mr. claus profile picture

mr. claus

big, fat and sassy!

About Me



well, i'm pretty easy-going and have a good sense of humor. i love kids provided they don't scream year round and make me some cookies in exchange for gifts. i run a village up at the north pole and i have a whole team that helps me keep it running smoothly. once in a while it gets out of hand, like when dan and pete sneak off to snap rubberbands and glue their fingers together. i have an excellent wife who's a real firecracker, if you know what i mean! a lot of people these days think i don't exist. that's okay, i don't let it get me down. i'm a real positive guy.

My Interests

i like snickerdoodles, chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, ginger bread, pumpkin and sugar cookies. please stop making the peanut butter ones as i developed an allergy to peanuts within the last year. and don't skimp and leave me chips ahoy, either!!

I'd like to meet:

HER!!! (don't tell the mrs.)

Music:

who decided to do trance and smooth-jazz versions of christmas music? clearly unacceptable.

Movies:

i'll always be proud of my rudolph! though production for that movie cost me an arm and a leg!

Television:

i think that southpark show is funny. the mrs. thinks it portrays me in a negative light but she doesn't quite get the humor. she likes martha stewart and loves her "holiday" magazines. i try to tell her that martha has been on my naughty list for decades and that her love for that woman's crafts is disloyal to our marriage.

Heroes:

jesus for making my livelihood possible!