope," — where divers descend quickly and come right back up again. But Shaw dove nearly 900 feet, and he attempted a few minutes of unprecedented exploration at the bottom. "Nobody swims at depth," said Van Schaik. "It's just not done. They'll say you are stupid to swim at depth. But this was proper exploration…it was brand new." When Shaw reached 800 feet, the air mixture in his air tanks began to produce narcosis —what divers call "rapture of the deep." "It's the effect of the nitrogen in the air that you breathe," said Van Schaik. "And it basically is equivalent to being drunk. So you lose your ability to mentally process…and you lose your coordination." At 876 feet, Shaw reached the cave floor, and did something no deep cave diver has ever done before: he moved away from his main line, cautiously exploring a previously unseen world, where he discovered something he did not expect. It was the body of Deon Dreyer. "When I discovered Deon, he was lying on his back," said Shaw. "Hand flat, with his arms floating, due to the buoyancy of his wet suit that he was wearing. He still had his mask in place, but the body, part of the body that I could see, had no flesh on it." Unable to pry the body from the silt, Shaw marked its location with a feeder line, and began a lonely, slow journey back to the top, carrying with him the strange news of his discovery. Recovering the Remains After 10 hours underwater, Shaw emerged from Bushman's Hole. He was hardly out of his wet suit when he passed news of the discovery to Deon Dryer's parents, Theo and Marie. Theo Dryer said that at that moment he was shocked. "It takes a while to sink in. … it's unreal." Shaw then made an amazing proposition: He offered to go back down and try to bring back Deon Dryer's body. "I'd come to accept that Deon would never be recovered," Theo Dryer said. "So you get comfortable with the idea. Now all of a sudden, they offer… to recover Deon…[and] there's doubt. Should I leave him there? He's happy there. Or should we recover? But then, yes, we went for the recovery." Van Schaik said that Shaw and Shirley were the perfect team to attempt the rescue. "They created the perfect team. I think Dave had the drive and the ambition, and Don had the know-how and expertise and his own ambition. Um, but together they were able to… you know, to conquer this." An Unprecedented Rescue Attempt Shaw and Shirley were attempting the deepest underwater body recovery in history, and South African film producer Gordon Hiles thought it would be a good opportunity for a one-of-a-kind documentary film. Hiles said that "the number of people who have dived deeper than 250 meters, that, that number is smaller than the amount of people who have actually walked on the moon." In the weeks after the discovery of Deon Dreyer's body, events moved swiftly. Shaw and Shirley developed a complex dive plan that would require as many as nine different divers working at varying depths. The big question was how to bring the body to the surface. "The best response I got was, there could be some soft tissue still but mainly [it will] be a skeleton," said Shirley. "And because of that, we were worried about the body falling apart literally, as it was coming up, and that's where the bag idea came from…" Ann Shaw, Dave's wife, sewed a body bag that would be used to carry Deon Dryer's body. Most of the equipment being readied for the dive was familiar to both Shaw and Shirley, but Shaw's helmet camera — designed by Hiles — was new and untried. Two days before the final dive, the full team began assembling at Bushman's Hole, each member with a specific duty. Shaw would go the deepest and retrieve the body.
JESUS MIGHT BE ALIVE AND WELL IN HOUSTON
Jose de Jesus Drinks, Smokes and Claims to He's the Second Coming
By JIM AVILA
Jose de Jesus claims to be the second coming of Jesus Christ. He has a growing ministry in many different countries, and many children are being raised as his followers.
March 6, 2007— A few weeks ago, in a tattoo parlor in the hip art deco district of Miami Beach, people were lining up to get "666" tattooed on their bodies, and then smiling through their pain. But these are not devil worshipers. They see themselves as devout followers of Jesus Christ. But the major difference that separates them from other Christians around the world is that the Jesus Christ they worship is alive and well — and living in the suburbs of Houston. These people belong to a new movement devoted to a man who calls himself the Second Coming of Jesus, and also claims the title of Antichrist, which to him is the next incarnation of Jesus on earth, not an evil being. To show their devotion, some followers ink themselves with "666." One follower said, "I just want to make sure it's visible, that everyone knows my life belongs to the man." Another said, "I want everyone to know I'm one of the antichrists." They and others like them are fervently devoted, some say fanatically, to a 60-year-old Puerto Rican whose legal name, to his pleasure, is Jose de Jesus, or "Jose of Jesus." He counts followers in more than 30 countries; some say they total more than a million. But where does this man, who claims to be God, live? Not where you might expect: He resides with his wife in a suburban community just outside Houston.
The Birth of 'Jesus'
When asked to explain who he is, de Jesus responds: "Jesus Christ, man, the second manifestation, the Second Coming of Christ." He acknowledges that "it bothers a lot of people" that he calls himself Jesus. De Jesus' beginning was anything but grand. Born in Puerto Rico, de Jesus grew up poor, living in government housing. He stole for a living to pay for his teenage heroin addiction and admits to eight felony charges that put him behind bars for nine months. Like many, de Jesus says he was born again in prison. From there he moved to the United States, where he became involved in church youth groups, and eventually a minister in Boston. But it was a vision, de Jesus says, that turned him from man of God to being God. "The same spirit that was in Jesus of Nazareth, and the same spirit is in me. He came to me. He [integrated] with my person in 1973." de Jesus says this happened when two angels came to him in a vision, and while he admits there's no real way for him to prove that he's Christ, he says his followers aren't asking for proof. "So you tell the millions of followers I have that … this guy is a liar. You know what are they going to say? Is that I prefer his lies than what religion gave me. I prefer, see because when they believe in what I teach, they activate angels in their life."
'Jesus Drank Wine Because He Didn't Have Dewar's'
His followers do seem happy. They greet him with mariachi bands at airports and often collapse in tears when they see him preach. But when he speaks to them, it is without theatrics. No holy rolling, no healing — it's a pretty straightforward lesson in the fundamentals of what he believes. And it's an upbeat, no-fault, sin-free message. This self-proclaimed Jesus does not believe in sin, hell, the devil or damnation of any kind. "Before the presence of God, there's no more sin," he says. And with no sin, de Jesus teaches his followers, there's no devil and no need for prayer, because after Jesus of Nazareth died and was resurrected, one can literally do no wrong in God's eyes. De Jesus says things like murder and theft are crimes, but not sins, and that people are punished for these crimes on earth. "Heaven doesn't have anything to do with your behavior," he says. And de Jesus practices what he preaches: He loves women and has been married twice. He smokes cigarettes and while enjoying a glass of scotch, he says, "Jesus drank wine because he didn't have Dewar's." De Jesus doesn't mind that his ministry often gathers in the corner tavern. "Like my former, Jesus of Nazareth, he used to go to places like this and the religious people, they used to criticize him. … I'm just doing the same kind of thing." But he does draw the line: no drugs, and he says no getting drunk.
"Jesus never got drunk and I never get drunk. I enjoy life. I enjoy everything that I do."
'The Super Raza'
De Jesus has come a long way from Puerto Rico, and those rough times. Today his believers give money freely. And where does all the money go? Joane de Jesus, the daughter of the man called Jesus, is the official accountant for the ministry. She says, "What you see as luxuries are gifts that members have given him. They're just very grateful, and they want to give him gifts." There are no rules in de Jesus' church. Anything goes when you follow "Jesus of Suburbia." But he is serious about being the Second Coming of Christ. And along with his followers, he also has many detractors. Some who think he's the devil incarnate and others who think he's just a charlatan and a con man. One of the things that makes him so hated, so controversial, is that he preaches the Catholic Church is evil, and his followers burn pictures of the pope and hold protests outside churches. And what about the children who grow up in his movement believing that Jesus is alive and well? He calls them the "super raza" or the super race, because they are being brought up pure and with no stain of false religion on them. The de Jesus ministry is growing, with big followings in Venezuela, Columbia, even Cuba, and the man who believes he is the Second Coming of Christ is now turning his attention to America. "Miami is the bridge for all nations," he said. "That's where Hispanics are, and then eventually I'm going to find a lot of beautiful English-speaking people who will want to believe in me and I'm going to have millions of them."
Associate Producer Caroline Borge contributed to this report.
A RARE DISORDER: STRETCHY SKIN
Medical Mystery Weakens the Joints, Stretches the Skin and Causes Constant Pain
By JAY SCHADLER
Garry "Stretch" Turner has a rare genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome that weakens his joints, his blood vessels and his skin, making it incredibly thin and stretchy. He performs as part of a touring extravaganza in England called the "Circus of Horrors." (Siobhan Nolan/ABCNews)
Jan. 23, 2007 — Norwich, England, is home to rolling rivers, quaint streets and old churches, so it might be surprising to learn that it's also home to the Circus of Horrors. From the bearded lady to the elephant man, mysterious medical conditions have a long history of attracting audiences to a circus tent. And those days have not disappeared. The crowd lining up in a theater lobby for tonight's performance proves the "freak show" is not a thing of the past. The Circus of Horrors is a touring extravaganza, packing the house wherever it goes. It features everything people don't want to see but can't stop looking at. The show includes all sorts of characters with all sorts of body piercings and tattoos. But the star of this show is 37-year-old Garry "Stretch" Turner, and his wild skin-stretching act.
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
Turner suffers from an extreme case of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that can severely weaken a person's joints, blood vessels and in Turner's case, skin. The disorder, which most commonly attacks a person's joints, affects about one in 10,000 people. However, the odds of Turner's special variety of the disease are astronomical. The skin on Turner's body is truly elastic. "If [you] … look at your own skin cells under a microscope, they'd be nice and round and lock in many places. … But my skin cells tend to be more jagged, and don't fit together quite so well," he said. "The best way to describe it is I'm built rather like a badly woven basket, if you can imagine that, which will pull apart." Normal human body cells are held together by a kind of chemical glue called collagen, which keeps them tightly bound. But the collagen of someone with EDS is misshapen and loose, which, in the most extreme and rare circumstances, produces skin like Turner's.
Paper Thin Skin
Backstage at the Circus of Horrors, Turner demonstrates how the skin on parts of his body can be pulled away. "There's areas of skin, like on the belly, for instance, that will stretch a lot further," he said. "It's actually twice as thin as regular skin," he continued. "Although you wouldn't believe it to look at it … it is actually quite paper thin." Turner's condition was obvious from the day he was born. "The midwife said that I had very loose skin, and that was the only clue [my mother] remembers … I had loose skin." Growing up, Turner loved sports, but injuries were constant until his condition was diagnosed at age 13. "I used to get horrendous bruising when I used to take a knock, and a blood vessel would burst," he said. "The blood would just keep pumping and pumping, and there's no tension in the skin to hold the bleeding. The physicians just thought I was a hemophiliac."
'I Love the Stage'
Turner doesn't feel exploited by the circus. "Not at all," he said. "I feel that it is my choice, and that feeling of making a thousand people laugh at the same time is a great feeling. So, for that reason alone, I love the stage. … I don't want people to feel any sorrow for me in any kind of way." Curiously, Turner said the one time he felt the sting of ridicule was when his rare case was being diagnosed, and doctors from across Great Britain came to peek and probe. "I remember seeing … some 80 physicians on one certain day … and that was kind of my first side show." Turner actively promotes the Circus of Horrors on British television, often accompanied by the circus ringmaster, who goes by the name "Dr. Haze." "If Garry had come to us and he had stretchy skin and he had no personality and he wasn't a good showman, we wouldn't have taken him," Haze said.
Living in Pain
When asked whether it hurt to stretch his skin, Turner said, "No, not at all." But that's not the same as living with constant pain. In the moments before showtime at the Circus of Horrors, the backstage dressing room is its own kind of circus. Amid all the activity, it would be easy to miss Turner applying a morphine patch. These small patches of a powerful painkiller are not used for his performance but for the searing pain he feels beneath that stretchy skin. Though Turner's skin has made him oddly famous, his joints command his agonizing attention. From the moment he wakes up, he's in pain. The EDS that loosens his skin also makes his joints excruciatingly frail, a condition common to many living with the ailment.
'This Is a Real Disorder'
More than 3,000 miles away, near Detroit, another person struggles with EDS as well, but he has to do it from a wheelchair. "I'm rarely walking around," said Dylan Keil. "I mean, the more I walk, the more I'm in pain." At 19 years old, Keil doesn't have Turner's stretchy skin, but his joints are so frail that he requires massive pain medication and lives mainly in his room, sometimes sleeping up to 40 hours in a row. It has made it impossible for him to attend school regularly. Both Keil and his mother, Cindy, have been diagnosed with EDS, though the son's condition is much more serious. Cindy and Dylan Keil said they're taking part in a study that Dr. Nazli McDonnell at the National Institute on Aging is conducting. "I have some EDSers who are only 18 years old, and their spine looks like someone who should be 80 years old," McDonnell said. McDonnell's work suggests the joints of EDS patients undergo premature aging. If so, progress with EDS research could help with more common problems like arthritis. This rare disorder often remains undiagnosed, though. Look on YouTube for people with incredibly flexible joints, and McDonnell said you'll see people who may have EDS and not even know it. "By doing those things, they're making more damage to their joint, and they're probably gonna end up needing an operation on that joint 10 years down the road," she said. The images of people contorting themselves on video bring images of a circus sideshow back to mind, and Cindy doesn't appreciate that at all. "I don't like it," she said. "It makes us look like freaks. The old sideshow days. This is a real disorder that's very, very painful." Keil has a different perspective. "It's not really a problem for me," he said. "I mean, there's not much that we could do besides sitting at home or using what [we've] got. A lot of people use their talents."
Making a Living
Back at the Circus of Horrors, "Stretch" Turner uses his EDS to make a living. As for Turner, his doctors believe that, despite his curious condition, he is likely to live a normal life. Normal — as anyone in the circus will tell you — is a matter of interpretation, though.
For more information on Ehlers-Danlos syndrome:
Ehlers-Danlos Support Group
Ehlers-Danlos National Foundation
MEDICAL MYSTERY: THE SMALLEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
Primordial Dwarfs Face Unique Challenges
By JENNIFER DORIAN
(click image for more pictures)
ABC's Bob Brown interviews primordial dwarf Kristin Riley at her home. At 25 years old, Riley is only 42 inches tall. (ABC News)
Jan. 8, 2007 — Although Kenadie Jourdin-Bromley is 3½ years old, she is only 27 inches tall and weighs about 10 pounds, the same as a 1-month-old infant. Kenadie is a primordial dwarf. "They are the smallest children in the world, and it is a big mystery as to why they are so small. We just don't know," said Dr. Charles Scott, one of the world's experts on the condition. Scott is the co-director of the Skeletal Dysplasia Program at Alfred I. DuPont Hospital for Children. He estimates that Kenadie's condition, primordial dwarfism, is so rare that there are only about 125 people like her in the United States and Canada. Primordials, unlike other dwarfs, have what are considered normal proportions, but their growth is retarded almost from the moment of conception. In fact, the name of the condition comes from one of the definitions of the word primorial — "from the moment of conception." Kenadie weighed only 2½ pounds when she was born. Her hand was as big as a quarter, and her foot was only an inch and a half long. "I just want to hear her cry. … If she cries," Kenadie's mother, Brianne Jourdin-Bromley, said she remembered thinking. "Then she's alive. … And then we just heard this tiny, tiny little meow."
Grim Prognosis Early
Kenadie was so small that nurses called her "Thumbelina." Doctors who had never seen a child as small as she was warned that the prognosis was not good. "They really believed that she could not live," Brianne said. "And then you go back to her and you'd think, 'Well, how can she not be OK? She's so perfect.'" Thinking back to Kenadie's birth, her proud father, Court Bromley, said, "I have never seen something so incredible and so perfectly formed." Little did Brianne and Court know that they both carried a defective gene that gave them a one in four chance of having a child like Kenadie. "The only way they're identified is after they've had one child," Scott said. "There's nothing we know that causes that mutation. Nothing that you can do to fix it or change it. It's purely chance." Kenadie has experienced developmental delays and will always face serious medical threats. The bones of primordial dwarfs are very thin, putting them at high risk for breaks. There's also the danger of scoliosis — a curvature of the spine — and heart issues. Perhaps the greatest threat to Kenadie — one that must be watched her entire life — is the risk of an aneurysm, a bulge in a blood vessel that can suddenly burst and kill.
Growing Up as a Primordial Dwarf
These are the same threats that primordial dwarf Kristin Riley shares. At 25, Riley is one of the oldest primordial dwarfs. Like Kenadie, Riley also struggled with developmental delays and did not begin speaking until she was 3 years old. She has already lived through many of the challenges that Kenadie will one day face: the first realization that she is different and that she will always be the smallest in the class, and, the occasional taunts and stares from others. These days one of Riley's biggest challenges is finding something to wear — something fairly typical to any 25-year-old woman. As a 42-inch primordial dwarf, though, she has to shop in the children's department. Defying the odds, Riley has come a long way since childhood. Determined to become independent, she has started selling a line of Mary Kay cosmetics with her mother, is learning to drive in a specially adapted car, and is just three credits shy of completing a two-year college degree. Kenadie's parents consider Riley their "shining star." They hope that Kenadie will one day turn out like her. For her part, Riley has hopes for Kenadie that are much like those she has for herself. She has one piece of advice for Kenadie. "To follow your heart. … Do anything you want and try not to let other people get you down," she said. For More Information on Primordial Dwarfism:
Meet Kenadie
Nemours.org - Skeletal Dysplasia: Primordial Dwarfism
UPDATE: MAN JAILED FOR JOINT SET FREE
Following '20/20' Report, 'New Life' for Tyrone Brown
By JIM AVILA, JOAN MARTELLI and CONNIE CLARKE
Tyrone Brown embraces family and friends after being released from prison on March 15, 2007. (ABC)
March 16, 2007 — It's official: Tyrone Brown, the man sentenced to life in prison for violating probation with a single marijuana cigarette, is a free man. Brown was released from prison on Thursday. ABC News' "20/20" documented this story in November 2006. Brown is African-American, poor and without connections. His harsh sentence was contrasted with the mercy shown to a white criminal who murdered someone, then repeatedly violated his parole with cocaine. The privileged criminal, who was the son of a Baptist minister and the brother-in-law of a U.S. congressman, was never sent to jail, and now even his probation has been lifted. Brown was involved in an armed robbery that yielded $2. He, too, was first sentenced to probation, but when he violated it just once with a marijuana joint, he was sentenced to life. He has served 17 years. Both men were sentenced by the same judge, Keith Dean. After the "20/20" report, Dallas voters ousted Dean from the bench, and last week Brown was granted a "conditional pardon" by Texas Gov. Rick Perry. The pardon requires Brown to live with his mother, report to a parole officer, find a job and work with a therapist. The governor's press secretary said those conditions are to help Brown reintegrate into society.
'New Life'
"I still feel like I'm 17,'' Brown told ABC News. After a moving reunion celebration outside the prison, the Brown family gathered in a circle and — beaming — put their hands together, shouting, "New life!" Brown thanked Dallas Morning News reporter Brooks Egerton and ABC News' Jim Avila for spotlighting the inequity of his dilemma. "You guys really got it going,'' he told ABC News. Brown was imprisoned in 1990, the year South Africa freed Nelson Mandela and Iraqi troops invaded Kuwait, sparking the first Gulf War. He said he knows he's got a lot of adjustments to make. He grinned as he viewed photos of relatives on his family's cell phones. "When I went in, a phone looked like a big block of cheese,'' he said. At turns jubilant, tearful and proud, four generations of the Brown family poured forth from a church bus they'd taken from Dallas to Huntsville to greet the pardoned man — who spent half his natural life in prison. When he returned to his home, Brown said he asked himself, "Is this real? "I mean it's a blessing just to be here," he said. "I still can't believe it." It's a new world for Brown, freed from unequal justice, and he says he is determined to look forward, not back, without hard feelings, even for the judge who sentenced him to life for smoking a joint. "Holding on to that anger…it ain't going to solve nothing," he said. "I'll remember this day for the rest of my life."
Here is more on "20/20's" original report, which aired on November 3, 2006:
Do you believe the scales of justice tilt in favor of the rich and powerful? To explore this question, "20/20" went to Texas to examine the fate of two men who came before the same judge. Alex Wood was accused of killing a male prostitute in Dallas in 1995. He pleaded not guilty and went to trial. According to prosecutor Rick Jordan, the evidence against Wood was incontrovertible: He had shot an unarmed man in the back. But just as the jury was about to conclude its deliberations, Jordan struck a plea bargain: In exchange for a guilty plea, Wood would be given 10 years of probation and no jail time. Jordan's explanation for striking such a lenient deal? He believed the jury was sympathetic to Wood, and Jordan worried it might acquit Wood altogether. Maybe it would have. Wood had no criminal history and came from a wealthy and well-connected Texas family. Wood's father, the Rev. John Alvin Wood, is a retired pastor of the First Baptist Church of Waco and a former regent of Baylor University. He's also a big game hunter and fossil collector whose private museum was recently featured in National Geographic. Wood's sister is married to eight-term congressman Chet Edwards, whose vast district, the 17th congressional district of Texas, extends from the Fort Worth suburbs in the north to the Bryan-College Station area in the south. Wood himself dabbled in the genteel business of breeding and showing dogs, specifically Pharaoh Hounds — an exotic breed whose lineage can be traced back to ancient Egypt. At trial, Wood was represented by top defense attorneys who described the victim as violent and aggressive, and argued that Wood shot the man in self-defense. Even more important, given the location of the trial — the Bible Belt South — they brought in several prominent members of the Baptist church as character witnesses. Among them was O.S. Hawkins, the exceedingly urbane pastor of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, and a true celebrity among Baptist officials. Said Jordan of some of the women jury members, "When O.S. Hawkins came in, it was like they wanted to crawl over the rail and just kiss the ring."
Strategic Move by the Prosecutor
Another reason Jordan agreed to the plea was that he expected Wood to violate probation and end up in jail anyway. Wood did, indeed, violate probation. First, he tested positive for cocaine use, and shortly after that he and another man were arrested when they were found with crack cocaine in one of Chet Edwards' cars. Citing the failed drug test and the arrest, prosecutors went to Judge Keith Dean, the original trial judge, and asked him to revoke Wood's probation. Dean, who serves at the 265th criminal district court of Dallas County, and who has been elected to the bench four times, is described as a good, committed judge. But he allowed Wood to remain out on bail for several months, during which time Wood failed two more drug tests. In the end, Dean let Wood enter a private inpatient treatment center rather than go to jail. In another lucky break, prosecutors decided not to pursue the crack charges against Wood. But Wood continued to get into trouble — and continued to escape the consequences. In a dispute over a puppy, dog trainer Margaret Worth said Wood broke into her home. After Wood's father intervened, Worth agreed not to press charges.
Two Court Cases, Same Judge, Varied Treatment
Last year one of Wood's high-powered lawyers asked Dean to shave a year off Wood's sentence and grant him early release from probation. Dean refused but instead agreed to a "postcard" probation in which Wood could simply write to the court once a year. Wood, now 46 years old, has remained free. The same can't be said for Tyrone Brown, another man who came before Dean. Back in 1990, when Brown was 17, he and a friend pulled a gun on a Dallas man and demanded his wallet. After taking $2, they handed the wallet back and fled but were quickly caught. When Brown appeared before Dean, he didn't have a high-powered lawyer. Brown was one of five children who grew up in a poor home and never finished high school. The Baptist church he attended was the little Telstar Baptist Church in Dallas, which cannot claim a single prominent member. Brown, who had a few minor juvenile offenses on his record, pleaded guilty, and he, too, was sentenced to 10 years' probation. Like Wood, he also violated probation, although only once, and he only got caught smoking marijuana. But when Brown was called before Dean, what happened to him was markedly different from what happened to Wood. Dean sentenced Brown to life in prison, then added, "Good luck, Mr. Brown." Brown's court-appointed attorney, Matt Fry, didn't protest. Nora Brown, Tyrone's mother, recalled that she broke down when her son called her with the news. "'Mama,' he said, 'they gave me life.' I just started crying, you know, and I started screaming. And I said 'Baby, how can they give you life. For what?'" "20/20" correspondent Jim Avila spoke to Dean, who was running for re-election at the time, during a campaign event in Dallas. Avila asked the judge about why he ruled so differently in the two cases. Dean insisted the law and the "ethical code of judicial conduct says I can't talk about any case at any point." However, Seanna Willing, the executive director of the Texas Commission on Judicial Conduct, said there is nothing to prevent a judge from talking about cases that are no longer pending. Wood has finished his probation and is a free man. And now Brown is too.
MAKING ENDS MEET AS A STRIPPER
'20/20' Goes Inside the World of 'Gentlemen's Clubs'
Some women say stripping is an empowering profession; others find it's a job that can actually cost them money. (ABCNEWS.com)
For their mostly male customers, strip clubs are the epitome of an adult playground, where libido and fantasy run free. For critics, they are a depraved wasteland, where women are written off as immoral, lost souls. For the thousands of women taking their clothes off for a living in cities across America, it is a job, and they say it is one of the toughest sales jobs on Earth. "It's a real job. A real job pays real money. And I am able to provide for myself, my family and my children," said "Butterfly," who dances at America's largest strip club, the Sapphire Gentlemen's Club in Las Vegas. Strippers are part of an ever-growing, multibillion-dollar industry. But as we listened to them talk about competing against other women and avoiding abuse and exploitation, we realized their stories were echoed not just by other dancers, but by women throughout the work force. On top of the competitiveness and sometimes threatening environment they deal with, the dancers also deal with the shame they feel from disapproving family and friends. Butterfly, who asked "20/20" to identify her only by her stage name, said she was 22 and a recently divorced mother of two when she made the decision to strip. "I had to make money, good money fast," she said. Butterfly spends all day with her children, then leaves them with a baby sitter when she heads to work at night. Nicole, who asked "20/20" to use only her stage name, is also a working mom. She started out in the military. "I did eight years in the Marine Corps. And I got out and I got scouted for Penthouse, and I became a Penthouse Pet. And then I started feature dancing," she said. For her, the schedule fits well with parenting. "I work at night. My son is in bed by the time I come to work. I am home when he wakes up," she said to "20/20." Rachel is stripping to save the $38,000 she needs for culinary school. Stephanie is a Midwestern college student. "I am getting a degree in fine arts. This is, for better or worse, this is probably the best-paying job I'll ever have," she said. Another dancer "20/20" met, Dawn, pays her way through school in Salt Lake City by dancing in Las Vegas on the weekends. "I'll fly in Friday after school. And then I'll fly home Sunday or Monday and go back to school," she said.
Job Requires Sales Skills and a Runway Model's Confidence
The women "20/20" spoke with all followed different paths to the same career choice. But once they made that choice, almost all of them said they had no idea what they were supposed to do. "I'd stand against the wall and I didn't want anyone to look at me and I didn't want to say anything to anybody. Very, very scared. I didn't know what was expected of me," Butterfly said. The women said nobody took new dancers under their wing and mentored them, or told them how to survive and how to make a lot of money. They had to figure it out on their own. And what they learned quickly was that the job was more complicated than just dancing topless around a pole. To make real money, the women said, you have to work the room — chat up the customers and persuade them to pay you for a private dance or just for your time and attention. A one-on-one dance, or a lap dance, on the main floor costs $15 to $20 a song. Butterfly said she got over her embarrassment by blocking out what she was doing. "I would just pretend, like in my head, like I was, you know, going through sex acts. I believe that you're either born with it, or you're not," she said. Delores Eliades and Peter Feinstein, owners of the Sapphire Gentlemen's Club, told "20/20" what they looked for in their dancers. "The primary thing, to be honest with you, that we look for is an entertainer that is attractive and socially capable of carrying on conversation with men. Somebody who feels comfortable in this type of setting," Feinstein said. And the setting can be intimidating. After watching dancers give lap dances it's easy to guess what the customer is thinking about. But what's going through a dancer's mind while she gives such an intimate dance to a complete stranger? For Butterfly, it is strictly business. "Number one, I'm thinking about how I can move my body to please them and make their fantasy come true. My second thought is how much money can I get out of this person. I'm sorry, but this is my job and that's what I am here for," she said. The most successful dancers, like Trina at the Hustler Club in San Francisco, combine the physical confidence of a runway model with the verbal skills of a used-car salesman. Some of the dancers said the sell had to be personalized. Some said they treated all of the clientele the same. But they all agreed that sizing up customers, to determine who the big spenders are, was critical. A client's shoes, wristwatch, type of suit, even the type of eyeglasses are scrutinized to see whether the client has enough money to pay for the pricey champagne room, or VIP room, where dancers give one-on-one attention for as much as $300 a half-hour. "Honestly, you look for the vulnerable ones," Jennifer said. "The really cute guy, the cocky guy — we talk to them last, they're last pick. You want to look at the guy who probably doesn't get that much love or affection or whatever. And then you try to fulfill that need, you know? You try to make them feel better about themselves — smarter, stronger, whatever. And then you are compensated for that." And that compensation is earned whether the customer wants lap dances or just a pretty girl to sit and talk with him — what they call "GFE," or Girlfriend Experience. "The big-money customers want to come in and spend time with a beautiful girl. And they want to get to know her," said Eric Langin, president and chief executive officer of Rick's Cabaret — a publicly traded company that owns gentlemen's clubs in cities across the country. "They want the fantasy to think, you know, 'Gee, this girl really likes me,'" he said. And they don't have to work hard to get the attention. If they pay, they get a woman who'll sit and talk and be charming. "A lot of times we're like psychiatrists, listening to people's problems. Over and over again, people will pay you just to sit there and listen to you," Butterfly said. She said her clients talked about everything from work to their wives to their kids. But if the client isn't paying, Butterfly said she cut him off after two songs. Many clubs have even more exclusive areas, often completely private rooms or booths that can cost as much as $500 an hour. And it can be incredibly lucrative for the dancers.
Between Stage Fees and Tips Dancers Can Lose Money on a Shift
But in some cities the bad nights far outweigh the good ones. Butterfly works in Las Vegas, where the steady stream of tourists makes it relatively easy for her to support her family. But in the rest of the country, making a decent living as a stripper is no sure thing. Most dancers do not get paid by the club. Instead, they're labeled independent contractors, and they earn their money from stage tips, selling one-on-one lap dances, or persuading customers to buy time in a VIP room. And sometimes in the fiercely competitive world of a strip club — with dancers chasing after the same customers — some women can feel pressure to sell not just a sexual fantasy, but sex. "The business arrangement is such that they are pressured into prostitution because otherwise they can't profit from their work," according to San Francisco District Attorney Kamala Harris. But most dancers make much less, sometimes even going home with less money than they started with. How could you lose money working? The surprising answer is that dancers not only do not get paid any salary, but they actually pay the club anywhere from $75 to $250 a shift for what is called a stage or house fee. Jennifer, who dances at a Chicago club, says she's lost money on occasion. "There have been certain days where you don't make your money back, and they don't pay you. There is no compensation or anything. And you just have to suck it up and hope that the next day is better," she said. And it's not just the stage fee that dancer's pay. Most of these so-called independent contractors must "tip out" at the end of their shift — which means paying money to the other people working at the club — from bouncers to DJs to the maitre d's in the VIP rooms. Butterfly says she can end the night shelling out $150 in tips. On top of all that, the dancers get none of the protections or benefits, like workers' compensation and health care, that are offered to everybody else working in the club. That bothers Butterfly. "I have children. I believe that we should get insurance. You know medical insurance, dental insurance, vision, workers' comp. Anything, where we work — we pay them anyway," she said. Langin doesn't see this as an unfair setup. "The busboy goes home with $200 a week, or $300 a week. And the dancer goes home with $3,000 to $6,000," he said. And for the women who don't bring home $3,000 a week? Langin said he would tell a dancer who wasn't making much money to consider other work. "I try to encourage her to — I call it 'broaden your career horizon a little bit' — find something that you're good at. … This isn't it for you," he said.
Concern That Dancers Could Be Coerced Into Prostitution
The rules about how intimate the contact can be between dancer and customer can change from state to state and city to city. At the Sapphire Club, some touching is allowed. Clients can touch the dancers' arms and legs, Butterfly said, "and our belly if they're careful. If they start moving up, we absolutely have to have to move their hands away," she said. And that apparently happens frequently. Butterfly said she had ended dances because a client wouldn't follow house rules. And a new trend, started in San Francisco, could be making it more difficult for dancers to keep clients' hands at bay. Increasingly, clubs across the country are building private booths where the dancer and customer are alone. These booths are where dancers make the most money, but in San Francisco, the district attorney says it is also where dancers are potentially the most vulnerable. "They're working in a booth and then the customer wants one thing or another and they feel forced to comply," Harris said. Langin acknowledges that sex can occur in clubs, but says the clubs try to prevent it with surveillance systems. If a client is having sex with a dancer, Langin said, "They're going to have to do it really fast. Because there's going to be somebody coming around checking on that room. And if they get interrupted they're going to be thrown out." Like many working women, the dancers who spoke with "20/20" will tell you any kind of respect would be appreciated. They work in a world full of scorn and moral condemnation. They have each made a choice about what is best for themselves and their families. They show up each night because it's their job.
This story originally aired on "20/20" April 15, 2005.