Top Ten
“Colorado Blizzard Etiquetteâ€
10. Call the fuck in to work. We all know that we drive shitty vehicles that in no way can handle Colorado weather at its worst. That, and what fun would it be to leave the warmth of your home for a job you despise. Then have to deal with all the other fuckin idiots that came outside too? Fuck that.9. Have plenty of entertainment. Whether it be movies or video games, or the company of a friend. Preferably if it is a friend, it is a female. We all know their many uses. Girls, I also suggest inviting women. Explore your lesbian side. It would be nothing but beneficial. If you cannot find a friend, get Guitar Hero AND 2. Right NOW.8. Develop a good sense of cardinal direction. If the cabin fever develops too hard and you gotta get out, maybe go to Walgreens and get some toffee, shit I don’t know, but it’s usually pretty helpful to know where you are going and how to get back. I’m no doctor, I’m just sayin’. IF you decide to pull a Day After Tomorrow and trek outside, make sure you are fully prepared for what you may find. Exploding cars, frozen citizens, or perhaps even deranged animals. Dress warm and carry a shank.7. You HAVE to stay strapped up with a good shank or gat-piece. If your power goes out, kill yourself immediately with thusly named shank or gat-piece - without question. You WILL begin to go insane from boredom.6. In the case that you do not have a woman readily available and willing, have tons (and we do mean TONS) of porn. You will find yourself needing to (sometimes repeatedly) “relieve†yourself during your stay within your home for a prolonged period of time.5. Have plenty of provisions; snack food, soda, and cigarettes being the most important. The basic three necessities of your typical hermit. Munchies, caffeine and nicotine. And if you can, find some shrooms and marijuana too. Trust us on that one.4. If possible, hibernate. Consume as much food as you can. For all you know, you might end up waking up when winter is completely over, let alone just the blizzard. Marijuana induced hibernation is preferred, if not absolutely necessary. And if you wake up too soon, just “Clam-Blanketâ€.3. Keep the movie “Alive†in mind. Never know when provisions may get low and you have to eat the nigga next to you. If you have any healthy, well-fed animals in the house, feel free to devour them bitches first.2) Backup shank/gat-piece. They may find out about the first one, and get all “I’d feel a lot safer if you put that away†on you. But let’s be realistic, this is about MY safety, so I recommend a tertiary blade/gat on your ankle or something.1) More cigarettes. I’m serious nigga, them shits will help!
Idiocy behind it all Andrew Orton
Writes 'em and draws 'em, therefore CEO, staff writer, evil ninja in progress.
Patrick "Hat trick" Pepper
Traces the lines that Andrew drawns, and colors them digitally, sometimes, unless I have to do it. Staff writer, columnist, evil ninja in progress.
