Jes, and that's it... profile picture

Jes, and that's it...

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me


I glare at you...
"Nowhere Girl, you're living in a dream. Nowhere Girl, you stay behind the scenes. Nowhere Girl, you never go outside. Nowhere Girl, 'cause you prefer to hide. Every day, every night, in that old familiar light. You hung up when I called you at home. And I tried to get through and I tried to talk to you but there's something stopping me from getting through..." ~ B-Movie - Nowhere Girl
I'm breaking myself down into a series of adjectives, I can't think of any other way of attempting to explain myself right now. Sarcastic, cynical, serious, angry, intelligent, selfish, logical, disappointed, stubborn, indifferent, lonely, random, honest, shy, boring, the list goes on... I don't fit into any one description. I don't like a lot of people, I have very strong opinions about society as a whole and until proven otherwise I intend to keep them. I paint to express something in myself that I have yet to figure out a name for and things like this are the result:
Magic
Eric found a Leprechaun and,
Suzy spied an Elf...
Alas, the only magic I have found,
I've had to make myself.

~ Shel Silverstein

If you want to know more you can go to my livejournal . You can also try IMing me, rzbryvdka on yahoo and LadyVader430 on aim. I'm warning you though, I rarely ever go on messengers anymore.
"There is no faith in which to hide, even truth is filled with lies. Doubting angels fall to walk among the living. I'm in this mood because of scorn. I'm in a mood for total war. To the darkened skies once more and ever onward. I'd only come here seeking peace. I'd only come here seeking me. It seems I came to leave." ~ VNV Nation - Darkangel

My Interests


"Empathy controls the wind that blows and tickles our skin..." ~ Dredg - Same Ol' Road
abandoned buildings, art, artistic expression, blood, boots, cars, cherry coke, cigarettes, comic books, contemplation, corsets, dancing, darkness, death, depression, disappointment, driving, evil, eyeliner, faeries, fake hair, faux fur, fetishes, fishnets, forensics, germany, glitter, hatred, honesty, human anatomy, illusions, innocence, learning, life, lightning, loneliness, mental illness, my bed, mystery, mythology, nature, noise, obsession, painting, pathology, pictures, platforms, porn, red, romance, roses, sadness, sculpting, serial killers, sex, silence, sleeping, smokers, suicide, tattoos, the 80s, the kitchen, time, turtles, vampirism, villains, vinyl, wax, words, writing, zombies.

I'd like to meet:


"It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complimentary? Does my other half have what I don't? Did he get the looks? The luck? The love? Were we really separated forceably or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I? Will this person embarrass me? What about sex? Is that how we put ourselves back together again? Or can two people actually become one again?" ~ Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Click here to become a member of Zombie Army!
"Does God want goodness or the choice of goodness? Is a man who chooses the bad perhaps in some way better than a man who has good imposed upon him?"~ A Clockwork Orange
There are a lot of people I'm interested in meeting, unfortunately for me most of them are dead. I'd like to meet people who are different than everyone else. I don't care in what way, just different. People who enjoy using their minds. Artistic people. Anyone with something in common that I can actually have a conversation with. HOWEVER If you have taken it upon yourself to make it a personal mission of yours to get me to smile, don't bother. It's not an easy thing to do and frankly not worth the effort.

"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it. Remember only the verse, songmakers cry, the one without tears. For I've given this it's strength and it has become my only strength. Comforting home, mother's lap, chance for immortality. Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew. Sweet piano writing down my life. Teach me passion, for I fear it's gone. Show me love, hold the lorn. So much more I wanted to give, to the ones who love me, I'm sorry. Time will tell, this bitter farewell. I live no more to shame nor me nor you. And you, I wish I didn't feel for you anymore." ~ Nightwish - Dead Boy's Poem




"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way." ~ White Oleander

Music:

A Perfect Circle, AFI, Alice In Chains, Bad Brains, Bad Religion, Bauhaus, Bella Morte, Big Electric Cat, Bile, Black Eyed Peas, Bloc Party, Blondie, BLOOD HAS BEEN SHED, Blutengel, Bob Marley, Bone Thugs N Harmony, Brian Setzer, Candlebox, Cold, Leonard Cohen, Covenant, CRADLE OF FILTH, Das Ich, Deine Lakaien, Depeche Mode, DIMMU BORGIR, DISTURBED, Dope, Dragonforce, E Nomine, Enigma, Evil's Toy, FEAR FACTORY, Funker Vogt, Garbage, Godsmack, Gorillaz, Gruesome Twosome, HIMSA, Hocico, IN FLAMES, John Lennon, KILLSWITCH ENGAGE, KMFDM, Kompressor, Lacrimosa, LACUNA COIL, Madonna, Marilyn Manson, Mesh, Metallica, Ministry, Misfits, Mudvayne, Murderdolls, New Order, Nightwish, Nothingface, Gary Numan, Paul Oakenfold, OLD MAN'S CHILD, OPETH, Outkast, PATHS OF POSSESSION, Pennywise, Portishead, Prince, RAMMSTIEN, Razed in Black, Sean Paul, SILENT CIVILIAN, Siouxsie & the Banshees, Sisters of Mercy, SOILWORK, Spacehog, SPINESHANK, Static-X, Suicide Commando, Switchblade Symphony, The Azoic, The Clash, The Cure, The Rasmus, Tool, TRIVIUM, VNV Nation, :wumpscut:, Zeromancer... That's not even close to everything...
AS WE SPEAK (Soilwork)

.. Video Code provided by ..

Movies:

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. " ~ Crash
Sin City, White Oleander, Crash, Cry-Baby, American History X, Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Beautiful Thing, The Salton Sea, Nekromantik, Ginger Snaps, Tromeo and Juliet, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Corpse Bride, Bully, Willard, Donnie Darko, Requiem For a Dream, Shaun of the Dead, Dogma, Natural Born Killers, Edge of Seventeen, Turbulence 3, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, The Black Circle Boys, River's Edge, The Crow, Se7en, The People Under The Stairs, Prayer of the Rolleryboys, Dark City, Some Like it Hot, Cecil B. DeMented, Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill, many more...

Television:

The New Detectives, The Secrets of Forensic Science, Forensic Files, OZ, Autopsy, Monster Garage, American Chopper, American Hot Rod, The Tribe

Books:

Chuck Palahniuk is my favorite author so anything by him. White Oleander, Anything by Roman Dirge or Jhonen Vasquez, True Crime.

Heroes:

"You're not a hero unless you die..."~ Nightwish - The Kinslayer

"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along." ~ Evenescence - My Immortal

Crispin Glover

Eric Mabius

Damien Echols

My Blog

Peeeeeeeeectures!

I was feeling photogenic... There are more in my picture thing, you should comment... Now... And comment here while you're at it... ...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 05 Dec 2005 11:53:00 PST

...

So my birthday is next week, don't really care too much though. I was supposed to go to Madame's with K-La, Atom and Kat but I don't think I am going to get to because they never called me back for th...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Fri, 16 Sep 2005 08:53:00 PST

Death and ozzfest...

This is why I don't go to West Palm Beach... I almost died at ozzfest yesterday. I was minutes away from having a heat stroke which if I didn't get medical attention for I could and would have died. ...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 05 Sep 2005 06:11:00 PST

Bleh...

Not much of an update, again...Stretched my ears today. Something I swore I would never do... Shit happens...Lonely as fuck.Drowning myself in my job, it's the only thing I really enjoy right now. Did...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Not much of an update...

I love my job... I work my ass off... I'm sick as fuck... I feel like shit... End of update......
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

This will probably make no sense to anyone but me...

I feel so strange... I feel like I'm disconnected from everyone and everything. Like I'm just kinda floating around everyone but not really there... I don't know... Every day that goes by the more I f...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

And the worms ate into his brain...

I don't even have words to express how great this song is...Hey you, out there in the coldGetting lonely, getting old Can you feel me?Hey you, standing in the aislesWith itchy feet and fading smiles C...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Guess what...

Yeah, I'm actually pretty damn close to being happy... I love my job and they seem to love me since they handed me a set of keys to the shop. That's right, Jes is a full time, key holding, security co...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Goodbye in a manner of speaking...

From this point onward I will never believe anything anyone tells me... I'm so sick of looking forward to things and not only having people not come through in any way but not even bothering to tell m...
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Edited from LJ because frankly there is some shit people don't need to know...

Today was good... Did four belly button piercings and a nipple... Denice says I have great aim and all kinds of good things... I don't know why though but I keep feeling like I'm fucking up somewhere....
Posted by Jes, and that's it... on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST