Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy...the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical...summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds...pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum...it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.I don't drink coffee, I take tea my dear. I am very fond of the cold side of the pillow. I watch far too many cartoons for my age. I have a slight obsession with 'Alice in Wonderland' and Noel Edmunds, but my psychiatrist says it's under control. I very much enjoy classic 80's movies such as 'Top Gun', 'The Goonies', 'St Elmo's Fire', etc. I like browsing in charity shops because you never know what you're going to find. I also like the breakfast cereal 'Lucky Charms', why did they stop selling them in Tesco? When I grow up I would like to be either a swashbucklin' Pirate, or a pistol-slinging Cowboy. I also enjoy reading literature, strumming my guitar, late night drives, rugby and "Sun Lollys". I much preferred the 90's to the ughh..00's?
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