There's sod all to say about me (beyond the long list of dislikes and slightly less long list of likes) aside from that fact I hate having fun and am practically allergic to laughter.
Things/people that aren't shit:
Bill Hicks, Sean Lock, Dave Gorman, Danny Wallace, Rich Hall, Denis Leary, Spaced, Bill Bailey, Ed Byrne, Andrew Maxwell, Jeff Green, Monty Python, Black Books, Knightmare (remember that show?? It was the fuckin bollocks!), Diagnosis Murder, Murder she Wrote (the joy of sometimes being allowed to work from home/getting very long breaks from work - I get to watch LOTS of fuckin day time TV), Bruce Chatwin, Douglas Adams, Douglas Coupland, Devin Townsend (seriously - *love* the Dev), SomethingAwful (the site, not some unspecified 'awful' thing), in particular Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons - that man is just pure class. I think that about covers it. Right... on with the important stuff...
Things/people that most definately ARE shit:
Michael Winner (I am getting SO fucking sick and tired of 'witty' fuckers saying "calm down love, it's just a *insert supposedly funny substitute for 'its just a commercial' here*", its not big, its not clever and the next person who does it is gonna get a brick to the face). Feminists piss me right off as well... and that fucking Crazy Frog ring tone, God, I HATE that with a murderous passion, and those fucking birds sweety the chick or whatever and his little wanker friend. Twats. Tom Green gets a special mention for being, hands down, one of THE FUCKING MOST relentlessly annoying little cunts on the planet.
Also on the list are spiders, tomatoes, heights, marmite, David Blaine and Darren Brown (to be fair, he's not shit - just the most evil man in Britain... so I don't dislike him as much as fear him outright), all things spider related, Richard fucking Gere, Busses, small children making excessive noise, cyclists (I dont even drive, but I can feel my blood pressure soaring when Im in a car with someone and a fuckin twat on a bike gets in the way), Tom Cruise (smarmy little tosser), sheep, cows, clowns...OH! And most of all I dislike people who feel the need to say "I like having fun" purely because it's such a stupidly redundant fucking statement. Who the fuck doesn't actually like to have fun (apart from a few terminally morose cunts who enjoy wallowing in their own proverbial shit and don't want to betray their carefully constructed wall of intense gloom by actually allowing themselves to have a good time every now and then)...
""Why", you ask? "Why" is not the question. How? Now, that is a question worth examining. How could I, being born of such, uh... conventional stock, arrive a leader of the rebellion? An escapist from a conformist world, destined to find happiness only in that which cannot be explained? I brought you here for a reason, but unfortunately you and your sentimental minds are doing me no good! My brain is frozen. Locked! I have to break free from this culture of mechanical reproductions and the thick encrustations dying on the surface! Ah, christ... fuck it." - Gotta love that Otis!
