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The Ashen Muse

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About Me

FROM A DIVIDED BEING TO ONENESS "Man was created as a divided being, though life is One. Through our evolution in consciousness, we can come to see the true Oneness of all things, the undifferentiated existence, which every serves a purpose in the univerisal scheme of things."Referenced from: http://www.gurusoftware.com/GuruNet/KnowledgeBase/Spirit/Cre ation.htm&#One

A POEM - INTO THE RAIN by Tre (my sis) Into the rain Where sin is washed away She walked oblivious to everything Feeling the sizzle of sin against her body She hurts from the shame A decent into madness The rain drenches her Trying to wash it away She falls to her knees Lost among the ashes of her soul....To Sis: You are an incredibly talented poet. Father would be so proud of you. I asked to claim this poem, to better express the process of evolution that I am currently undertaking and experiencing. It is as if you were inside my soul as it happened...I love you. You are a muse of words, dear sister.Wow, what a trip I've been on. Life is so fluid, and so changing. Sometimes that unpredictability makes things exciting....other times, you just feel like you don't want to deal with it 'anymore'. New ground....new experiences....new people....new directions. The key to my existence at this point...is that 'none' of these things are familiar to me. Save my wonderful sister and her family. All other familiarity in life has disappeared....and I find myself with the incredible challenge, of not overthinking, of imposing past heartaches onto new people and places. If I could use a word to describe my existence....I would say it is 'challenge'. I am challenging myself...my memories....my tendencies...my pain.Sometimes I miss Nebraska. I miss those I was surrounded by....those who 'did' care...those who were my companions. It was a different atmosphere and a far different dynamic. I know that one day soon, I'll have a place of my own again. That space that I will loosely call 'home'. I know this....but there, it was almost maternal in nature. I felt close to Nick and his friends...I was looked to for advice and guidance....I was spoken to in confidence and secrecy....I felt as if I had purpose, in that the kids had a place to go, where they could speak about what was there in their spirits. I felt fortunate to have that connection with all of them. Especially you, my son. You were a light, and the anchor that has always given me the firmest sense of purpose in life. I always wonder if I did well raising you...if you learned all that I had showed you....if you are doing well in your new life. I hope so....I hope 'many' things for you. Joy is what you feel inside....it is created by your own heart and mind. If you can find peace in whatever path you walk.....that is the key. Be comfortable with what fate sends to you. Be accepting of the things you find less favorable. Be open to what you are being shown, and what you should learn from it. Even the things that feel the most painful have a purpose. A reason to testing you....a reason for changing you. It is simply the evolution of the soul. Remaining open and actually giving the parts of yourself openly to that....will give you the opportunity to continue to grow.
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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Char - The Ashen Muse
Birthplace: Dusseldorf, Germany
Eye Color: Blue-Green
Hair Color: Brown with highlights
Height: 5 foot 7 inches
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right!
Your Heritage: German & Dutch
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black patent leather heels
Your Weakness: Coffee and chocolate, LOL
Your Fears: Spiders...that's it!
Your Perfect Pizza: Mushroom & Canadian Bacon - YUM!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To be established and comfortable within.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Don't really use it anymore....LOL was it when I did:D
Thoughts First Waking Up: Give my best always...to all I do...
Your Best Physical Feature: No idea....hadn't thought about it. Eyes, I suppose.
Your Bedtime: Depends on how tired I am...I am a night hawk.
Your Most Missed Memory: My wonderful father...laughing with him.
Pepsi or Coke: Neither...Mountain Dew!!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Neither....going healthy!!
Single or Group Dates: Dates aren't really on my mind....
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Not a tea drink:(
Chocolate or Vanilla: CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino most...but love all coffees!
Do you Smoke: Used to....woo hoo!
Do you Swear: No not really...only at insane drivers, LOL.
Do you Sing: Um, no...LMAO
Do you Shower Daily: Of course....it's hot here!
Have you Been in Love: Yes, most definitely...still am.
Do you want to go to College: Without a doubt....
Do you want to get Married: I thought about it....but....
Do you belive in yourself: With all my heart...
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope:D
Do you think you are Attractive: I'm modest.....others say I am.
Are you a Health Freak: Yes, yoga, bellydancing, walking, excercise is the best!
Do you get along with your Parents: LOVED my father....don't speak to my mother.
Do you like Thunderstorms: I LOVE THEM
Do you play an Instrument: Not really...wish I could:)
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Had one drink with my sis and bro in law
In the past month have you Smoked: Nada....
In the past month have you been on Drugs: HELL NO....
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Make that a double hell no....
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Nope don't do the mall.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Um, nope, LOL
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Don't do raw fish....eek.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No I haven't.....
In the past month have you been Dumped:
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Hell no again....
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Never have...never will
Ever been Drunk: Long time ago....drinking is rare for me!
Ever been called a Tease: No...and never plan to be...
Ever been Beaten up: Nope!
Ever Shoplifted: NO! LOL....
How do you want to Die: In a quiet peaceful secluded place...
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A full blown artist...and sculptor!
What country would you most like to Visit: Scottland or Ireland...
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Crystal blue....
Favourite Hair Color: Sandy blonde
Short or Long Hair: However he wants it...
Height: 5 foot 10 inches
Weight: Athletic
Best Clothing Style: Casual and comfortable...
Number of Drugs I have taken: Very few...and keeping it that way.
Number of CDs I own: Starting over...6 right now...
Number of Piercings: Two...ears and belly button
Number of Tattoos: None yet...
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I don't regret...I've learned from them all.
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You Are 72% Intuitive
You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right.
You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous.
When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead. How Intuitive Are You?

My Interests

My interests are varied and wide....but a few....all forms of art, painting, sketch, charcoal, ink and pastels. Philosophy, Photography, Cooking & Baking, Reading, Learning, Gaming, History, Writing...just to name a few.

BUDDHISMMEDITATIONBELLY DANCING
You Are 80% Creative
You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word.
You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times. How Creative Are You?

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MySpace Comments MySpace GlitterULTIMATE PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE: The ultimate purpose in life is to discover the delight of being through our higher consciousness.WHY IS THERE IGNORANCE, FALSEHOOD & EVIL IN CREATION?: The sage Sri Aurobindo has said that out of a Divine Source emerged forms of an original force/energy that make up the universe, including us. We are divided, some ignorant, false beings, even as there are many negative aspects of the cosmos to go along with the positive. In other words yin and yang....black and white....light and dark. Balance. Which end of the spectrum are you on?
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To all those I love and hold dear to my heart...a humble thank you....and always know that I am well...and finally living in peace and comfort....For the man who helped me through this transition...Seth, YOU will always be the ANGEL. Forgive....You are and always were a gift to me! I will think of you often...The lovely garden my sis received from her family on mother's day.....she loves flowers. And I lovingly help her to tend. She named it "Dick's Garden" for our beloved pappa, who adored a beautiful bloom...er to care for them. She named the garden "Dick's Garden", for our beloved pappa, who adored beautiful blooms...
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My Interests:Disc Golf, Powerwalking, Yoga, Aerobics, Racquetball, Roller Coasters!, Horseback Riding, ART!!!-Painting, Sketching, Pastels, Charcoals, Inks, Colored Pencils. History, Some Science, Reading, MUSIC!!! Learning all the time....Philosophy....oh hell, EVERYTHING! I'm open and receptive. My most recent addition to undertakings and curiosities...Belly Dancing....it is incredible!!
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Your Hidden Talent
You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations.
You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts.
Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition.
The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary. What's Your Hidden Talent?
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Starlight LyricsTHE PROCESS OF CREATION: The process by which an individual or a collective creates in life is the same process that enabled a universe to emerge from a Spiritual source. When we create and accomplish in life, we essentially have a vision of, an aspiration of that which we want to accomplish, we organize its details, and carry it out through skills and positive attitudes that enables it to manifest as a living reality.

I'd like to meet:


What Your Soul Really Looks Like
You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true.

Your near future is in a very different place (both physically and mentally) from where you are right now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust. Inside the Room of Your Soul


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DELIGHT COMES OUT OF DISCOVERING: "God's delight lies in the original delight of the Spirit. It comes out when the original Spirit hidden in Mind, Life and Matter emerges on the surface"
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The power that pulses through every living thing around us, is ours for the utilizing, if we choose to feel it and see it! The power is here within my hands...and it pulses through me, as if electric...it is all encompassing...and IT is what is starting the 'truest' and first growth within me....life is something I never truly saw before...it IS the gift given to me, by that power....that guiding force...it created me...and it gave me the opportunity....the opportunity to grow in heart, mind and soul.....it gave me the chance to BECOME! I am grateful...and truly ready to SEE what is shown...and to be what I am destined to be....join me!

Who would I love to meet.....All the brilliant people who were misunderstood or shunned by society....to hear their stories and share them. To sooth their troubled thoughts...and to help 'them' to see where their own light and path is leading them. I am here to serve...to be more than just myself...I am here to give...and to share.
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Don't seek 'your' answers from others. What you see, feel and understand in this existence is dependent on only you. No one else can truly tell you what you should do....where you should go....or what you should choose. Take responsibility for who you are....and what you are. Make the choices that feel right to you....if they are the wrong choices, take away the knowledge you were shown....and allow it to refine the parts of your soul, that you wish to change. Find the joy within yourself....and believe in who you are.THE DAY OF MONICA'S PROM - APRIL 2007
Welcome me into your world...as a gentle presence....and I will give you a glimpse into mine in return. See one vision, of one Muse....hoping to inspire greatness....and always reaching for the good that awaits all around us. Pimp My ProfileSMELL TECH SUPPORT Part One

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Music:


You Are Impressionism
You think the world is quite beautiful, especially if you look at it in new and interesting ways.
You tend to focus on color and movement in art.
For you, seeing the big picture is much more important than recording every little detail.
You can find inspiration anywhere... especially from nature. What Art Movement Are You?Nickleback, Blue October, Death Cab for Cutie, Weezer, Gorillas, Breaking Benjamin, All American Rejects, 311, Shinedown, Angels & Airwaves, Blink 182, Disturbed, Staind...Tool, 3 Days Grace, Saosin, Senses Fail, Arturis....always expanding my horizons:)


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Movies:

Hmmm, this brings a 'whole new meaning' to the phrase "Ill tempered"...
Get this video and more at MySpace.comHmmmm, how about: What Dreams May Come, Big Fish, Bruce Almighty, What Women Want, Kill Bill, The Negotiator, Pulp Fiction, White Noise...Under The Tuscan Sun, Lady In The Water, 50 First Dates, The Truman Show, The Holiday, Finding Neverland....gives you an idea....


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What Charlene Means
C is for Complicated
H is for Humorous
A is for Amorous
R is for Radical
L is for Liberal
E is for Excellent
N is for Naughty
E is for Easy
What Does Your Name Mean?.. START YOUTHINK.COM QUIZ RESULTS --
What kind of tree are you?
You Are A Weeping Willow
You are a huge crybaby and nobody likes you. Everyone wishes you would go away and leave them alone.

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Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. .. END YOUTHINK.COM QUIZ RESULTS --

Television:

House, Bones, Ghost Whisperer, 24, Without A Trace, CSI: Las Vegas, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Shark and Ugly Betty. I actually don't watch much TV anymore...I prefer music and art....occasionally a movie:)
Your Love Type: INFJ
The Protector

In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship.
For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls.

Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in.
However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself.

Best matches: ENTP and ENFP What's Your Love Type?

Books:

Moreso if something catches my attention...it has to be well written to keep it. I enjoy well written word.....

Heroes:



What Planet Are You From?
this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As TimThose who sacrifice for the belief that we deserve the freedom to choose. Try to remember, that many have given their lives to preserve that right for us....we wouldn't be here on MySpace right now and posting our thoughts, hopes and wishes...without them.

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Even the strongest...

Even the strongest....feel doubt...and wonder 'why'... Even the wisest....feel vulnerable and unsure...when faced with the unknown.... Even the joyous...feel pain when betrayed.... Even the kindest......
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 07:30:00 PST

Letting my mind wander...

I think that the one thing I'll always feel at times, will be this overwhelming endeavor I have....the endeavor of trying to rebuild a life.  I don't think people understand just how large a proj...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 06:32:00 PST

To all the fathers...

First....a happy father's day to every father I know!!  Today was your day...and I hope that you enjoyed it to its fullest.  Given time to relax and take in a day dedicated to all of you! My...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Mon, 18 Jun 2007 09:11:00 PST

Am I alittle sick or alittle sane?

I'm unsure why so many think that my choice to alter my life path is so troubling.  I know that my family (and friends) want the best for me.  They want to see me happy and they want me to h...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Sun, 17 Jun 2007 09:50:00 PST

I can find my own understanding....

I think I am figuring out, why I don't like to be 'out and about'....like my sis and brother in law, want me to.  I don't like going 'out' for two reasons.  And perhaps I am not in the most ...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 01:34:00 PST

What I miss....

Sometimes, my thoughts sound needy....even to myself.  I am a woman, after all...and an emotional being.  I thrive most, when emotion is present...and dwindle, when it does not.  Like a...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 12:26:00 PST

Instant replays...

A good friend of mine, from the game I used to play, is now experiencing (first hand) what I did, just a few short months ago.  Just when my agonizing over my own implosion has eased...I now conc...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Fri, 15 Jun 2007 10:04:00 PST

Some things just make you think...whatever.

You know, I've listened intently to friends and family recently....who have told me, that a person isn't what they own.  I've adopted this philosophy, because it is what I 'need' to adopt.  ...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Thu, 14 Jun 2007 09:33:00 PST

What is farley? - Take a guess!

We're all in for a giggle tonight.  I have a game for everyone.  It is an excercise in interpretation.  My sis and I have an inside word, for a particular thing.  This is something...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 11:04:00 PST

What makes sense...what doesn't...

I am so tired of the ups and downs.....and the thing that aggrevates me most...is that I am in total control of how I feel.  And how I feel, is what directly affects my days and how they turn out...
Posted by The Ashen Muse on Tue, 12 Jun 2007 10:15:00 PST