Big Hans profile picture

Big Hans

A little lesson in manners from the road twitch.

About Me

Careless hygiene. Nice teeth. Can raise one eyebrow on command. Likes leather. Sick of lentils. Can use chopsticks. Scared of the ocean. Scared of the horizon. Would like to know the technical words for these phobias. Would rather be infamous than famous. Enjoys posting strange pictures of herself. Misses her mohawk. Misuses commas. Sings loudly but badly. Sucks at math. Boot fetish. Nail biter. Likes her eyebrows the way they are. Addicted to chocolate. Poor. Jaded. Nerd. Total exhibitionist. Revolutionary? Suspicious of religion. Sort of queer. Sort of bitchy. But in a nice way.
I like trees, sometimes more than people. Or at least some people.
If you want to read my real blog, click on this handy Livejournal link.
And here is a personality test, if you want an objective view.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%
Stability |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Orderliness |||||| 23%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 43%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70%
Intellectual |||||| 30%
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||| 56%
Materialism |||||||||| 36%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 50%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic |||||||||| 36%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||| 30%
Cautiousness |||||||||| 36%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||| 30%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 50%
Histrionic |||||| 30%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 43%
Vanity |||||||||||||| 56%
Hypersensitivity |||||| 30%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Trait Snapshot:
messy, tough, disorganized, fearless, not rule conscious, likes the unknown, rarely worries, rash, attracted to the counter culture, rarely irritated, positive, resilient, abstract, not a perfectionist, risk taker, strange, weird, self reliant, leisurely, dangerous, anti-authority, trusting, optimistic, positive, thrill seeker, likes bizarre things, sarcastic

My Interests

Farting around, cheap thrills, cheap clothing, theater, dance, making fun of myself and everyone, movies (good and bad ones), writing, profanity, fairy tales, reading, adventures, long aimless drives in the summer, live music, talking to people, story telling, cooking, stupid jokes, whisky, travel, being obnoxious, and I REALLY love shopping for groceries.

I'd like to meet:

Generally speaking, nobody. I'm a cranky bastard that avoids people, and I aim to keep it that way. This is not a joke. I'm not being cute. I really do prefer being a hermit most of the time.

Music:

Pretty much everthing, except currently popular MTV music and some forms of country. Johnny Cash, Sleater-Kinney, Le Tigre, Kate Barclay, Old and In the Way, Neutral Milk Hotel, Black Sea Quartet, Mantits, Coco Rosie, Ella Fitzgerald, Sage Francis, Saul Williams, Belly, Louie Armstrong, Monty Python songs, Marvin Gaye, Led Zepplin, the Marx Brothers, Eastern European opera, Mozart, Aretha Franklin, choral music, Sweet Honey and the Rock, Abby Jenne, Sheryl Crow, Satie, Big Mama Thornton, Phil Ochs, Bob Dylan, Jerk Off Jack Off Frig Face. Blah blah blah, you get the point.

Movies:

I love movies. I'll watch pretty much anything except romanitc comedies. My favorite genres are documentaries, cheesy monster/horror movies, and weird dramas. Favorite directors are Terry Gilliam, Peter Jackson, Danny Boyle. On a side note, I've probably watched all three Lord or the Rings movies about fifty times each.

Television:

House MD. Gotta love those misanthropic bastards.

Books:

Authors: Ursula K. LeGuin, David Sedaris, Octavia E. Butler, Hunter S. Thompson, Alice Walker, Jane Yolen, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Doris Lessing, Sherman Alexie, Steven Taylor, L. Frank Baum, Francesca Lia Block, Alice Hoffman, John Marsden, Tolkien, CS Lewis, Stephen King, Rita Gross, Shel Silverstein, David Halperin, Joseph Heller, AL Kennedy, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Hakim Bey, Anias Nin, CimethInc Collective, Ray Bradbury, and any collection of short stories I can get my hands on.
You should all read Dancer from the Dance by Andrew Holleran and The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk. And Temporary Autonomous Zone by Hakim Bey. And and and.
Comic books: anything by Ellis, Morrison, Moore, Ennis, Gaiman, or Loeb.
Poetry: Hafiz, Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, Seth Jarvis, Andrea Gibson, Marge Piercy, Lucille Clifton, Octavio Paz, Gary Snyder, H.D., Pablo Neruda, Gregory Corso, Allen Ginsberg, Christine Rosetti, TS Eliot, Lewis Carrol, WB Yeats, and my friends.

Heroes:

My family. Well, most of them.

My Blog

Writing for the hell of it.

For some reason, I feel compelled to write an update on my life.It's been a while, yeah? And while there's nothing as hot as cabaret pictures or stupid as LOTR screenshot macros on here to amuse you,...
Posted by Big Hans on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 10:29:00 PST

More fun with screencaps

So I was bored and suffering from insomnia, and here are the products of it.Never drink caffeine before bedtime, kids. Shit like this just pops into your brain.And an almost story....
Posted by Big Hans on Thu, 28 Sep 2006 01:17:00 PST

Come to the Cabaret!

July 23, 2006, there will be an awesome Cabaret at Nicole (not me) and Angie's house.A selection of pictures from the last Cabaret...And of course...I will be returning as the most fabulous emcee ever...
Posted by Big Hans on Sat, 15 Jul 2006 02:56:00 PST

this is how i spend my time...

Part of a birthday card I made. Warnings; has hobbit vomit and mentions of halfling sex.Yeah, I'm a twenty year old halfway through my bachelor's degree. I'm the fucking future of America!I'm also s...
Posted by Big Hans on Tue, 11 Jul 2006 11:37:00 PST

Six Weird Things

Argh!  Tagged by Kat to write a blog!The Rules:The first player of this game starts with writing 6 weird things/habits about themselves and then selects 6 others to write a blog about their 6 wei...
Posted by Big Hans on Fri, 05 May 2006 02:36:00 PST

I fucking rock by the way.

Excerpts from my manuscript.Title Page:Eyes, Take 1:Eyes, Take 2:You should buy or trade me for one....
Posted by Big Hans on Thu, 04 May 2006 12:21:00 PST

Funerals Suck All Over, Apparently

For those of you that don't know, a guy I lived with last year died on Saturday.  He committed suicide.  These are just some musings I had about funerals.  I felt like posting them for ...
Posted by Big Hans on Fri, 21 Apr 2006 10:55:00 PST

Impressions of Washington.

Seattle: Sunset over Puget Sound.  Getting dark atop the Space Needle.  Thumbs up for the picture they took of Mom and I.  Too early for whale watching.  The man sitting beside the...
Posted by Big Hans on Tue, 04 Apr 2006 10:10:00 PST

I hate this fucking holiday!

And to celebrate it, I wrote this poem. Nine Definitions of Love1.A complex chemical reaction, seen as an emotional response to a biological drive necessary for the survival of the species.2.My atoms....
Posted by Big Hans on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 10:40:00 PST

Starling Speaks

A couple warnings about this post:1.) I've been getting into my sub-personalities lately.  Probably more than is healthy.  This comes from a homeless crazyman named Starling. 2.) The "H...
Posted by Big Hans on Thu, 09 Feb 2006 12:23:00 PST