ROMAN:
daniel bartholemew roman IX was born in the lovely year of 1978. by the age of three months he was already enjoying fine cutlets of steak and washing them down with heinekin. dan loves beer. dan loves steak. dan loves tits. dan wishes sometimes that all three could be put together into one glorious mess of titty-beer-steak. dan's musical influences vary very much. his tastes range from the insane sounds on MR. BUNGLE, to the melodically brutal sounds of death. (R.I.P. chuck!) dan likes stuff. dan's first band, FORK, was a two peice consisting of himself, and the infamous drummer/carpenter/fireman/hamster-fucker, jason slick. dan sang and played guitar on such classic tracks as: high school sweetheart, mind inside, hard song, murder in the theft, and t.v. but, surley enough slick's hamster fucking caused angst between the two, and they parted their ways. soon after, slick promised dan that he would go into hamster fucking rehabilitation. dan believes in giving all of God's creatures a second chance. so the two started practicing old fork songs with a new vocalist, leroy the monster. after converting old fork songs and writing new material with their new vocalist, the band formally known as FORK became ATROPHY. shortly after playing the both equally classic west wilmerding firehall show, and the green valley fire hall show, slicks past caught up to him. one day while practicing slick told dan and leroy that he felt sick and needed to use the bathroom. after a whole hour, dan and lee heard a crash. they ran into the bathroom to find slick overdosed on p.c.p. with a hamster stuck on his penis. it was at that point that dan made a selfless decision, and stopped the band so slick could seek help for his horrible disease. soon after dan fell into a deep bout of depression. then he had some steak and felt better. life continued as normalfor dan: beer, tits, steak. but, one day he got a message from a still struggling slick. slick was playing with guitarist meathead. he was also jamming with him., and wanted to know if roman would take over vocal duties. roman remembered slicks past, but fortunately enough he had beer, so he said fuck it. so now dan roman is the lead vocalist for A MOMENT OF CLARITY.MEATHEAD:
brandon meathead taylor was born on september 9th, 1983. and ever since september 18th, 1983 he knew rob halford was gay. i mean... come on! how the hell was anyone surprised by that! anyways, brandon was ugly from a young age. fat too. but he always thought, "at least i don't fuck hamsters like that slick guy!" brandon took interest in music from a young age. sometimes he'd pretend he were a ninja turtle or a rock of some kind and dance around to winger songs. in the seventh grade brandon started playing guitar. he started out having to play shit radio songs, but as time went by he fell in love with metal. he just unfortunately fell in love with it at the wrong time, since he attended a private, holy-roller, bible-banger, christian school that literally considered all forms of media a one way ticket to hell. but then came high school. public high school! that's when he started his first band with one of the worlds biggest assholes. to protect this asshole's identity, we'll call it, pam grusso. brandon's first band sounded like metallica desparately trying to be brutal, with vox that sounded like chris barnes trying to growl while giving a llama a blow job. a year went by and brandon realized that not only was he in a band with the world's biggest asshole, but the band sucked more than being violated by a grizzly bear. so a couple of years go by with on and off projects with pam grusso the ass-wad, then one day when brandon was at school, he accidentily caught jason slick behind the bleachers wih a hamster. brandon knew that slick was a skilled drummer, so brandon said, "play drums for my band or else i go public with your hamster fucking!" slick replied, "go ahead dick-munch, i'm proud of my hamster fucking. besides, everyone already knows!" then brandon said, "well, then i'll tell everyone you gave pam grusso a blow job!" but slick replied with, "fuck you! that asshole was so desparate to get me in his band, that HE blew ME in front of his mom! everyone knows he's the bicth-ass-submissive-taker!" then brandon said, "yeah, that's true. i saw him blow a horse once. it blew its load so hard it gave him a cuncusion. i had to bike his bitch-ass to the hospital. okay. well, what if i buy you a new strap-on!" "sweet!" replied slick. so another year of jamming and hamster fucking by slick go by, and then dan roman joined the band, having previously used slick's drumming talents. so now meathead is happy, because he just ate some really good cheese sticks.SLICK:
slick popped out of his mother's vagina sometime i 1982. slick had a normal first two years of life, until that horrible day when he was kidnapped by retarded circus midgets. they took slick to a warehouse where they proceeded to insert gerbils and other small mamals into his asshole. after four long months of midget and rodent molestation, slick was finally brought home. slick somehow managed to get over the past and move on with his life. but, the day he started kindergarden, one of the kids came up to him and said his dad had a hamster snuff film with slick as the star. slick fell into a comma. when he awoke he started to play drums to release his inner rodent angst. but, that wasn't enough. soon into his second grade year, slick fell into the "bad crowd." by third grade slick was hopelessly addicted to marijuanna. he couldn't put hamsters behind him. as soon as slick hit puberty, he would go to pet stores and buy out their entire stock of hamsters. slick would take the hamsters home and fuck each one to death. after fucking a hamster to death, he would rub its poo over his body and preform oral sex on the hamster's carcass with the use of ranch dressing, pink lemonade, sipping straws, and tweezers. this was the reason his first two bands with roman went under. and this was daily routine for years until one day slick was ready to ram this certain hamster's ass when the hamster looked up into his eyes and squeeked. slick felt bad for this certain hamster due to its freakish appearance compared to the rest of the hamsters. it was a giant bald hamster. slick then gave up hamster fucking. he kept the special hamster as a pet and named it chillis. slick felt as if he was on top of the world. his drumming had improved twenty times since he gave up hamster fucking. but, one day slick came home from school and caught his hamster chillis in bed with his current time band member, and worlds biggest asshole, pam grusso. slick was so furious that he cried like a bitch, and started fucking hamsters to death again. slick didn't want to be carpenter anymore. he didn't want to be a fireman anymore. he just wanted hamsters and weed. but thankfully for slick, one day meathead caught him underneath the bleachers in school with a hamster. meathead got slick to play drums again! but, slick still fucks hamsters and probably always will.SCRUB:
oh yeah! it's the worm-dirt! the worm-dirt needs no other introduction! he'll fuck your grandmother in front of your whole family and pull out just in time to blow all of his worm-dirtiness in your face!!!thanx to Eli , Emmy Lou (whirlinglion.com) for the sweet myspace page and new cd cover
Thanx to Meatgrind for helping with pimping this page as well
