About Me
NOTICE: Advanced literacy and mental discerning skills are required to proceed in order to read and logically comprehend technically superior verbal hieroglyphics which will fabricate the depicted mental image of the following entity being described into your cortex.
To you the reader...
I am a very serious and self-sufficient person with high ideals and a strong sense of values that is somewhat reserved but well concealed by the pleasant and complex image that I present to the world. Being a reserved individual, I often express myself in quiet ways while remaining perfectly capable of communicating disapproval without saying a word. I possess a thoughtful, sincere, and responsible inner nature while mixing a very practical, serious and ambitious side with a somewhat restless and variable personality. I am well-endowed mentally, possessing a realistic, logical, systematic, analytical and discriminating mind. My strong point is in analysis or analytical criticism building off of a strictly rational foundation of thought. I am very organized with solid and practical ideas. I have an ability to exercise sound and impartial judgment while mentally balancing things to criticize and compare.
I have a sensitive mind and personality endowed with a highly refined intuitive insight that lets me see the flaws in plans before they become reality and actually cause problems. I can feel the truth about people and conditions. While highly sensitive and somewhat introspective, I gain by using my sensitivities along practical lines. I don't waste my time trying to peddle things that people aren't buying. There is a shrewd quality in my nature that makes it very clear that I well understand the ways of the world and I know how to deal with them effectively. I have very distinct personal opinions with a lack of experience in holding my tounge, exercising a minimal degree of patience while dealing with the many lacking my capacity for putting thought into action.
My mentality is well backed by serious purpose and thoughtfulness with a desire to get ahead and assume responsibility. Maintaining balance and equilibrium proves to be the key to my success and happiness. I have a rather serious and penetrating interest in life, and to me, most issues seem to have depth and complexity. I have a good head for working out solutions to many sorts of problems. My success and attainment in life depends on the development of the concentration and staying power in maintaining my drive and purpose. Reliability is the key, as I am dependable, and people can depend on me doing exactly what I say I am going to do. I demand realism, truth and facts, rejecting anything that is superficial or frivolous. Accompanying this is a special awareness of my uniqueness, of my inner authority, of my responsibility, and of my life purpose. I manifest my ideals in daily life, to involve myself fully into the work of humankind in a manner which increases the expression of inner life. I attend to the work at hand, approaching it with inspiration and love, to honor the best within and around, and to initiate changes which will enable these elements to become more dominant.
Most people think of me as a very reasonable person, and in many ways I am. It is very difficult, however, to persuade me that I am wrong because of my highly inflexible core within when I am using the tactic of appearing not to understand your point of view even when it is quite clear to me. I am very understanding of people and their problems, and while I can remain very much detached, I am a good listener who can provide sound advice. I am extremely social and I like to have people around me, but at the same time I do not warm up to them very quickly because I find myself somewhat suspicious, and as a result, I remain aloof. There is a cold, hard, invulnerable streak in me that resists personal associations for some reason, even as I know how to appeal to others in a general sense. I can be rather secretive at times by keeping things to myself until I am ready to take others into my confidence. At times I feel the need to withdraw somewhat into myself to establish poise and balance in enjoying moments of quiet peace and introspection. I have a strong domestic side to my nature with a deep interest in home and family because I need the support of a close personal and sympathetic relationship. Companionship is very important to me, but intellect is usually placed ahead of sentiment.
Emotionally I am a puzzle to myself and certainly to those around me by being inwardly sound, reliable and practical while outwardly changeable and contradictory. I do not let my emotions interfere with my reasoning power pertaining to my duties and responsibilities. I am ardent although not exactly warm-hearted. My nature is somewhat rigid and unbending. I control my feelings and emotions with an iron grip. In all emotional matters I am careful and in control. I dislike direct conflict or hostile situations, and my instinct to do the right thing to preserve peace and order is generally appreciated by all. I go about things that I do in a cool, calm, and collected manner. I am not one to make snap judgments. I need time to think and reflect. Given this time, I can always make sound progress through prudent forethought with an ability to bridge the past to the present and the future.
Although I disagree, my psychiatrist says that I'm crazy because I have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia during my life. I had to acknowledge that there was quite possibly something wrong when I realized that everyones analogical comparison of a paranoid schizophrenic in relation to the individual characteristics of my persona made sense. It took me several years to understand and believe that I am schizophrenic. I would much rather have a bipolar disorder so I can compare myself to the majority of society. Most people afflicted with a mental illness collapse under the burden into letting it freely consume their mind. Instead, I have the experience of living with a mental illness throughout my life in which developing into the psychosis was my life. To the best of my knowledge, having a background in biology and anthropology is essential in understanding a disease process like schizophrenia. It is quite a fascinating illness being very complex, very subtle, very enigmatic, and unfortunately very destructive. My primary fear is the loss of memory that is inflicted upon ones mind beginning with the remembrances of early childhood, then the name and notion of things, and eventually the very essence of ones being until just existing is nothing more than living in a state of idiocy that has no past.
The primary characteristic of mental illness is disability. When the realization of the issues surrounding the loss of ability occur during the prodrome of schizophrenia, the result is a state of severe emotional turmoil because you are essentially losing your ability to function in a competitive environment. Symptoms can develop rather early during childhood or adolescence leading into a significant disruptance in ones social, academic, and occupational levels of achievement. As symptoms progress they develop as a way of life, manifesting reality into an abstract, distorted, delusional state of hallucinated perceptions.
Drug use is common during the stages of a psychosis. I didn't smoke cannabis much compared to the other substances I was consuming on a regular weekly basis namely MDMA, GHb, ketamine, opiates, cocaine, amphetamines, and other various pharmaceuticals. The substances that I was consuming on a daily basis were psychoactive hallucinogenics such as DMT, extracts from datura stramonium, mescaline, psylocibin, and my primary choice, LSD. I went in search of what we are all seeking. I went in search of a power greater than my own to guide me, comfort me, and enlighten me. If it wasn't for the tranquility I found through these substances, I would have failed at life and probably would have committed suicide from my initial reaction to the severe emotional state that I was in while experiencing the loss of my functioning abilities. Currently, I have managed to elude the use of illegal narcotic substances and I am experiencing sobriety somewhat for the first time in thirteen years.
At a critical key molecular level of consciousness achieved while under the influences of LSD, I exiled myself into solitude with intentions to journey deeper inside myself, to find some form of lucidity within my psychosis, to further understand its nature in an attempt to learn to co-exist in a parallax view. To form a comprehensive analysis at an intellectually logical and moralistic standpoint based on the seriousness of the issues surrounding the eccentric problematic attributes of my character, I realized that I had to compete with my psychosis as if it were something other than what it is commonly considered. I had to pretend that it was not part of my being to be able to stand outside of myself in order to approach the problem as a separate entity parallel of my own. The more critical manifestation from this state of observation achieved by the latitude of projecting into an astral body of ethereal existence, is that by analyzing the energies of and surrounding my very being, I was able to formulate a far greater intimate understanding of the fundamental nature of my essence and the innermost dimensions of my mind.
The representational explanation to that which others cannot perceive facilitated through this understanding is conceived being that I am harmonically attuned to the electromagnetic spectral frequencies resonant within the environment which my brain subconsciously processes to compose the presence of interdimensional enigmatic entities co-existing simultaneously among us from within the fold of a higher parallel dimensional plane interweaved into the very fabric of time within this physical existence.
Mother of God, there I am! Fuck, I've gone completely sideways man. The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours. A drug person can learn to handle such things as seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to deal with this trip.
I hope this is not too complicated to understand about one person. I am sure it was entirely too long to read, but this is who and what kind of person you I am. If you want to get to know me better, or if you want to add me as a friend, message me first if I don't know you in real life. I will not add anyone I have never talked to before. You can message me here or I can be contacted via AIM|Yahoo|MSN »» MrDrably
Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect
. : Last Updated 27.08.06 : .
"The pills make the phone calls go away"
Poseable Doll
2012 years old
Room 113
PWNVille
Last Login:
00/27/1337
