Berticus Obvious Maximus profile picture

Berticus Obvious Maximus

If perception denies the existence of something that obviously exists, then perception is irrelevant

About Me


From Cotton to Satin
He weaves gossamer and moonbeam
into forms of concrete and steel.
He molds and shapes the images
of fantasies that, to him, are real.
He's constrained by what he sees;
His perception is limited by life.
He's preoccupied maintaining the seesaw balance
on the edge of existence's knife.
Sometimes, thinking he has insight,
he blunders and makes claims that arent true.
He charts his path three steps ahead,
to make up for a misstep or two.
He fears, he worries, he trips himself up;
He avoids problems that arent really there.
He fights or flees from hideous monsters
that breathe imaginary air.
This, the man thats just been described,
is me--all pretense removed.
All I can say is that I was made this way,
but hopefully, with time, I'll improve.
Take the quiz:
Devil or Angel?

Black Angel
You'd be a Black angel, Mostly nice, but you can get angry and evil at times... You do not care for some things, but you love to have fun.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
My score on The Greek Mythology Personality Test :
Orpheus
(33% Extroversion, 66% Intuition, 72% Emotiveness, 61% Perceptiveness)
You are an artist, an aesthete, a sensitive, and someone who has never really let go of that childlike innocence. To you, all of life has a sense of wonder in it, and the story of Orpheus was written about someone just like you.When the Argo passed the island of the Sirens, Orpheus played a song more beautiful than the Sirens to prevent the crew from becoming enticed. When his wife died, he ventured into the underworld to charm Hades but, in his naivete, he looked back becoming trapped there.You can capture your unique world view and relate it to others with the skill of a master storyteller. Your sensitivity and creativity make you a treasure to the human race, but your thin-skinned nature and innocence can cause you a lot of disenchantment and pain. What's doubly unfortunate is that, if you try to lose those traits, you never will, and everyone will be able to tell that you're putting up an artificial shell to prevent yourself from being hurt.Famous people like you: Hemingway, Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Melville, Nick Tosches Stay clear of: Icarus, Hermes, Atlas
Link: The Greek Mythology Personality Test ( OkCupid Free Online Dating ) My score on The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test :
King Nebuchadnezzar
(You scored 52% Pride, 35% Envy, 52% Ambition, and 42% Deceitfulness!)
You are King Nebuchadnezzar, the emperor of Babylon. You are part of a long tradition of Middle Eastern dictators. Like any good dictator, you possess the attributes of pride and ambition in good measure. Your ambitious nature drove you to conquer much of the Middle East, including the kingdom of Israel. You subsequently put the people of Israel into bondage. You also tend to be very direct with your friends and enemies alike. You prefer to tell people exactly what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it. Your position in society and your imperial army give you the ability to do this with impunity. Unlike many Middle Eastern despots, you are a very good ruler and you happen to treat your own people quite well. You might be a biblical villain, but I’m sure you’d make a good dictator in the 21st century, if given the chance.
Link: The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test ( OkCupid Free Online Dating )
You Are a Prophet Soul
You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappointment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.
You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul What Kind of Soul Are You?

My Interests

First of all, Im a weirdo, so when you misunderstand me, which you WILL do, dont feel bad, because I already knew youd do it...its okay. Still, though, I keep going in the hope (however unfounded) that there will be one woman, someday, who will understand me, and then I will begin the implementation of my plans to design my way out of the box that I live in...woe be unto the world when that happens, or at least unto the greedy bastards who run the world...until then, fuck you if you cant take a joke, and dont talk so loudly, it echoes in here.

I'd like to meet:

The one woman that God put here on this earth who understands me, believes in me because she loves me, believes in my vision because it ignites her ambition, and who tells me her dreams so that I may build them for her...for the sake of my sanity, Im convinced that shes around here somewhere, and when I find her, she and I will have a long talk about the fact that shes not a set of car keys, so therefore she didnt have to stay lost quite so long...

Mr. Koolaid, so I can ask him how he skates the half-pipe without spilling a DROP...Hulk Hogan, so I can call him "brother" and hear him call me "brother" back...Barney the Dinosaur, so I can bitch-slap that PURPLE BASTARD...and finally, the Map on Dora the Explorer, so I can discuss with him the fact that it's BAD to scare children away from studying geography, and possibly thereby convince him to STOP EATING PEOPLE WHEN HE COMES OUT OF THE BACKPACK!!!

Music:

In music, I listen for good rhythm and good lyrics, but there are times when even static is soothing to me...I havent been exposed to a lot of different styles of music, so I dont really even know what my "favorite" kind of music is, but I generally listen to rock/metal-type stuff. I also like rap...west-coast from the late-80s and early-90s, please...Tupac, NWA, Ice-T, Sir Mix-A-Lot, that sorta thing. Basically, if it sounds good to me, I like it, no matter the genre, so yeah.

Movies:

Braveheart, The Patriot (Mel Gibson, not Steven Seagal), Dangerous Liaisons (John Malkovich is the MAN), Cruel Intentions, The Ten Commandments, Gone With the Wind, The Winds of War, As Good as it Gets, The Sound of Music, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (with Gene Wilder, that is...havent seen the new one yet, but I am a Depp fan), Pirates of the Caribbean, Edward Scissorhands, The Lawnmower Man, the Matrix movies, the LOTR movies (for content they BLEW, but visually they were very impressive), etc, etc...Im not a real big fan of slasher/gorefest killer movies in general, but a good psychological horror film is right up my alley.

Television:

Frasier, Will & Grace, Friends, even though I hate myself every time I hear the theme song...Futurama, Robot Chicken, Family Guy...I love the History Channel, especially Modern Marvels...yeah, I dig machines.

Books:

Plutarch, Edgar Allan Poe, J.R.R. Tolkien, R.A. Salvatore, Raymond E. Feist, Laurell K. Hamilton, Margaret Weis, Tracy Hickman, and others...I love Star Trek novels, fantasy/sword-and-sorcery novels, especially those set in the Forgotten Realms...I also like the different Time-Life history series...Im not much of a horror fan, but what Ive read of Koontz, King, and John Saul I have liked.

Heroes:

Pericles, Solon, Fabius Maximus, Hannibal, Julius Caesar, Octavius (Augustus) Caesar, his half-sister Octavia (Mark Antony's wife who lost him to Cleopatra), and Brutus' wife Porcia (both awesomely virtuous women, and models of what I want in a wife)

My Blog

Shine (A Poem)

ShineI just wanted to tell you that you shine,beautiful woman;you shine,and the world is lit,and everyone is happier for having seen you.Those that live in the darknessobviously have problems with it,...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Fri, 21 Sep 2007 01:14:00 PST

Double Infinity Paradox and hypothesis

Something that is and always is is precluded by the nature of infinity."Double" is ALWAYS 2x, and is ALWAYS quantifiable.There can be twice an infinite number, but because that number is infinite as w...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Sat, 15 Sep 2007 01:18:00 PST

Tinged Blue (A Poem)

A friend of mine wrote a truly awe-inspiring piece, and I was inspired to write this... Tinged Blue Who weeps for the broken nymph, wreathed in fairie light, tinged blue, the last remnant of washed-ou...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Sun, 29 Jul 2007 08:58:00 PST

Pedestal (A Poem)

PedestalMy own words mock me;they bring pointlessness to stark relief.Deeper depression caps my deep wells, and from my Muse, there is only silence.I stand surrounded by deadening staticon the pedesta...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 11:03:00 PST

Hellblade (A Poem)

HellbladeThe metal is temperedslowly, to make it strong;proven by hammer blows,it is forged by an evil will.The edge is honed, by masters,on the wheels of demon-craft.It will be used by manyto divide...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 09:33:00 PST

The ____________________

My water/air ship is the _______________of a ____________, or a ______________,with a ______________ unit about three-quartersof the way down, with top AND bottom _______,and the engines run...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Tue, 19 Sep 2006 10:51:00 PST

The Naming of Animals--Incomplete

Adam named the animals. What if the first lion he came across was actually lying down? And tigers?What if the first tiger had Adam's head in his mouth,for whatever reason,and Adam, who just so happene...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Mon, 18 Sep 2006 11:09:00 PST

Nemesis (A Poem)

Cutting words, with precise skill,lop off the psyche and identity,so that hands that care for otherscan remold them into something less... dangerous. Shattered defenses, torn and bleeding,Gather ...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 01:29:00 PST

Epiphanies (with apologies to God and Tolkien)

Of Obligation Nazgul.That is who you face--riders of giant rotting ravens,and their daddy, the Dinosaur Man.Now, take this ring, and kill it--quench it in fire,or die by my hands, right now. Greater l...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Sat, 09 Sep 2006 01:12:00 PST

The Master Race

I just had a thought... Ive heard that Dake's Reference Bible implies that Satan, not God, actually created the dinosaurs, because he wanted to be God, and he had creative power, and he wanted to have...
Posted by Berticus Obvious Maximus on Wed, 06 Sep 2006 10:41:00 PST