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Me, as told the best way it can...
I'm not the friend who will be there for you all the time. I'm not somewhere saying "fuck you" but I can dissappear and go reclusive for a couple weeks. I don't like the phone. I do like most people. IF you ever think I don't like you, it's most likely all in your head. I am selfish a lot of the time, meaning I take a lot of "me" time. This is either a stage I'm just leaving or just beginning. I don't deal well with needy people, again, not because I don't like them...I just don't know what else to do with them, but listen to them and in doing so they are naturally drawn to me. I love my friends, family, co-workers and when you think I'm not being a good friend---I'm not meaning to be. I. never. go. out. of. my. way. to. hurt. people.
"Given the general mode of operation surrounding microwaves - that is, it cooks from the inside out - why is the middle of my hotpocket always so damn cold?"
"Fighting over the internet is like running the special olympics. Whether you win or loose you are still retarded."
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
Eddie Izzard: "Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a f**king squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "F**king nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit."
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