Shining my gold fronts, quoting strong bad.
I'd like to meet:
Women of loose morals and loose pocketbooks, who strive to enter into my legendary harem of groupies. Men of ill repute whose awesomeness can rival my own, unless it rivals mine just a bit too closely and I have to "leave them by the side of the road in a thunderstorm", or "tape them to Pom-Pom again". Both genders are encouraged to spend lavishly on gifts for me, although cash donations are also welcomed. If you have any hot relatives, you may send them my way also. Just be sure to poke air holes in the box when you mail them.
Music:
Borknagar, Graveworm, Luca Turilli, Naglfar, Turisas, Waylon Jennings, The Highwaymen, The Number Twelve Looks Like You, Andrew WK, Alkaline Trio, Murder by Death, Elliott, Sunny Day Real Estate, the unholy trinity of At the Drive-In/Sparta/Mars Volta, Braid, Hey Mercedes, The Shins, Every Time I Die, Thursday, Godspeed! You Black Emperor, The Blackout Pact, Signal II Noise (like their boy band counterparts Boyz II Men), Grace Gale, Lifetime/Kid Dynamite, Bjork, Shogun, Refused, Jimmy Eat World, Lifetime/Kid Dynamite, Dredg, Rhapsody, Blind Guardian, Nightwish, Emperor, Thyrfing, Sonata Artica, Tristania, New London Fire, Falchenbach, Bloodthorn, Head Automatica, For Dire Life Sake, Zombie Apocalypse, Battery, Most Precious Blood, OTMOP, Postal Service, Yes, CASH, David Allen Coe, The Darkness, Panic! at the Disco, Transplants, The Tiny, Ten Grand, Mastadon, ISIS, NWA, Beyonce, Xtina, Loreena McFuckingKennitt, and the coital screams of the Olson Twins.
Movies:
LOTR, Office Space, Amelie, Tombstone, Wyatt Earp, Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou, House of 1000 Corpses.
Television:
The OC, Six Feet Under, Arrested Development, Family Guy, Seinfeld, and the Simpsons. Need I say more?
Books:
Ender's Game, Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Harry Potter (the rocket-fuel for my imagination and the muse that fills my loins with childlike wonder), People's History of the United States, Lies and the Lying Liars that Tell Them, It Takes a Village, Rush Limbaugh's "See, I Told You So", Stupid White Men, A Child's First Alpha-bet Primer, The Bible, The Bible Returns, The Bible Part Three: Jesus Goes to Vegas, Charlotte's Web, Letters to Cleo, the hilarious sections of your diary where you whine about getting dumped and how you're a week late, Highlights for Children magazines.
Heroes:
That guy with the pearly-white smile looking back at me in the reflection of coke mirrors nationwide. Not to mention the long-haired, peaceful prophet...Andrew WK, and his posi second-in-command Wilton Todd Stewart.
