Woods, cemeteries, cemeteries in woods, horse tracheotomies on dogs, current affairs (eg is Doherty dead yet?/inevitability of Nuclear war or world order change: Middle East/China), smoked dry cured, lomo picante etc
I'd like to meet:
Fox Dogs, Blackcaps, ChiffChaffs and a whole Murder Of Magpies. p
Music:
Fleetwood Mac, The Embarrassment
Movies:
Anche Libero Va Bene
Television:
Six Feet Under
Strictly Dance Fever , Freaks And Geeks, Eastenders (Martin and Sonia had teenage sex without protection. Martin then fobbed Sonia off. Sonia discovers she's pregnant! Martin is not interested so they give baby {Chloe} away. Sonia meets Jamie. Jamie and Sonia get engaged and are really in love. Martin accidently runs Jamie over. Times passes and Sonia falls in love with Martin momentarily forgetting he killed her ex fiance. They marry. Sonia gets fed up with Martin's insular world - she's studying to be a nurse for heaven's sake - she has better things to do than sit in the Queen Vic with Martin and his mingy old bag of a mother Pauline all day. Sonia gets lesbian lover who understands that maybe she wants to read books with no pictures in and leaves Martin. Martin is very upset. Mingy old bag Pauline, mother of Martin says "Always said she was an old trollop". Sonia tires of muffdiving and wants a bit of cock {so fickle} so dumps girlfriend and tries to get Martin back. Meanwhile, they're hanging out with the child they adopted years back {now called Rebecca and really quite annoying} because her adopted parents died. Martin gets girlfriend and Sonia spies on him from behind Arthur's bench looking woeful and becomes a temporary alcoholic to Pauline's amusement. They become friends again. Martin dumps girlfriend. Sonia dumps her 3 day boyfriend and the booze. Somehow little Rebecca is now living with Pauline though I don't think this was very official. Sonia and Martin snog then poor old sexy Dot Cotton {Sonia's grandma in law who she lives with - style icon} finds them in bed together. She utters some biblical quotes but doesn't tell old bag Pauline. They decide to not be together but Sonia cries so they get together but don't tell Pauline. Pauline overhears that everyone is lying to her and noone really likes her and drops her cigarette and sets the house aflame. She goes to hospital and pretends a routine brain scan has uncovered a tumour. Martin can't bear to lie to/upset his dying mum and dumps Sonia. They eventually find out Pauline is lying. Martin is rather upset and gets back with Sonia. Pauline says "it's that scrubber or me" so he says he can't choose. Pauline becomes more evil and disowns him and her husband Joe. She decides to leave for Florida to live with her daughter Michelle. Pauline's husband Joe comes round and tries to get back with her but she says that he was shit in bed and not as sexy as her Arthur used to be. Joe says Arthur was copping off with Mrs Hewitt, her daughter Michelle was a slag, her son Mark was disease ridden and that Pauline is an old trollop so Pauline smashes him on the head with a plate. Sonia goes round to try and talk her out of leaving but Pauline is mean and says that Sonia is a scrubber's daughter so Sonia slaps her. Pauline falls over breaking her precious fruit bowl. Sonia gets emotional about how Pauline used to be nice when she was a kid and leaves. Pauline sees sense and goes out into the square to find Martin and be reunited. However she collapses and dies. Sonia feels responsible but tells noone about the slap. Unfortunately little Rebecca had seen the fight when dropping off a christmas card to Granny Pauline very late at night in the East End of London even though she's only 6. She mentions it to Dot who anonymously calls the police. Just as Pauline's coffin is rolling into the fire the police halt the cremation and take her body for a post-mortem. Martin flips out and starts strangling Joe - Pauline's husband - accusing him of murdering her. "It was me!", wails Sonia. Sonia and Martin go to discuss it all. She claims she just tapped Pauline. She goes to make teas and comes back. MArtin has gone and taken Rebecca! She finds them back in Pauline's house. "You've taken someone I love and now I'm taking someone you love!", Martin cries. "I'm getting an injunction out!". Sonia slaps MArtin very hard. "Just a little tap?!?!.!" Martin drags Sonia out onto the street and smashes her on the floor just as the Queen Vic is emptying out. A police car arrives. "Miss Sonia Jackson? I am arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Pauline Fowler...." Sonia sobs and cries out for Rebecca as her head is pushed into the police car. "I love ya Rebecca! Remember, mummy loves ya!" Rebecca has witnessed it all... EDIT Sonia out on bail. Postmortem comes out and Sonia wot dun it! Phil hides Sonia in The Arches {Phil's garage}. Sonia decides to turn herself in but must see Rebecca one last time so plays with her whilst Martin is at Pauline's funeral. Martin returns to find Rebecca gone! Sonia has stolen Rebecca!!!)
Books:
TOLSTOY, BLYTON, SOLZHENITSYN, HARDY
Geek Love, Cancer Ward, The Collector, Ham On Rye, Burning In Water Drowning In Flame, Confederacy Of Dunces, Resurrection, Jimmy Corrigan, Quimby The Mouse, Jude The Obscure, The Enchanted Wood/Magic Faraway Tree, Notebooks Of A Naked Youth, My Fault, Tess Of The D'Ubervilles, Return Of The Native, Death Of Ivan Ilyich and other stories..., American Splendor, Tintin, Ask The Dust, Road To Los Angeles, Real Stuff, Far From The Madding Crowd, Jon Ronson, David Remnick: Reporting, The Beauty Myth, Dervla Murphy books... Just finished Platform by Michel Houllebecq - what a bag of shit. Who lets this guy write? Twats like me buy the book because there's a nice arse on the cover and there's only 2 minutes til the train departs from platform 19 which is so far a-fucking-way and what else is there in London Euston's WH Smith aside 100000000 copies of the Da Vinci Code which maybe I would have read were it not for the disdainful reviews from peers and the wish not for mindless commuter lemming status instead opting for this bag of shite and subsequent death by left leaning sardonic pseudo intellectual snob lemming status but mainly just the nice arse on the cover . If you want predictable characters with no depth (oh heh had sex with the baby sitter - what a surprise), repetitive & utterly mundane descriptions of a 'wild' sex life written by a man who has clearly never recovered from puberty (the main guy - i 've already forgotten his name - can do little but kneel and lap and use adjectives such as 'firm', 'hard', 'wet' and 'supple') and unenlightening, tired and meandering philosophical thoughts on life, THEN THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU.
Heroes:
Jon Snow
Dot Cotton......
